My Parents Object to Our Relationship
DEAR Nana Ama,
I am 21 and she is 23. I am a senior high school graduate while she is a caterer. We have been in a relationship for one year and seven months.
The problem is that, my parents object to our relationship, saying that the lady's family background is not good.They are of the view that her family members takes pride in cursing people and do not have successful marriages.
My parents also complain that I am younger than my lady. They have even warned her to stay away from me. They have also vowed that if I do not break up with my partner, they would not help me pursue further education and worse of all, they have threatened to disown me.
What should I do? I love the lady but I do not also want to hurt my parents. I also want my parents to help me continue with my school. Please help me!
It is quite obvious that you are in a fix, but you do not have to worry because your decision to share your problem constitutes the first and most important step in the solution process!
Since you have asked for help, I would suggest that you first have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner, explaining to her the difficulties that you are facing and let her give you sometime and space to try to assure your parents that you still love and respect them.
This is important, because without your parents' blessing it may be difficult to have a happy marriage in future. Remember that any time a man and a woman enter into a relationship, they bring along their respective families and any strong disapproval from one side may spell doom for the relationship.
Since you have more years ahead of you before settling down, you can begin your quest to win your parents' approval either yourself or by eliciting the help of people whose views your parents respect to speak on your behalf.
You could in very subtle ways make your parents understand that even if your partner's family had a bad public image, it does not follow automatically that she is also a bad person. Later, encourage them to meet her and interact with her.
That will convince them she is of a different stock if she indeed is. And for their worries about unsuccessful marriages in your girlfriend's family — who knows — your marriage may mark the beginning of stable marriages in her family.
Again, the fact that your girlfriend is older than you are, is not an issue that should worry your parents so much because in relationships, love, mutual respect and understanding are more important than age. I believe they will come to appreciate that with time.
I am very happy that you intend to pursue further education and also do not want to hurt your parents' feelings. Education and family are very important and I am sure your girlfriend will not push you to dishonour your parents for them to disown you and also lose the opportunity to climb higher on the academic ladder.
If seeing you with the young lady upsets your parents, reduce your get-togethers to the barest minimum till the issue is fully resolved.
True love conquers all, so if genuine love is the foundation of your relationship, your girlfriend will be patient as you try to win your parents over and your parents may see it sooner than later and give you their blessing.