See your love as good - John Boakye

By myjoyonline
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Human nature is selfish and inward looking. The temptation to ignore the planks in our eyes and see the dust in our partners' is high.

We see all the faults of our partners but not ours and tend to think we are good and our partners are bad. It is common to hear partner refer to their partners as "nipa bone" or bad person.
The question is, are you better than your lover?


Temperament is that part of us that is inherited. It influences our response to what happens to us in life. In 400 BC , Hippocrates categorised human beings into four based on their body fluids. There is no scientific evidence to show coloration between fluid and behaviour but the terms he used are still valid today.

Phlegmatic: They do things the easy way, without conflict but keeping peace. They are easy to get along with because they are sympathetic, dependable and efficient. They are also faithful friends. The phlegmatic are, however undecided, fearful and unreluctant to be involved. They find it hard to express their feelings.

Melancholic: They love to do things the right way, They need a sense of stability, space, silence and support. They are self-sad sacrificing, loyal and particular about details. They are, however, introspective, moody and pessimists. They are also reserved and anxous.

Choleric: They desire to do things their way. They need a sense of obedience, appreciation for accomplishment. They are confident, pioneering, strong-willed and natural leaders. They are active, optimistic and determined. They are also decisive and productive. The choleric, however, are domineering, impatient and stubborn. They are aggressive, hot-tempered and insensitive. They want, things their way.

Sanguine: They desire to do things the fun way. They need attention, affection and acceptance. They are also enthusiastic, lively and enjoy lots of friends. They express their feelings freely. They are happy people. Sanguines are, however, impulsive. They compromise easily because they need to be accepted by everybody and be the centre of attraction. They are not serious about anything and trust others to do their work.

What you must know

Temperaments are inherited from parents, grandparents and long lineage. Everybody has all the four forms but one may dominate in an undetermined way. This may explain why even siblings have different temperaments.

All the various types of temperaments have their strengthens and weaknesses. None is better than another. They are just different.
Lovers can't change their partners because people are born with these behaviours. You can, however, help your partner to improve himself by becoming more loveable. A behaviour can be improved within four weeks if partners work on it.

A person may transfer his temperament by metamorphosing into a different temperament. Partners, therefore, need to study each other constantly to know how their partners change so that their needs can be met.

Nature seeks a balance. Often people with different temperaments are attracted to each other. A talkative marries a quiet person. It becomes tempting to see a partner as bad because he behaves contrary to yours.

We are all' unique, with different temperaments. Differences do not mean better or worse, inferior or superior. Our Maker calls His creation good. Never see your partner as "nipa bone". God does not see him so. You see your partner as bad only when you focus only on his weakness and ignore his strengths. It also means that as a partner you have failed in your duty to make him better.

You must also allow your partner to be himself. Differences in behaviour are important in enriching relationships because each partner brings in unique abilities to build the relationship.

Gracefully accept and enjoy what your lover has to offer. Show appreciation by telling him how glad you are for those qualities. He was made that way by God for His purpose. Never reject him. In'stead, accept those qualities of your lover you find weak. Offer your strength and put his needs above yours to make him better, even without expecting good returns.

A bird does not sing because it expects an answer. Show your love. Have a positive mental attitude about your lover. See her as your Maker's greatest gift. God does not see you better or worse than your partner does. Do likewise.

Never compare yourself to your partner

See your relationship as two people with different but complementary qualities doing their best; building each other up to share a fulfilling life together. See your love as good. Your relationship will be as good as you see your lover.

Credit: John Boakye,
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