LETTER TO BOKO HARAM

Dear Boko,
Some years ago when you started as a small group fighting for relevance, I was part of those Nigerians that believed that all you wanted was your share of the national cake, but alas! You have proved me wrong. You needed more than the national cake, your aim is to make Nigeria ungovernable by frustrating everything and anything ‘frustratable’. You have grown from a local nuisance to an international embarrassment because those that should have seen your handwriting on the wall were blind, the more they looked, the less they saw.

Boko, you started with motorcycle attacks and over time you were able to declare profit and even went ahead to purchase expensive cars to bomb the police headquarters and the united nations building in Abuja, you now have enough money to pay suicide bombers. I would have love to negotiate with you on behalf of the good people of Nigeria but I’m afraid because of the fate that befell Babakura Fuju, you never told me that you have magicians working for you, if not how did Alhaji Alli Tishau disappeared from detention?

I’m one of the few Nigerians that have the ability to see things differently. what I saw when BABA visited fuju was that he only visited you when you threatened to attack the western states, don’t forget that BABA have a university in ota, several farms scattered in the west and other economic interests that must be protected. The Ijaw Joint Revolutionary Council have threatened retaliation against you if you refuse to stop your ‘merciless bombings’ without verifiable developmental agitation, they said that they will not skip the homes and interests of your promoters whether active or passive . . . that means they know your promoters but they are not willing to share such information with our policemen because of the fear of the unknown.

Boko my friend, you have declared the SSS director wanted and by that singular act, you have entered the Guinness Book of world record as the first terrorist group in the world to declare anybody wanted. Even your father Al-Qaeda did not declare obama wanted after the death of osama Bin Laden. Because of you, junior officers were barred from bringing their vehicles close to the police stations, all the food canteens in the police stations were destroyed, president Jonathan signed the Terrorism (prevention) Bill and Anti-money Laundering (prohibition) Amendment Act into law on the third of June, so I ask, what else do you want?

Oh! I know what you want, I know that you want the IG to tell; us why ustaz mohammed yusuf was extra-judicially murdered, I know that you want the Federal Government to dialogue with you directly because the sultan of sokoto is a government appointed king, you want Nigeria to become a failed state, you want us to fear and respect you, in fact your demands are endless. Nigeria opened the terrorism watch list because of you and you need to be reminded that Nigerian government don’t negotiate with terrorists and you are so lucky that Mr president is not a lion, if not; he would have consumed you.

Boko, let me sign off by telling you that Nigeria have so many problems and it takes an average of ten years to solve one problem, so you know what I mean. You are now so powerful that if you declare a public holiday tomorrow, ninety percent of Nigerians will obey you without doubt as to your ability to match your words with actions but all your actions cannot stop me from pledging to Nigeria my country, to be faithful, loyal and honest, to serve Nigeria with all my strength , to defend her unity and uphold her honour and glory. So help me GOD.

Your friend,
Chief humanbeing.
* Oyede Saheed (alias chief humanbeing) writes from the department of insurance, University of Lagos. E-mail: [email protected].