I CAN'T GET HER OUT OF MY MIND
You can approach her by simply saying hello and introducing yourself to her. I know that it may seem difficult to approach someone that you have just met but the truth is that the person is also possibly as scared as you are. Someone needs to take the bold move first; why not you? When you first set eyes on this person that you like, say in a club for instance, turn your head to follow her slowly while watching her but please do not stare at her because that is rude. While following her with your eyes, smile a lazy smile and when she acknowledges you, nod your head and allow yourself to remove your gaze on her. You may repeat this move several times throughout the night until you summon enough courage to ask if you could buy her a drink. Make sure that she is alone and not with a man. If she accepts the drink offer, grab a seat beside her and ask her to tell you about herself and take it from there.
I am a regular reader of your column 'Heart Clinic' and have seen that your advice to readers is very candid and useful. May God reward you abundantly!
I am a young man of 30 years. I graduated from one of the universities in Imo State. I am a reserved and level headed fellow who delights in making people around me happy and restore some hope likely to be lost in any possible event of sharing emotional feelings with one another. This is by the way. My problem is that right from my days in the university, I have been nursing this ambition of getting married as soon as I am through with my study so as to avoid getting involved in late marriage, which I am sometimes scared of. As it stands now, I have not been able to achieve this due to lack of resources caused by the pitiable plight of Nigerian graduates in our society.
Meanwhile, I sincerely need a serious-minded and experienced woman who really understands the best of love and what a genuine love can eventually produce, a woman who can take me for whom I am and not for what I am, In as much as I am ever ready to show that genuine and infinite love to whoever that would like to hook up through this medium. My promise to maintain, guide and secure the love faithfully. Thanks.
• DAMIAN (from Imo State)
Thanks for writing. I hope that you will fulfill your heart's desire. Your mail is being published for anyone who wants to reply directly to you.
Great compliments to you! I must say that your column is wonderful. I am a young guy of 23 and an undergraduate in a private university in Anambra State. The thing is that I am always attracted to older ladies. Recent, I tried dating a pretty girl in my school who I was older than by two years although she loves me because of my charm and humour. I still had to break up with her because I didn't have passion in the relationship. Right now I need a mature older lady.
There is no magic wand to say who or where or what age bracket that you will find love. It all depends on what attracts you to a member of the opposite sex. Maybe you find younger women boring or maybe you feel that they are immature and not conversant with the ways of life. It may also be that you have just been unlucky at finding younger women with what it takes. Be it as it may, I can assure you that many women are intelligent, witty and have a withal about life. You should strive at keeping an open mind and use that rare gift of 'charm and humor' to attract anybody, whether young or older.
I am a regular reader of your problem-solving column. Kudos to you! I have lived with a girl for two years. She lives in another state while I am in Lagos. We do call each other several times a day. Few months ago she told me her family says she should accept and marry someone from their tribe. Since this issue she has stopped calling and anytime I call she give excuses. Now, she now told me I should look for someone else. I have cried for few days now. I'm in my early 20s. She is my first love. To say the least, my heart is broken. Please I need someone serious to hook up with soon. Thanks.
I am sorry about your heartbreak. Indeed first loves are hard to forget but I will still caution you against jumping into another relationship at this early stage. Right now you are on the rebound and you are likely to make mistakes just because you are hurting at this time. I think that you should simply have fun - date casually (please use condoms) while waiting for time to heal your broken heart. As I have said before, the heart may be fragile but cannot really break; it is not made from fabric. Of course you may feel hopeless and may even cry as you did but wipe your tears, wake up and smell the coffee. Life is not that bad; just keep a positive attitude and be cheerful at all times; the right person will come to you.
I really love your column. There is this new book by former United States president, Mr. Bill Clinton, which is very interesting. Why not go through it? You can get it at, http://storiesthatchangelifes.blogspot.com
Thanks a million, I will check it out and I urge my readers to also develop a love for reading. Perhaps one day, we will form a reading club.
I really want to use this medium to commend you for the good works you have been doing in this generation and thank God for the talent He has deposited in you. Well done!
My name is Ubong and I am 23 years old. Please I need your kind advice on a situation I'm facing now. I met a beautiful young girl who happens to be in the choir department in my church and I suddenly developed very strong feelings for her, but I'm confused on what to do next.
I approached her early this year trying to express my feelings to her, but she told me that she was in a very serious relationship and wouldn't want to date me. So I left her.
About seven months later, I discovered that the feelings I had for her increased and I couldn't get my mind off her, so I went back to her trying to convince her that I meant well for her and that I am seriously in love with her, because I knew that she was not in any relationship at the time.
Everything went on smoothly, we started being friends, but when she spent a night with me at one of my friends house, though we didn't misbehave, she went back and later sent me a text message asking me to forget about having a relationship with her because it can't work out. I asked her why, she said that she doesn't like me talk less of loving me.
The truth is, I can't let her go. I truly love her and I had in mind of marrying her because she is the kind of a lady I've been asking God for. Please in this case, what should I do? Should I forget about her completely, which I've tried doing but can't? Or should I continue talking to her? She once told me that she has a dream of marrying a pastor because according to her, she has a call into the ministry and she sees me as a politician.
I even told one of my pastors about it and he tried talking to her, but she still insisted that I should leave her alone. Please I need your kind advice.
• UBONG ASANGA
Thanks for writing. I do not think that you should keep on pushing your love for this girl. She does not love you from all indications. You may feel that in time, she will change her mind but if that happens, you will no longer want her the way that you do now. It is possible that her constant refusal of your advances is what is driving you to her. It is a waste of time Ubong. Forget her completely and crave someone who reciprocates your love.