WHAT WE HAVE NOW IS DIGITAL MARRIAGE – PASTOR BISI ADEWALE

Growing old together is no longer trendy because the modern era has redefined the marriage concept. Couples no longer have a passion to keep the marital vow they took to stay together for better, for worse. Everyone has excuses.

The men blame it on mid life crisis; all they want to do is to feel young again and get someone more youthful while women claim that their loss of interest in sex is due to hormonal fluctuations. Why does it now seem that marriage of the yesteryears worked better than present day marital unions? In this interview, Pastor Bisi Adewale, a marriage counselor, explains why 'till death do us part' no longer means much to the average young person.

How come marriages in the past worked better than now?

You see what we have now is called electronic marriage, you find out that couples hardly spent time together. Even on Saturday and Sundays they are not at home. As a result of this the relationship is strain because there is no communication. Some years back we had the women liberation and as a result of this many women find it so hard to submit while men on the other hand are too busy running after money. But in the days of our parents it was not like that. Our mothers submitted and our fathers loved our mothers unconditionally.

Could the divorce rate be as result of the fact that we now have more women working unlike in the past when women don't work?

Let me tell you women worked then too, they worked on the farms. So we cant say women should not work now. But what happens now is that they now spend time in the traffic. Also many corporate organizations don't take the family into consideration and we find out that many women and men close very late and by the time they get home they just eat and go to bed because they are exhausted.

You see where my wife works there is something they call it value family time. They have scheduled time for the family and so my wife has been able to strike a balance with the home. However we still find out that some spouses when they go on leave instead of spending qualitative time with family they still go to look for money.

So does that mean that parents should go back to the days when they had to choose for their children?

No, I don't support that because it has its own effects and I am not going to advocate for that but honestly I think to an extent marriage then worked better because parents got to know about the family background of the person their son or daughter wants to marry. The go an extra mile to find out about the person but now it is different you just wake up and tell your parents you want to get married and off you walk down the aisle.

What is the solution?
Everyone should first realize that our marriage is our future. For instance when you go to your children end of the year party you hardly see a man because they don't have the time to spare. But we should start realizing that our marriages need attention and affection. Organizations should structure and schedule their time for family values too because if a worker has a good home and he or she is happy, it will affect the organization positively.

Husband should give their wives attention, if you ask any man now what hairstyle is the wife having on now he cant tell you because he didn't notice. Many women are lonely though they are married so they need attention and if they are given adequate attention and affection they will submit. However, wives should know how to strike a balance too. Both parties should be able to create time for one another.