Let the lines fall in pleasant places
Last week the supreme court declared the People’s Democratic Party candidate of the recently concluded gubernatorial elections in Zamfara state the real winner of the elections after the APC candidate had been celebrated, collected his certificate of return from the Independent National Electoral Commission, attended the induction course and concluded arrangements to move into the government house as governor elect.
I can imagine how his family must have fantasized about life as the first family of Zamfara state only to be told that it was not to become a reality. What a disappointment!
Life is full of disappointments.
At some point in life we are going to face disappointing situations.
Yesterday a young man came to see me.
He looked distraught and unkempt, said he wanted to talk with me. He told how his girlfriend of over five years had suddenly called off the relationship. He had made effort to convince, beg and do all he could to get her to stay without success. He said he couldn’t concentrate in school anymore. He was having problems with his test scores already because of the emotional destabilization.
Yet another disappointing situation was days ago when the outgoing Prime minister of the Britain, Teresa May made her exit speech as she bowed out of office as a result of the failing BREXIT negotiations she had hitherto pioneered.
Her speech told in no small measure how disappointed she was, especially when it ended in tears.
Disappointment!
Disappointment is painful because it brings to front glare a picture of what should have been but sadly didn’t happen. It comes with regret about what should have, could have or would have been done which may not have been done and is now deemed responsible for the present circumstance.
It makes us wish we could turn back the hands of time and do things differently such that the present end would have been averted. Sadly it’s usually not possible to reverse the situation, but at best manage the new reality.
As I watched Teresa May’s emotionally laden exit speech which signaled the end of her short yet turbulent regime as British Prime Minister I couldn’t help but recall Gordon Brown’s exit speech. Brown resigned right after the BREXIT vote which signaled the agreement of majority of the United Kingdom to exit the European Union. He had been against BREXIT and had obviously foreseen troubled waters ahead for Britain.
What would have been different if May had taken the stage with deep reflection on Brown’s perspective and had tried to understand his view point?
Maybe, just maybe she would have been better guided against suffering a failed regime.
It must be a tough time for the APC candidates of the Governorship and State House of Assembly in Zamfara because all those positions have been handed over to their contenders the PDP candidates.
While I empathize, I also recall that the INEC had declared their party primaries null and void before the elections. Whilst it would have been expected that they would sit as a party and objectively look into the matters raised and comply, they headed to the court.
Having spent their monies on lawyers, campaigns, celebration of victories and preparations for assumption of office, the Supreme Court dropped the annulling bombshell. Some of them may have even borrowed monies from family, friend and even the banks with a promise to repay as soon as they settled into their new offices.
The emotional roller coaster in the current situation is best imagined.
Sometimes the pain of what could have been that never was can be excruciating, especially when you have to witness a transfer of what you believe should have been yours to some other persons who have been adjudged more worthy of it.
Like the APC gubernatorial and HOA candidates, Teresa May and my heart broken friend, we face disappointments in life.
Here are some useful tips which may be helpful for overcoming disappointing times:
1. It’s ok to grieve the loss of what could have, should have and probably would have been. Whether we like it or not disappointing situations are painful for everyone. Feel all the bad you need to feel, but not for too long.
2. Place things in perspective. Placing things in perspective means that you are willing to honestly and objectively assess the situation and see areas where you went wrong and where you were wronged. A good understanding of the factors that played you into the situation is important in helping you deal with the situation and moving on with life.
3. Forgive yourself and forgive every other persons or factors that brought this on you. In other words, take full responsibility for what has happened and resist every temptation to play the blame game. The blame game will never let you move on with life.
4. Accept the new status quo. Not accepting the new status quo means you will continue to fight your perceived opponent, remain bitter or die with guilt of failure. Accepting the new status quo means that you acknowledge that this is your present state. You don’t necessarily like it but it is your new reality.
5. Have a conversation with yourself about what or where next you’re headed. This is critical. You need to make a commitment to move from your present point to the next point of choice. Trust me; failure is usually the back door to success.
6. Make a commitment to focus and face forward. Do not give in to the temptation to look backwards. Move on to the next level of your life.
Overcoming disappointing situations can be one of the toughest, yet highly rewarding times of life. Disappointing situations have led some people to depression, alcoholism, crime and even suicide. You need bravery to face and conquer disappointments when they come.
Once you conquer you gain fresh insight on issues, learn valuable lessons about life and mature as an individual.
Show me an individual who has excelled and made a mark in life and I will show you someone who has been courageous enough to wade through the turbulent waters of disappointment.
For most people who have been through terribly situations and have overcome and gone on to be successful and achieve or attain their dreams, when asked if they would have preferred not to have passed through the disappointing times, they almost always say that when they look back, they realize that the disappointing situation was what gave them the leverage to chart a better course of life which has brought them to a more successful end than they had anticipated.
So it’s not as much about the disappointments life throws at us, but how we receive, process and make good use of them for greater landmark victories in life.
If you are at a disappointing time in life, let me remind you that you were not built to be a coward. Brave people face the situation head on, deal with it and look to the future with a firm belief that the lines will fall in pleasant places for them
And yes…The lines end up falling in pleasant places.
Swandy Banta is blue blooded, ask her what that means and she gladly tells you, she’s been through the tunnel of pain and she found illuminating light. She writes and coaches on the difficult subject of pain. Whether it’s national pain, community pain or the pain of loss and the hurts of life that makes us all ask why—she brings new perspectives. Swandy can be reached on [email protected]