The Journey Out Of Bitter Betrayal

Trust that took years to build can be broken in seconds.

Some of you are married and committed. You trust levels are very high. Satisfaction is deep. For some couples, the sharp knife of betrayal is skinning you slowly and destroying all that you have built and fought for. Your darling has turned into the ‘devil’s son.’

Betrayal usually happens spontaneously. It can be in the form of a sexual relation, an emotional affair or some missing money. And as you look closer you uncover a long list of dark secrets that have been buried from you for years. Suddenly in shock and disbelief, your hard-earned perfect world crumbles right before your eyes as you stand helplessly.

Who do you tell? How do you say it? In rage you demand answers. You demand atonement, now! You want everything that has been lost. You rage, pray, call a friend, withdraw, cry, escape into sleep, on and on. Many people will express themselves in many other different ways, including fighting, destroying property and seeking a chance to revenge etc.

With time you gain composure and discovered that you both want to stay in the game. Hence you engage advisors and counsellors, pastors, friends and relatives to help rebuild and sustain this broken ship. Gradually rays of hope start to appear at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, you are going to make it. You are a survivor!

At this point you discover that there is still a lot of hard work to be done for your relationship to be restored to the former trust level, and former glory.

One of the bridges to be crossed is forgiveness. You have to forgive unconditionally, to bury the whole experience in the deepest sea, “ as far as the east is from the west ”; never to be visited again. It’s not easy.

However the permanence of your reconciliation depends on it. This is how our relationship with God was restored, by unconditional forgiveness and total banishment of our wrongs. How can you do this?

Your spiritual healing starts with genuine forgiveness.

Your spiritual healing starts with genuine forgiveness. The best way of attacking you hurts is to expose them to forgiveness. You are not the first to take this road. Many have done it and never regretted the results. Forgiveness enables you to move on wiser, more forgiving, more loving, and closer to each other than you ever imagined.

Here are some essential steps that are critical for you to regaining control of your emotional balance, spiritual stability and, most importantly, the ability to move on in joy and peace.

• Allow yourself to be angry. You have every reason. It's healthy.
• Grieve your loss. Let it take effect. It's normal.
• Reflect about what happened and how to move forward. It's part of the healing process.
• Also try to get in the shoes of the betrayer. It’s easier to process the situation if you see things from the other side.
• Remember some people have forgiven you before. Now it’s your turn to forgive.
• Move on. Be bold and confident because you and your spouse were extraordinarily brave. Not every couple is this strong, who can face the dragon of betrayal and overcome it.
• Do not be afraid of what people will say. Yes, people always say something. It is you who is in this situation. Stand strong on what you believe.

There is a reward for such courage and spiritual maturity. Be proud of yourself because you have reflected the character of Christ of forgiving. I believe God is smiling at you.

There is no perfect marriage.
There is no perfect marriage. It’s always a journey with deep valleys and steep mountains to climb. However this is the most sacred covenant for humanity. It mirrors the relationship of sinful man and his holy God, being bridged by divine love and unconditional forgiveness.

You are a survivor! You have the God kind of love.
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© Copyright 2015 by It’s My Footprint, www.itsmyfootprint.com .

Taka Sande, www.takasande.com is an author, an entrepreneur and development activist. He has a passion for making a difference by influencing and adding value to people’s lives. He is the founder of the blog It’s My Footprint, http://www.itsmyfootprint.com /.