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The Unmarried Couples

Source: AkogwuEgene, Esq. and OluwakemiOlaniyan, Miss

The rate of sexual immorality in the world at present is very alarming and worrisome. Bachelors and Maidens, especially those living on their own, those on National Youths Service, those in Universities, Polytechnics, Colleges of Education and other higher institutions, fearfully, even some teenagers in Secondary Schools, indulge in sex, even more than married couples. This practice of ‘bedding’ one another by youths and teenagers, is especially made easy through the channel of ‘dating/courting for fun,’ otherwise known as boy-friend/girl-friend relationship(s). It is an affair of pure pleasure where the guys have the responsibilities of being there for and providing few essential needs of the ladies, such as money for body cream, soap, hair-dressing, recharge card, etcetera. On the other hand, the ladies in such relationship(s) have the duty of showing love/care and offering good sex to the guys whenever they need it. It is a sort of symbiotic and pleasure giving affair where the ultimate goal is fun catching and emotional healing.

During the teenage and youthful age of our fathers and mothers, dating/courting was solely for the guys and ladies, who were willing and ready to marry one another. And they hardly engaged in sex before marriage. Our parents in their teenage and youthful age preserved their integrity and self-esteem. And so, many of our mothers married our fathers as virgins. Nowadays, virginity is akin to primitiveness. Consequently, many ladies have surrendered their ‘gates of womanhood’ to be broken into for birthday gifts, appreciation for hair-making money, recharge card(s), proof of love, etcetera. Unlike our parents, we believe in ‘testing’ or ‘eating to satisfaction’ before marriage.

The Whiteman has succeeded in corrupting our moral values. We copied the act of ‘dating/courting for fun’ from the whites. This practice is one of the evils we inherited from the colonialists and from frequent watching of foreign movies, and especially, movies by the whites where boy-friend/girl-friend affair(s) is a constant theme. As a result of this act of ‘bedding’ one another for the fun of it, a lot of damage have been done to teenagers and youths all over the world. Many of them have contacted and are living with the deadly HIV/AIDS virus and other STIs; some of them have sickly self-esteem; many others have lost focus on success in life; and others have unwanted pregnancies/abortions; and some teenagers and youths have children out of wedlock. Ironically, this supposed ‘fun affair’ has led to untimely death of some young men and women due to emotional instability, wrongful/illegal abortions, taking of deadly pills and even suicide due to loss of self esteem and painful rejection from family members and even the supposed lover(s). Thus, most young adults all over the world are existing as bags of trash and with emotional trauma(s). All the sex they enjoy frequently cannot give them true happiness and fulfillment in life.

Nine out of every ten guys and ladies in Nigeria, and indeed, most countries of the world, are in one or more boy-friend/girl-friend relationship(s). It is now a normal and generally acceptable thing to engage in such fun catching love affair. He/she who does not have such partner(s) is seen as an abnormal person. It is generally assumed that there is something wrong with the sexual organ(s) or emotional well-being of such guys and ladies, who are not interested in having a partner or partners to catch fun with or with whom to release their emotional tension. We youths no longer have much self-control. And as such, sex is now cheaper to afford than pure (sachet) water.

Our religious leaders (both Christian and Muslim leaders) who are supposed to be the custodians of good morals are not helping the situation. Instead of preaching against this vice, they concentrate on propagating the gospel of prosperity, healing, deliverance and hatred to the detriment of chastity. Although, we are not wholly against the preaching of these other gospels, the central theme of Christianity and Islam is holiness. The two holy books teach that sin, and especially fornication (sexual sin), leads to condemnation. And as such, every act of sin should be shunned. But our preachers seem to be unaware of this. So, they do not preach this vital topic of abstinence from sin, especially, sin of fornication. Perhaps, they are false prophets, who are agents of darkness; and consequently, they knowingly allow their followers to continue in deadly acts of sexual sin, without preaching against such. Could it be that some of them (even though most of them are married) are into this sinful acts or that they omit preaching against this menace because they are scared of losing their members (those Christians and Muslims who fornicate may be grieved and leave their places of worship if their spiritual leaders seriously preach against the act of fornication) and consequently having a drastic reduction in tithes and offerings?

Our parents have also contributed to this ugly trend. Some of them have encouraged premarital sex, probably in anticipation of pregnancies before marriage. Others are shy of this issue; and so, they have failed to properly educate the youths and teenagers on sexuality, the dangers inherent in pre-marital sex and how to abstain from it. Others have encouraged their children to marry very late in life. Every reasonable person knows that no sexually potent adult can control and lock up his/her libido for too many years. This is because the desire for sex is forceful and re-occurring like the hunger for food. Any hungry person will certainly look for food, and indeed, eat the food immediately he/she finds it. In like manner, any sexually starved potent man or woman will sooner or later seek a partner, and indeed, ‘bed’ the partner as soon as practicable.

We youths and teenagers also have our own fair share of the blame. Most of us are very much aware of the consequences of sex before marriage, yet, we engage in it. Some of us have the means to get married and settle down with partners for life, yet, we choose to ‘toy around’ with our ‘things.’ Some youths and teenagers even go to the length of having two or more sexual partners (multiple dating). They do their ‘things’ any how without minding the hereafter of such practice.

To bring the discussion to an abrupt end, our men of God/Allah (preachers) should be bold and honest enough to tell their followers the truth that fornication is a deadly and a punishable sin; and that it kills one’s spirituality; and also that their followers should flee from it. Parents should stop encouraging their daughters and sons to indulge in sexual relationship(s) before marriage and should leave the issue of conception for the Almighty to decide after their marriage; shy daddies and mummies should throw away their shyness and educate their children about sex and all that is connected with it; all parents should also advice their sons and daughters to brace up in life and marry at the earliest appropriate and practicable time. The authors at this stage hold contrary views. While OluwakemiOlaniyan, Miss is of the strict and firm position that Bachelors and Maidens, should wholly and perpetually stop ‘bedding’ one another until they are married in order to escape the dangers inherent in such practice, and should get married as soon as practicable; AkogwuEgene, Esq. being a realist, holds the liberal view that those adults who do not yet have the resources to marry and find it impracticable to totally abstain, should each stick to a single but reliable and trustworthy partner; and even at that, should always use condom before marriage.

AkogwuEgene, Esq. and OluwakemiOlaniyan, Miss are young Legal Practitioners. While AkogwuEgene, Esq. is from Kogi State, OluwakemiOlaniyan, Miss is from Ondo State, Nigeria; emails: [email protected] and [email protected]