Women And Relationships (2)
Every woman wants to be loved and adored. We all have our different choices when it comes to men. Some women go after a man just for the good looks while others go after wealth. But the heart desire of every responsible woman is to get that man who will love, adore and pamper her. We also pray for a man who will give us the level of comfort we pray for in life.
Last week, I wrote on those ugly sides of men that ladies have to be watch out for. I thank God for the many of you whose eyes were opened through the article. I also had to meet with some ladies who came for counselling and I am happy with the feedback I got from them.
Today, I am going to let you into the hearts of men. A lot of ladies are frustrated due to several disappointments from men. I got a lot of mails from ladies telling me how heart-broken they are. Some of them are even holding on to men they feel nothing for and men that put them off with their behaviour. They stick to these men simply because they don't want to have another failed relationship. Why would you settle for something that will leave you miserable the rest of you?
Okay, let us leave the shortcomings of men and look at those things ladies do and which men hate so much:
Your husband or boyfriend is no longer a baby and doesn't want to be treated as one. You are not the mother. Yes I know you want to play the motherly role, I commend you for that. But please don't let emotions stop you from doing the right thing. Nagging has never, and will never solve any problem.
I have even come to realise that nagging makes you lose that man. Visit the joints and beer parlours every evening after work; you will see men who ordinarily would have gone home to their family. I am referring to the responsible ones out there who are from good homes with good upbringing.
Ladies, please ask questions, check out the background of that man you are getting married to before saying yes. Yoruba has a better custom than Igbo when it comes to polygamy. In a polygamous Yoruba family, the child respects all the wives and treats them like his own mother. But in our Igbo culture, there is great enmity and hatred. A man who grew up to see constant quarrel and have his father beat his mother constantly will end up being violent except the grace of God delivers him.
Going back to the issue at hand, nagging has led so many responsible, God-fearing men into extra marital affairs. Let all corrections be done in love.
Men look out for that woman who will not lead them into bankruptcy. A good number of ladies want to sit and eat the man down without contributing to the growth of his business and career. Ladies, cut down on the weekly aso-ebi. Also cut down on the amount of money you use to make that pot of soup. There is economic melt-down. The rich is feeling it just like the poor. You must not travel the way you used to. Your man must not take you on a monthly shopping exercise. If it used to be monthly, you can make it quarterly now.
Men also admire a woman who brings in simplicity in her manner of dressing. I couldn't help looking at this woman in the salon who turned herself to nothing but a masquerade all in the name of make-up. What man will get attracted to such a woman? Little is too much when it comes to make up. I don't know why a young girl should go everyday of the year with make up even while at home. The guy wants to see the actual look of his girl.
Also learn to be decent in your clothes. The essence of clothes is for covering. Why then do we go naked in the name of fashion? It is sad seeing girls reveal the parts of their body that should be revered and covered all in the name of fashion. You think you are cute, but the truth remains: you appear cheap.
Those men you try to seduce can fall for you now but when it's time to walk down the aisle, they go for a girl with good moral upbringing. The easiest way to get a man salivating is to wear something to cover you up well and still accentuate the curves.
POOR KNOWLEDGE OF HOUSEKEEPING:
We have girls all over the place but how many are good for marriage. I know a lady who will always pay a caterer to make different kinds of soup for her household. When you open her fridge, there is always something to eat. She is not the only one guilty of this, a lot of women, especially the working class, do not even know what their husbands eat. Men sit on the dining table and enjoy the food without even knowing where it was made, the more reason why your husband and children constantly fall sick.
Men love food and they don't joke with their stomach. Please stop the constant dining out and get into the kitchen. When it comes to housekeeping, a lot of women don't know the ABCs of it. There is nothing I hate like getting into a house and perceiving foul odour. I hear some women say it is because they now have children so you don't expect the house to stay clean. Ma, I have four children and I can tell you that when you come into my house, even toilets, there is no odour. The problem is you. Learn to close your kitchen door when you cook. Dust the house regularly and make sure your bedroom is cleaned on a daily basis.
POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE:
Thank God for the invention of perfumes. A lot of dirty people are being perceived as clean. Woman, that you look good outwardly does not make you clean inside. What kind of underwear do you have on. A lot of women move around with tight girdles. For some, it is constant wearing of black pants. What then is going to get your man salivating for time with you? Learn to wear white pants, they even help you stay clean. Yes, those coloured pants are sexy, but it shouldn't be an everyday thing.
Every man prays for a woman with a very good sense of hygiene. I have written it before on the topic, Vaginal Health. I know you want to smell good for the man, you want to leave him with a good fragrance. Please, avoid any perfumed soap in your vaginal area. You want to look babyish, but I want you to stay away from those coloured tissues in the market. Stop using Dettol and all those harsh things on your private part. These are things that end up leaving you with itching, discharge, and vaginal odour. Get a good feminine wash, which is all you need for your vaginals.
I KNOW IT ALL GIRL:
Men hate to hang out with a woman who seems to know it all. This kind of woman wants to intimidate everyone around her. She talks too much during conversation. She wants to let you know she has the phone number of the acting president.
When you are the one showing a man all the joints in town. When you make a man understand you hang out with the rich and famous only, you leave him with questions he can only answer when he sees a real woman.
When you don't want to be corrected, he doesn't like it. I want a man who will constantly correct me and put me back on track. As women, there are times we need a man to get us back on the right path. This is one thing that gets me attracted to a man. I want a man who will respect me and still be the man in our relationship. I have a very intimidating look. It will take a very loving, understanding and fatherly natured man to cope with me. I don't want a man who will lose his masculinity and become a weakling just for love. I admire men who will correct me and still make me feel loved.
It is a very bad thing that our culture has made us believe we are there just to be receiving without giving out. A real woman pays the bill sometimes. Yes, the man has to take care of you, but once in a while, surprise him. Take your man out once in a while and foot the bill. When you go out and you see those things that will look good on him, get them for him. Mark a surprise birthday party for him. They want to sometimes receive that little package we have to offer. Men hate selfish women. It must not be all about you. It must not be about your mother, father and siblings. Learn to ask after his own people. Every man wants a woman who can take care of his own mother in his absence.
I have been a victim of obsession. I have been through it and I know what it feels like. The major cause of obsession is low self-esteem and the failure to realize the individuality of your partner. When you feel you are worth the man, you will not bother so much about his friendship with women. I have trained myself to believe I am the best woman any man can ever pray for and it will take a mentally unstable man to look for another woman when he has me.
Girl you just have to learn to be proud of yourself and work towards being a goodly and godly woman. Don't let low self-esteem ruin your relationship. If you feel you are not as educated as that man and this makes you sit at home monitoring his movements, please get educated. If you are not as polished as she is, try mixing up with the right people. You will definitely be like the company you keep.
A lot of women even go the extent of going to fight the other girl seeing their man. You do this because you are cheap. I once found myself in that situation where I was betrayed; I was carrying a baby when I heard of another girl outside pregnant. I knew where she stayed, but I refused to talk. I had to let God have His way and surely, He did. You bother so much about your man's movement because you are jobless. If you are busy with your brain, you won't be doing that. Some women spend time picking numbers from their man's phone. You are wasting your time because he can have Nkechi stored as Okechukwu. You keep getting sick because of the text message you read in his phone. These are not necessary.
POOR SPIRITUAL STATE:
Beauty is deceitful, but a woman that fears the Lord shall be praised. Things are getting tougher by the day. We have a lot of evil happenings under the sun. Every man needs a woman who can stand as a priest in his life. They don't need a woman to party all week. They don't need Miss World around them. They don't need chains of friends gathering every evening to drink. They need a woman who can stand in the gap and draw them closer to God. Make up your mind to become that woman.