When You Become Too Cheap: An Open Letter To A Girlfriend
Humbly permit me to use this medium to pour out my heart for you. The news from lagos have kept my mind wondering and wandering and I know you must have also heard of it. This letter is coming now because of two reasons. First, I was waiting to get your reaction to the tragic event and secondly, I am on the cross road on how to address you bearing in mind that I don’t know what I am to you. Maybe a mugu, microfinance, spare tyre or a boo if I am that lucky .
Well, let me break the proverbial pot for you. Her romantic Highness died some few months ago and was secretly buried in lagos. And, it seems all the feminists in Nigeria are on strike because I am yet to see the ‘bringbackRonke’ group matching to Aso Rock demanding to see the old Baba.
She was actually caught pant down cheating on her husband.One was not enough for the greedy lady and her husband was demoted to a deputy director as the ‘oga-on-top’ at the publishing company where she worked assumed the role of the director of the ministry of ‘kerewa’. The man was actually more qualified than her husband on ‘bed infrastructure’as she confessed in a phone conversation that exposed her dirty linens.
Cheating may be sweeter than honey for ladies without conscience and sense of shame but the late cheater forgot that all that glitters is not gold. The wide road leads to destruction and I doubt if she had thought twice about her dishonourable actions.
I am not a marabou and we dnt have babalawos in my family leanage. So, I may not tell you exactly why she was running around like a dog whose owner has gone on exile and not sure of when to return. May be, the poor man was not rich enough to satisfy her test for luxury and frivolities like other young Nigerian ladies,his staff of office maybe as tiny as my finger or maybe his bed prowess was nothing to write home about. Well ,line up truck loads of flimsy excuses if you wish but all I know is that no excuse is ‘excusable’ in this case.
I thought that marriage is for better for worst. Is the marital relationship no longer sharing with your partner, saving your partner, caring and carrying your partner along in the journey of love? What is usually in the minds of cheats as the carry out their unholy bussiness? I should have put a call to her to hear her own side of the story but since the dead dnt bite, I am very sure they cant also talk. Her cheating excapades have fast forwarded her journey to the pit of hell and I hope she will not blame the Devil or the witch in the village for her itching pants and romance outside wedlock.
In a way, I feel I should trust you and not write this open letter but experience have thought me that most ladies are not always what they make you believe they are. So , I will not take chances. Dnt be offended by my approach(open letter) . This is one thing I learnt from the wizard of Otta.
My beloved Mum, taught me that a lady deserve love, respect, honour and support from a gentle man. And, I have over the years did my very best to cherish, adore and help as much as possible any lady that crosses my path. In doing this, many took me for a ‘mugu’ and a few appreciated my tokenistic efforts and even reciprocated generously. That is life for you. I dnt know if my kind gestures, some of which I had to offer at the expense of my personal comfort is meaningful to you. I dnt know what you think of me and I dnt really care to know. I am more concerned with remaining faithful and truthful to the love we share and making the world a better place for us all.
Just last week, a friend whose girl friend was caught pants down in a hotel room with a notorious kidnapper by security agents came into my room with tears flowing like the gurara water fall. She had deceived him into believing she was going for a church programme outside town. I felt bad as well. This guy really loved and cared for this girl within his might. The most painful of the whole sad episode was that he kept asking me: “ Martizo, what did I do wrong in this relationship I gave my all and every’’? A question his shameless girlfriend should have answered if not that she was in a ‘hot soup’ . This was the first time I saw a guy cry. Before now, I thought that stuff like this happen in African magic movies. It was really a painful experience and at a point I also became emotional. without knowing it, I started to shade tears also.
The poser begging for answer is; can a lady be ever faithful in a relationship? Please don’t call me names. Call me names if you wish. After all, truth does not seek for supporters club (apologies to comrade Adams Oshomole). It is really a pity and regrettable that with the happenings in the recent past and comtemporary present girlsfriends, wives and mothers are forcing some of us to have a rethink about relationship and question their fedelity and commitment to the sacrament of matrimony . The evidence of what I am pin pionting is as clear as the tropical sunshine with the level of divorce or break- up happening every day. It seems that genuine love, fidelity, total commitment,endurance and fortitude are virtues that have gone into extinction.
I am not claiming to be more Catholic than the Pope. A writer is the conscience of the society and I will be failing in my duty to speak out in this critical time of moral crisis if I maintain sealed lips.
For me,I have discovered two vices that are common among cheats and destroy most relationships: greed or lack of contentment and covetouness. Life and of course most relationship will be blissful and rossy if we expelled and exorcise these vices from our hearts. Greed makes us crave for things we dnt have and need. while covenousness makes us crave for what others have that may not be of primary importance to our wellbeing. Most ladies that sleep around like dogs with men old enough to be their grand fathers do it out of greed for material things. The latest smart phones,latest hair style,latest handbag, latest shoes, a meal at the latest restaurant and all sorts of latest frivolities and absurdities that will not add value to their lives.
When the pursuit of ecupirean frivolities becloud our sense of dignity and shame, displaying reclex and parasitic tendencies in a relationship becomes inevitable. Jumping from one man to another like a pendalum I once saw in a physics lab, terrifying lies and deceit becomes a ‘modus vivendi et operandi’’. It destroys relationship and family life with the furry of a locust.
I have seen ladies who turn themselves into prostitutes just to belong to the ‘league of hot babes’. Ladies can really be that stupid and silly you know. Our ladies are becoming senseless; I mean too cheap and worthless. It gives no joy that all it takes to end up with a lady on your bed for a whole night ranges from 5k to 20k. A visit to female hostels in the night in most of our higher institutions will reveal more heart crushing details. Like Robert Mugabe once observed, ‘some women legs are like rumours they keep spreading’’. And, believe me you, most Nigerian ladies fall within this category.
I have also observed that most ladies are in relationships to make material profits and not to profit the relationship. They operate within the state of pristine capitalism and exploitative self enrichment at the expense of any ‘mugu’ they lay their parasitic fangs on. It is equally a notorious fact that what most ladies bring to the table in terms of relationship is sex and nothing more.
The absence of contentment have also made ladies the worst set of ungrateful creatures. Loyalty and respect now deepens on the amount of money you can throw away once a lady pulls off her pants.
Back to the meat of the matter. Her romantic Highness had a jolly good fellow as a husband. Just a slap for abandoning her home and children in the name of job and moronically sleeping around with a married man?. While I will never raise my hand on any woman, fathoming what I will do in similar situation will be a nut that only the wizardry mathematical guru Prof Chike Obi can crack. Well, I will anounce it even from the pinnacle of Saint Peter’s square in Rome. I have disdain for cheats anytime and everywhere.
As far as I am concerned one is enough for me. Anyway, since one can never tell, if in case you choose to become a ‘sexual assistant’ to Mr Bank manager, Chief Eze ego, Mr lecturer, Oga house member, senator , governor or even daddy pastor please go ahead and enjoy your ride but dnt return to my house to avoid stories that touches the heart.
Sweet heart, please, help me tell all ladies who make a mess of womanhood this . Before they jump into a jeep, enter a hotel room, pull off their pants and bras for any man with wads of naira notes, let them ask themselves if they will be doing their family, friends and boyfriend proud. If all these people dnt matter, at least their dignity and respect as a lady does matter. Need I say more?
Martin-Hassan Eze (writer/ Author/ Free-lance journalist/ Independent political analyst.
Kontangora Niger State