Who Knows What He Is Doing?

My name is Martin Beck Nworah and I am not here to inspire you, I'm here to crush you. I have issues with some people of this world, its one that goes deep to the very essence of our existence and I have never stopped pondering; who knows what he is doing?

Growing up,I had to put up with an aunt who never believed I amounted to any good. At any slightest opportunity,she would scold me,beat me up and tell me I'm such a loser;her sister never made things easy either. In the tiny corner of my room,I would stay awake for long hours into the night(a habit that is now my character), thinking on how a 9 years old boy could please the world.

The more I tried to make her happy,the more mistakes I made and with every slap on my cheeks and pounding on my back,my spirit was tormented and thickened. But I still loved her. I wished her well and by the time I made up my mind to leave her house,I continued to ask myself; who on earth knows what he is doing? If we all knew,then no one will make mistakes. Right?

Across my table as I am writing this,a retired banker is asking why he never became a medical doctor. He loved medicine and was a sharp brain in his youthful days. His parents were bankers and wanted him to continue the family tradition leaving him with no choice but death. He went on to become a successful banker,renowned for his wit in numbers and accuracy...but his private life was messed up. He just divorced his 3rd wife six months ago and he has no charge over his four children from the women. Cursing under his breath,he wished the parents never made him a successful man,he wished they allowed him to be a happy man. And as I stood up to leave him,I continued to ask myself; who knows what he is doing? Why can't happiness be found in riches?

I'm Martin Beck Nworah and the reason I type my name often is simple. If you intend to copy and paste this,you may not be able to edit out the tiny fragments of MBN littered all over this piece. I'm not happy doing it,but the world leaves me with no choice. I have a 27 years old friend who is a lesbian. She is married with kids and never disclosed her true identity to her parents or spouse. Before she was pressured into marriage by the society and family,she tried telling her mother she was a lesbian at 13,but the mother would have none of that. She cried repeatedly to be changed from her boarding school because of the bullying of the seniors who are taking advantage of her sexually but the parents felt she wanted to chicken out. She has the best house,husband and kids;but the secret they will never know is that their mother is someone else. Living with these heavy secrets,I continued to ask myself; who knows what he is doing? Why should the society judge us for who we are?

I walk down the streets everyday and I see people. Everyone is busy,engaged with what they feel is the best thing to do in life. Some are victims of circumstance and some just stay in a square office till the next pay day or when they will engage in a crushing gossip to kill the soul of the next person. I try to understand the "why" behind living but with each answer I get,a thousand questions opens up. I don't know why we are born to go to school or why we become professionals in some particular field of life. But with the stories I hear everyday,it all ends up in death and judgment for those who believe in that.

My name is Martin Beck Nworah (MBN) and I don't write because I love writing. I write because of a huge burden and debt I owe to life. I don't know who may be inspired to tell his/her story or be given a new hope to live through reading this. I don't even know if I'm aware of what I'm doing being alive,but if there's anything I'm sure of,I'm sure of love. It is the very essence of creation and in the end,we shall all go back to the supreme love;GOD.

If you don't know what you are doing now or still confused about your path in life,don't be discouraged,you are not alone. With each passing day,you'll get better and discover who you are meant to be if only you open up and be true to yourself. Life is not a bed of roses and it is not in the nature of mankind for humans to live free of frustration,depression,sad news and on the other hand; good news,success and happiness.

These are the stuff that sustains humankind and ensure we don't go into extinction. I work hard to be successful,to be known world over and to imprint my mark on mankind before I die. But above all of this,I wish to live in love! And we shall never know what we are doing in life till we have learnt to live and grow in love. And lest I forget,before going to that native doctor's house or charming anyone,remember that putting out the candle of another will never increase the brightness of yours. But if you think it does,go to hell!

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.

MBN.