And God Said, Let There Be Sex
You're probably reading this article because the title got you curious, offended or slightly infuriated. If that's the case, I'm glad I got your attention. However, my intention is not just to arouse your curiosity but to remind you of some fundamental truths which we all know — at least intuitively — but often choose to ignore. So please read on.
Whenever sex is mentioned, especially in religious circles, most people put on a “what-are-you-talking-about” look as though it doesn't affect them. But we all know that it does. No matter how religious you are, you have to admit that sexual urge is natural and you cannot satisfy it by fasting and prayer or any other spiritual discipline. So, rather than turning a blind eye, we must learn to address it within the right context.
I was moved with compassion as I read the story of Seyi Kolade, recently reported by The Sun of UK. Seyi explains how sex addiction took hold of her life for more than 13 years. Recounting her ordeal, she says “It was a craving and a fear of how I'd feel if I couldn't get it. Once I did, it was a huge relief, like a weight was lifted. It's like any addiction. It made me selfish, self-destructive and depressed but it was a cycle I couldn't escape. When I started having sex with my boyfriend I thought it was the answer and would stop me feeling so lonely. But it wasn't enough.” Like many people, Seyi was using sex to replace her feelings of loneliness. Seyi lost her virginity at 13 and struggled with sex addiction until she sought help when she hit rock bottom at 30.
On the other hand, some people treat sex as taboo. Most of us were not told the truth as children and teenagers whilst some of us were told ninety-nine percent truth plus one percent lie. But ninety-nine truth plus one percent lie is equal to deception! Quite unconsciously, many people have imbibed the lie that God is against sex — that He doesn't want people to enjoy themselves. But really, this is not true. God created sex and even blessed it! He owns the trademark and it bears His signature. And like any manufacturer or service provider, He included terms and conditions – sex is meant to be enjoyed and protected within the context of a committed and loving relationship, between a man and a woman in the lifelong covenant of marriage.
After having 40 partners and bedding 370 men, Seyi has apparently realised this. Now, she says “I don't plan on having sex any time soon. If the right guy comes along and I feel I'm in a stable, loving relationship, I'd feel safe to do it.” Sex is best enjoyed in marriage. In marriage, a man and a woman can enjoy intimacy with each other without fear of abandonment, betrayal, or disease; and within this type of relationship with a stable mother and father, children can be best cared for and raised to healthy maturity. God created sex to be enjoyed between a married man and woman; not between individuals who are not married to one another as in pre-marital sex, free love or extramarital sex; and not between members of the same sex, as in homosexuality.
These restrictions are not meant to spoil our fun. Rather, they are meant to shield us from avoidable grief and devastating heartaches. Sex outside of marriage comes with many problems, a few of which include disease, unwanted pregnancy and uncared for children, guilt and emotional trauma. Consequently, it is in our best interest that we heed the gospel of abstinence, fidelity and sexual purity. However, for those who have caused themselves a lot of grief before realising this, there is still hope. I have great respect for people like Seyi Kolade who have boldly stepped out to tell their story. Our attitude towards such people should be compassion, not condemnation.
Seyi Kolade has now trained as an inspirational speaker and happiness advocate. At workshops and seminars she can help others understand what sex addiction is, where it comes from and recovery. Check out her work at www.ar4h.co.uk.