Women And Finance In Relationships
I know this is one article the women won't be happy to read. The Nigerian culture is one that has transferred everything about finance and upkeep to the man. But times are changing. We no longer live in that era when women are asked to sit at home, be full time housewives and just make babies.
Things are getting tougher in our society and men are now left with so many burdens as regards the upkeep of the wife and children. Women are also not helping the men as we are most times selfish in our relationship with them.
I know most women frown at the idea of having a joint bank account with their husband. I know so many women have had series of bad experiences when it comes to this. I know women who, in the case of a break-up, lost everything as the man plays a fast one on them. I know women who worked hard all their life and when it is time for them to relax and start enjoying the fruits of their labour, they realize there is nothing left in the account. But the truth is that until we get to this level in our relationships, we have not really yielded to love one another.
I understand your fear, but the question is: is this God's plan for us? I am one person who does not believing in deceiving myself. What we have in a good number of Nigerian marriages are two adults living together as house-mates, having sex and making children, pretending to be in love while in actual fact, they are far from being one. I wonder when I see men and women now use their children and siblings as next of kin when it should be their spouse. This shows there is nothing like trust in our homes. I don't blame you as a woman because we all have different stories to tell. But that this is the way it is done doesn't mean it is right.
I have had women who are housewives tell me how foolish their husbands are. According to one of them, the man stopped her from working and ordered her to become a full time housewife. But I can tell you that this lady has no less than N20 million in her bank account, all gotten through stealing from the man.
There is yet another lady who said she never pays her children's school fees if she doesn't get N500,000 out of it. I marvel when I hear all these stories because this is like a thief stealing from herself.
Ladies now go and meet those dishonest doctors, and have them diagnosed of a terminal illness. The doctor's diagnoses will frighten the man so much that he is ready to do anything to keep his wife alive. The one I heard speak said the husband drops N600k every month for her treatment. She goes behind to take N500k while the doctor takes the balance. I don't know what to say about this because the man will be going about with the mindset that his wife is dying. He could even be fasting and asking God for healing without knowing it is all fake.
Why have we suddenly become so desperate that we are now ready to do anything for money? I haven't seen that thing that can make me begin to lie and commit all sorts of crimes just to get money. I say this to people anywhere I am and this is subject to verification. As a signatory to my husband's account, with a right to sign cheques alone, I never at any time took money out of that account without his consent. I never in my life gave money to my parents without his knowledge because I have a different view of marriage. If really we are one, let us be one indeed.
You can do it and get better results from it. There is no point writing a long market list just to collect his money when you know there are things in that list that you don't need. So many women, while going to market write three items but with different names on the same list. I see women use their children's health to get money from their husband. Why bring evil upon yourself because of greed? What spirit has entered us that we no longer think before taking certain steps?
Some women have so belittled themselves that they go to finance people in schools to assist them in getting money from their husbands. Have you ever sat down to think of how they see you and the children you are raising? If at this stage you are doing this, remember you will someday become a grandmother and then you will graduate from stealing from your husband to stealing from your children and helping your daughter steal from her husband.
I was dumbfounded the day one of my workers told me about her landlady who advised her to always collect money from her husband before he sleeps with her. According to her, the landlady told her this before other women. She vowed never to allow her husband touch her without money. What a shame! She is not the only one guilty of this as I know a particular lady who confessed to this. Her husband is a very rich and good looking man. This got me thinking he is not in his right senses. How can a woman make herself a whore in her own house?
The pastors' wives are not left out as all they are after is how much the husband is getting from the ministry. I recently told someone how miserable a pastor would have been if God hadn't blessed his ministry. This is because all the wife is interested in is the money that comes in. A friend recently told me about her former church, where the pastor's wife calls men and tell them to give her money for lace wigs, Brazilian hair and designer jewellery for their wives. She told me that the first Brazilian hair she wore was from that woman. What a devil in the church!
Girls, we all need money and it is necessary for us to be more fulfilled in life. But you can get all the money in the world and still feel empty. It is time you run away from all those friends that give you those negative ideas on how to relate with your husband. I believe I can get whatever I want in the place of prayer. It really worked for me. That I don't get anything from my man is only if I am not really serious about it. I don't have to lie, cheat, or fight him to get what I want. Begin to see yourself as a princess who shouldn't do everything for money. Remember, one day you will leave it all here and face eternity.
If you are a working class lady, please look for a way to assist your husband. I am of the school of thought that a man should be able to provide for his home. Even the Holy Bible says it that if a man cannot provide for his family, he is worse than an infidel. But there are times the man loses his job; there are times his business takes a downward turn. Are you then going to watch him suffer and go through pain when you are in a position to help out? I have seen women with jobless husbands who go the extra mile to cover up for them. C'mon, you can cover his nakedness.