FORGIVE A CHEATING WIFE? IF YOU CHEAT, DON'T LEAVE A MARK
A socialite, Lavonne Cele Tawo, has lent her voice to this mind-boggling, emotion-sodden issue of why women cheat on their husbands.
The fashion designer and promoter of a clothesline in her name, Lavonne, strongly thinks a woman can stray when she is not getting enough attention from her hubby or boyfriend.
'Women love to be pampered and flattered. There is a problem when the man in your life does not say the right things. For a woman, it means he is not caring,' she said.
According to Lavonne, who also designs lady's hat and showcases the product as House of Etan, it is not enough for a man to pile up bread on the table for a woman and stuff her purse with oodles of cash.
'A woman needs much more than these. She needs the physical presence of her man. And the man must teach his senses – his eyes, voice and so on, to blow the mind of the woman he claims to love,' she advised.
To her, sex is another likely reason for a woman to stray. If a man does not perform often or does not do 'the thing' well, his woman will search elsewhere for satisfaction. So, lack of it and little of it may leave a woman lonely and desirous for it. At that critical stage, a man must act fast or risk losing out,' she said without reservation.
Sounding a bit reflective, Lavonne revealed that a woman could stray as a revenge on her man. Hear her: 'If her man has been caught cheating, there is no guarantee that his woman will not get even and revenge. The only way she will do it is to outsmart the man in his cheating game.'
Speaking to Sunday Sun on the telephone, she clearly stated that philandering for a woman may have financial undertone. 'If a man is out of job or broke and the woman needs money to run the home and take care of herself, she may be pressurized by her existential needs to go out and get money through sexual services,' she stated.
Another dumb-founding reason she gave is that a woman may cheat on her husband for the fun of it.
'There may be no glaring reason. The woman could just get into a string of affairs because she finds it fun and pleasurable. She won't do it for money or anything. It will just be because she feels fulfilled that way,' she revealed.
Asked if she can forgive a cheating husband or boyfriend, she quipped: 'Why not?' and added: 'We will talk it over and move on.' She advised that spouses should learn to forgive one another if caught in the act. 'But don't leave a mark on your cheating by being obstinate and unbending.'
Come to terms and forgive – Pastor Austin Ugwu
General Overseer of King's Throne Assembly, Ikorodu, Lagos, Reverend Austin Ugwu, also speaks on what he would do and the advice he will give any man whose wife cheats on him.
First of all, I will call my wife and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Before I react, I will need a confirmation directly or indirectly from her. I must have ample prove. In the same way, I won't advice any man to be rash on such a sensitive issue. You must not make assumptions or base your action on rumour. For me, I will adopt a methodical approach until I establish the truth.
When I establish the truth, I will kneel down and pray. I will ask God for guidance. It won't be easy for anyone. If it happens to you, you have to be strong and quickly come to terms. You have to find out what triggered such an odd, unchristian behaviour from your wife. No matter what, she shouldn't have gone to that extreme. In the first place, as husband and wife, you are supposed to be the best of friends. If you have failed in your matrimonial obligations, she should confront you with it and not go out to cheapen and debase herself.
She must understand that marriage is a covenant between a man and his wife. And God is the one who witnessed and sealed it. So, I will ask her for an unreserved apology. I will expect remorse and complete turn around. She must not go back to her wayward ways. If it happens to you, I will advice that you forgive her. You might go to a third party for proper counseling. That is for both of you – you and your wife. The counsellor should be someone in authority, a person both of you respect. Don't go to neighbours or friends who will use the incident and make mockery of your wife. Some people will even hold it against her forever.
Emotional, psychological trauma
It should not be the basis for a breakup. As a legally married couple, you should learn to stay together. If you handle the matter well, you and your wife will come back together and become tighter and sweeter than before. But the fact is, it won't be easy. You are dealing with a deeply psychological and emotional matter. So, go softly but very quickly.
Safeguard family ties
The reason you should tread softly is that you already have a lot in common. There may be kids and assets you have together. You share friends and family ties. If you break up, what are you going to do with the children? What about your friends and family?
Don't go to town and wash your dirty linen. You will forgive your wife but people outside won't. They will turn her into an object of ridicule. In case you don't know, it is also an insult to you and whatever happens to your wife rubs off on you. That is why you must be careful in dealing with the issue. Treat it as an intimate family secret.