Your Relationship Must Be New And Fresh
Dear Nana Ama, I am 22 and a student. While in high school, I fell in love with a guy who lived in a different region.
Initially the relationship was blissful, until October last year when long-distance challenges took their toll on it. We eventually broke up because things were not working well between us.
I met another guy some time this year but my feelings for him are mixed because he is very demanding and also greedy, in the sense that he only looks me up when he needs something. He is a student in the Central Region and I'm always the one who initiates telephone calls.
Meanwhile, my ex boyfriend is staging a comeback but says before we get together again I must see to my temper. He says I'm quick tempered and that I have to change because we will be getting married soon after school.
Nana, I love my ex boyfriend very much. The new one says he loves me and adores me but that feeling, I'm afraid, is not mutual.
Please what should I do?
Dear Lizzy, In life most people tend not to appreciate some things until they lose it. Thus, breaking up and getting back together happens to be a pretty common event with a number of couples.
Sometimes, after they have broken up for some time, there is a tendency for lovers to think about only the good times they had together and when this happens they begin to miss their exes. This then starts the process of making them think that they want to get back together.
However, there were specific reasons the relationship broke up and until you work on what caused the break up, those reasons will still exist to haunt you.
Since you still love your ex and it appears he also feels the same way about you, judging from his come-back moves, the obvious solution may be to try to get together again.
However, the question you must ask yourself is, Can the feeling you are both currently having be able to overcome the reasons you broke up?
As he has rightly pointed out, for the new relationship to work out you will both have to sort out those issues which caused the relationship to fail the first time around.
Reconciling with your ex after the break up means starting things afresh with him. The relationship you are thinking of must not only be new but improved.
Has he moved to your region or vice versa? If the answer to that question is no, then it will be in your interest to critically examine the challenges of long-distance relations you faced and then work through them together.
He wants you to work on your temper. What do you also want him to work on to bring some freshness to your relationship? Sort them out.
Finally, bear in mind that for a relationship to last, there must be love, mutual respect and a commitment to make it work. All three are necessary to retain your relationship.