Are your parents rejecting your partner?
In times past, it was the responsibility of parents to look for partners for their children. Children only gave their approval. Today it is children who look for their own partners and seek parental consent. Unfortunately for some partners seeking parental consent becomes an uphill task. Many are left confused and frustrated.
Advantages of parental influence
Parents are older and more experienced. They research the background of potential partners to ensure a successful marriage.
Your parents know you and will give you what fits. They are not blinded by infatuation, lust and romance. They can, therefore, make decisions based on rational thinking.
Studies show that even though 60 per cent of all marriages fail, in situations where parents choose partners for their children, failure rate could be as low as 10 per cent.
Disadvantages of parental influence
Parents have different lifestyles. Their views and expectations of marriage may differ. What they look for may not be as important as what their children think. Experienced parents may see young and inexperienced lovers as unfit for marriage even though they may have been the same before marriage.
If parents choose partners for you, they would expect good returns for their effort and may be tempted to interfere unduly in your marriage.
Are your parents rejecting your lover?
If your parents are rejecting your lover, appreciate their concerns. Don't be insolent. Even when you know they are wrong bide time and take a second look at their fears.
Share your views about their concerns. If you can convince them to trust you in making a good choice they may give in to trust you in making a good choice. You may also appeal to a respected member of your family or church to plead for you.
If your parents are still adamant it may be advisable to give in especially if they have good reasons like your lover being unfaithful, lazy, abusive and reckless.
You may ignore those bad habits when you are in a romantic love but you have to live with those bad habits when you marry.
Your marriage will be just as successful if your partner was chosen for you by an official of your church, family member as when you choose yourself. This means if your parents are rejecting your lover and you marry another you could equally be happy in your marriage whoever you marry.
It is the commitment, partnership, honesty, forgiving spirit and prayer that will ensure your success in marriage.
Love is a verb but not feeling. It is what you do to make your lover better. This means there are many fishes in the sea. It is a myth to think that there is only one person you can marry.
The idea of Mr Right or soul mate is only sentimental.
If you insist on marrying against your parent's wish, make every effort to warm your way back to your parents.
Your partner has to do everything to prove herself that she is better than what your parents thought by her kindness, hard work and taking the in-laws who reject her as her own parents.
Parents can also be sincerely wrong and you need to forgive them.
Never shun your parents because they disapprove of your choice of partner. Their decisions may come out of deep concern for you.
Sometimes they take us out of certain danger.
Many live in painful marriages and wished they had listened to their parents.
Never make the choice of your partner a life and death affair. You can have an ex lover but never an ex parent. You have the genes of your parents.
You are, therefore, bound to them by life. Never destroy the bond with your parents. You need their support and blessing in your marriage. You also need the support and blessing of your partner to have a happy marriage. Make every effort to seek a good balance.
Source: The Mirror