Women Love Their Son Than Daughter Until He Becomes A Husband
Most families always want a son. Women have been encouraged to continue to have babies until the first son is born. You can tell from the face of the father after each birth by his wife if it is another girl or finally a boy. The celebration after the birth of that son is grander. But different from the Indian culture of dowry for a man.
We must wonder why parents love and respect the sons more than the daughters. But when the same sons become fathers, they are less favored and appreciated than daughters as mothers. We accept that women are better at multitasking and more flexible than men. As women get older they are more useful to their children's families. They get closer and jealously protect their own creations than men.
Come to think about it, daughters are more useful, empathic and never actually leave the family emotionally even when married compared to the sons. You would think that with all the accolades, encouragement and investment in boys, they will return as much love as girls. The surprise or readjustment usually comes from the daughter. She contributes more in kind if they cannot do so financially. You can rely on them most of the time. They hardly leave their mother alone. A lady followed both parents to see their family doctor. Both parents asked their daughter to come in as an open family. While there, the father asked for Viagra. The daughter objected: daddy don’t kill my mother. The mother told her daughter to mind her business!
However, we place so much responsibility on the son especially if he is the first born. This same responsibility is expected of him once he gets married, though they gradually get absorbed by their new family. Indeed, the debate is who deserves to be more comfortable if you have to make a first choice as a man: your mother or your wife. Many people think the first house or the first car should be for your mother before your wife. Nevertheless, it may be understood if you have a family with children to provide for; your immediate immediate family comes first. Children from rich homes look at this differently. The sons may excuse their preference by claiming their fathers already have houses and their mothers have cars.
So why do we invest more on sons when we, especially the mothers, get more in returns from the daughters? There used to be a time when parents would rather send sons for further studies than daughters. Circumstances have changed. Daughters are better educated today, financially capable and better at multitasking than they have ever been. It may be that cultural expectations linger. Female teachers were surprised when recorded in a study: they were inadvertently encouraging more boys in their classrooms than girls.
There are more girls in the universities these days than boys. If it is not for affirmative action, more of the girls would be in professional schools at home and abroad. There are more of them in the universities already. Actually, a good number of the professional ladies bring more money home than their partners. Believe it or not, their partners may not know. Something changed about sons that made them less favorable once they became fathers. The mothers would become the preference of the children.
The problem is when mothers go overseas thinking they are going on vacation. Mama, the vacation abroad is not easy o! When children feel like rewarding or sending parents on trips at home or abroad, you can bet it has to be the mother. Their tickets are left unused if they do not want to leave the husbands alone; until the children plead and persuade mum to help make up her mind.
The fact that mothers can live with their son in law is not a big deal and understandable because she is more useful in their home than the father. Fathers hardly help around their homes not to think of their children's house. Compared to the mother that multitasks. Recently, we saw a mother's celebration on one of the social media, stolen from her husband because her daughter had invited her overseas for a "holiday".
When she landed, she was dancing shoko. Most of the comments congratulated her on this "great feat" in her life. Mummy, the excitement of going overseas will change after a couple of months. You will miss your husband back home, even worse he may find solace in the bosoms of others. In the first place, it can be very lonely for the elders or grandparents apart from the shivering cold overseas. it is not a place you can easily interact with those you know and others you hardly know.
The children you longed so much to bond with are not easily available. You will find out that one and in most cases both husband and wife work almost throughout the day or night. By the time they get home, they will be so tired, you will pity them. Indeed, you will be asking them if they had eaten or what they would want to eat. It means, you would start cooking for them even if they do not ask you.
Since you are at home not doing much, you might as well help them babysit their kids. It will save them a bundle of money. The cost of babysitting one or two kids can take most of the salary of one of the couple. So do not be surprised if they offer you a token as pocket money. Some of the mothers that know how much they are saving their children are appreciated; with minimum wage. It is good money when you get back home.
By the time grandmother started babysitting for a while, she would come to realize how big a task it is to take care of those fresh, rude and stubborn kids. They do not listen to grandma and you cannot hit them for any reason. If you do, they will call the Police! Actually some of them may play some pranks, hide and seek on you. Once their parents are back home, they may behave and start their pranks when the parents leave home.
Ma'am, do not get frustrated if you did not train or had their parents abroad. It is part of life there. Before the six months of your original intended stay; you may be itching to go back home to your neglected husband and friendly environment. Too much loneliness, cold, little time with your hardworking children and their lack of time for "normal life". Please do not ask them how they could live like that. They are "enjoying" oyinbo country.
The bottomline is that if Grandma decided to go back home early, she would put them in debt. If you do not know, they are still paying for your ticket. Even, the money you saved them by babysitting will not cover their expenses on you if you leave too early. They were planning to buy you presents and gifts for siblings and relatives back home if you stayed longer. A few months is simply not enough. They may have to find or make another arrangement for daycare. Mama nor fall their hands o!
Farouk Martins Aresa @oomoaresa