Why I Refused My Husband Sex...Nollywood Producer’s Wife, Biola Osotule Reveals
Nollywood producer, Obi Osotule, is married to Bola, a banker. They talk about their nine-year-old marriage
How did you meet your husband?
Bola: We met through Gilda Amata, who is Ruke Amata's wife. We have been friends since secondary school.
What were the circumstances under which you met?
Bola: I do not really remember because there was no particular event. One thing just led to another.
Were you match made?
Bola: It was not matchmaking. It was sort of a suggestion because there was no formal arrangement.
How did the relationship develop?
Obi: After we met, we did not see again for a long time because then, I was executing a project in Jigawa State. However, we used to talk on the phone. Fred Amata used to tease me about spending so much time on the phone with her.
Bola: I think that was what made the relationship blossom. We used to talk on the phone for hours.
How did he propose to you?
Bola: He is unromantic. From the initial, he told me he was not looking for a girlfriend, but a wife. I told him it would not work that way because we had to be friends first. Before we knew it, we were discussing marriage plans.
What were the initial attractions?
Bola: He was someone I could talk with. If I can spend hours talking with someone, it means we are friends.
Obi: I discovered she is intelligent. It is difficult to talk to some people. When you meet someone who listens, is eager to live with you and pick your mind, you discover how smart the person is. Those are some qualities women rarely possess. Most women think emotionally, rather than intellectually. I am tempted to say my wife thinks like a man. Also, my mother died when I was three years old and as our relationship progressed, I found in her a mother.
Did your family and friends oppose your relationship?
Bola: People were opposed to our relationship because he used to be married. I was advised not to marry him because there were many stories about him being impotent. Some people advised me to get pregnant before marriage, but I told them it was against my religion. I told them I had prayed about it and nothing would happen.
Were you not sceptical about marrying someone who was presumed impotent?
Bola: I was brought up to be tolerant and open-minded. I do not worry about so many things that people often lose sleep over. When he told me his side of the story, there was no need for me to ask him to conduct any medical tests. I am a Christian and my entire faith is in God. I put everything before God and when I felt convinced, I told him we would not have sex until we were married. I got pregnant almost immediately after we got married.
Why did you consent to her decision to avoid premarital sex?
Obi: I was not worried because that was not what I was after. I was after happiness. When you are out of a marriage that lasted for many years and it did not go the way you wanted it, a lot of sadness and worry would come up. In as much as I knew I had been married earlier without kids, I did not think I would have a problem. I was not bothered because I felt I had seen it all. If that was going to make the relationship better, I was all for it.
How would you describe your marriage?
Obi: No marriage is a bed of roses, so we weather the storms together.
What do you love most about your husband?
Bola: I love everything about him, but what I do not like about him is that that he loves to watch football all the time. Everybody must watch football because he wants to watch football. He also loves to watch sports like cricket which I consider boring.
How would you describe your wife?
Obi: She is an inestimable jewel.
You both have challenging jobs, how do you spend time as a family?
Bola: We both come back late from work, but we communicate on the phone. We try to go on vacation once or twice a year during which we go out, shop and have fun watching movies. It is difficult going out on weekends but we try.
How have you made your marriage work unlike some celebrity marriages?
Bola: I am not a celebrity, but my husband is. I avoid the limelight and I do not attend all the Nollywood events.
Why is that?
Bola: When you start hanging with them, people will have stories to write about you. I go to work and come back home. I spend the weekends with my kids and I go with them to wherever I go on weekends. I do not attend weddings except the person is close to me. Due to the nature of my job, I attend a lot of work-related events.
Obi: She was a part of Nollywood and had acted in some movies and soap operas but I advised her against it. I have refused to allow her feature in movies because I don't think that would be good for us. There has to be a dissimilarity in our professions. She is also a friend of the media, by virtue of her job.
Would you encourage your children to become actors if they develop interest in it?
Bola: If I knew acting would become as lucrative as it is today, I would have stayed back. I would encourage anyone that wants to become an actor. I had always wanted to become an actor since I was in secondary school but my dad did not encourage me. I just wanted to be rich and famous. I will still be for all the right reasons.
What advice would you give to spouses who are married to celebrities?
Bola: People should learn to keep their homes together and whatever happens in their home should stay there. When you start telling people, you would get awkward advices.
Obi: No two marriages are the same. Nothing is predictable but they should make what they want out of their marriage. That it never worked for someone does not mean it would not work for others. As you lay your bed, so shall you lie on it.
What pet names do you call each other?
Obi: I call her Honey. Sometimes, it is just a way of getting her attention.
Bola: I call him Honey also but somehow I stopped. Now I call him Mr. Osotule so the kids would know his name. The kids have a way of listening to what you say and could think his name is Honey.