The Secret Is That There Is No Secret

By Lee Ann Lambert

Everyone is talking about The Secret. I guess it's time for me to throw my two cents worth into the discussion, so here it is: There really isn't a "secret". There's quantum physics, there's the power of positive thinking, there's reaping what we sow - it's all the same and it's really nothing new. But everyone wants to know how to make The Secret work. Presented here are some questions you can ask yourself and some ideas to explore that will help lead you to a more positive place in your life, thus creating a more positive future. Let's get started.

- Do I accept the person I am? Do I really know who I am, or am I trying to be someone I think I should be?

These questions are extremely difficult for some people to answer, and yet it's important to living a positive lifestyle to know the answers. Many of us have never taken the time to answer these questions and may be afraid of what the answers would be. We might disappoint ourselves or someone else. When answering "Who am I?" we often think of ourselves in terms of labels. I am a such and such or so and so. Is that really who I am? Or is who I am something deeper? Personally, I believe that who I am is what really causes a spark in me. I can try to be a lot of other things, but clues to my real self can be found in what gives me a jolt. Beyond that, we must ask, "Am I still playing the game of trying to make sure that everyone likes me and I fit in with the crowds I think I should fit in with"? This is tough because we are unfortunately socialized by the media, schools, and others to have to "fit" everywhere. What we really need to think about and work towards is fitting into our true selves. That's part of the equation of truly loving our own self. And loving and accepting ourselves is a big part of the "secret".

- What is my vision for my life? Am I honoring it? Who is the person that I wish to become? Have I truly explored who I want to be remembered as?

When one finds the answers to these questions, one can begin to act on creating a positive path to get to that life, that person he/she wishes to become. By taking these positive steps, you are creating positive outcomes in your future. This is not to say that your path will be straight and problem-free. In fact, it may be winding and you may encounter challenges. Keep your eyes and heart open to new possibilities and situations that will help you grow. The journey is a very important part of reaching the destination, and sometimes the destination even changes as you go along. This is also an important element to knowing the "secret".

- Do I think I am worthy and deserving of "the good stuff"?

This is really a yes or no question. But sometimes we say "Well, yes, but.......", and then come up with caveats and reasons as to why we may not be deserving. Where's that coming from? Have you committed some serious wrongs that need to be righted? Are you regurgitating negatives that you internalized as a child? Are you still torturing yourself over some regret that you've spent way too much energy on? The answer to the question "Do I deserve a good life/good stuff?" needs to be "Yes! I am deserving of good things because I am OK and whole". If you aren't feeling that way, then find a way to work through the issues surrounding your feelings of not being worthy. There are many therapeutic modalities that can help with this.

- Forgiveness towards ourselves and others

I know, I know. It's hard. Really, I know from my own experience. Forgiving yourself for past transgressions requires looking one last time at what you need to forgive yourself for, doing what you can to make amends (if necessary and if it won't cause additional grief), and giving up on torturing yourself. Just let it go. Every time you relive that particular bad moment, you recreate it in your present moment, thus wasting the only thing you truly have - right now, which really needs to be used for creating a positive next moment.

As for forgiving others, well, sometimes we just don't want to, and sometimes it's nearly impossible to. Holding on to anger and hurt that others have caused us only blocks forward movement and growth. It's like setting a boulder in the middle of the road, you can work around it, sure, but it does tend to slow things down. Depending on what you're dealing with, you may need to just give up on being angry and just let go of it. Ask yourself, "How is holding on to this helping me?" If there's something big - past abuse or the like, you may need to work with a therapist, counselor or other healing professional to get to forgiveness or some semblance of it.

- Appreciation for your own uniqueness - looks, talents, gifts Why do we spend so much time focusing on what we consider to be our negatives? And why do we consider some of our special unique traits to be negative? When I was young, my mom always said that I march to a different drummer. She didn't mean that there was something wrong with me. She meant that I was unique. But she forgot to mention that, so I, in my child's mind, equated that to being somehow bad and weird. I still march to a different drummer, but I've discovered that the drummer that makes me "weird" is also the drummer who helped me develop a very sharp wit and an extremely empathetic manner that draws people to me. I could continue with my list of uniquenesses, but the point I'm trying to make is that those things that make us different from everyone else are the things that make us our own wonderful selves. They need to be celebrated!

- A grateful heart

What a sense of gratefulness does is it causes us to focus on positives. In doing so, we feel better emotionally, mentally, even physically. This shows in our daily interactions with others and with the Universe. I am very aware that there are days when finding things to be grateful about is an extremely daunting task. But there is always, somewhere in our life, no matter how dark everything else is, a tiny glint of something good or that can be good. And thankfully, there are days when it's easy to be grateful.

- Helping others

A good way to get what you want in life is to help others get what they want or need. It's kind of like "What goes around comes around". Call it the Law of Reciprocity. Somehow, when we connect with others in a way that helps them move forward, we also move forward. This can be demonstrated in our professional and our personal lives.

These thoughts and questions to ask and answer are at the heart of creating a positive self-image, and feeding the positive energies that surround each of us. This is the secret. Positive steps today will lead to a more positive tomorrow. Is it easy? I tend to think that sometimes it's not. But with practice, and intention, it does get easier. You can start on your journey today.

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