Press Release: Nigeria’s capital To Be Relocated To Somalia!

By Ikechukwu Enyiagu

The news reaching me today from the government seat of Nigeria, Abuja, indicates that there is an ongoing plan by the federal government of Nigeria to transfer the Federal Capital Territory to Somalia. The reason behind this decision by the government, it was gathered, was not unconnected with the reason for yet another ongoing arrangement to build three (3) new oil refineries in Indonesia. According to president Goodluck's administration, “The country is not safe for investments that must yield.” There has been an agreement between the Somali and Nigerian governments to relocate the new capital to Yenagoa but was later decided that the said new capital is to be situated in Somalia, considering “matters arising.”

When one wonders the possibility of this strange moves and the correlation between the warring Somalia and the confused Nigeria, the answers to all these roll in: As Israeli government took the contract of protecting the presidency, the Somali government has taken the contract of directing the Nigerian government on how to keep the head up in years of continued and unending civil war. As gathered, it was agreed that a relocation of the capital to a place like Bayelsa or Rivers would afford the presidency a greater chance of maneuvering through many threats since he gas gained mastery of the creeks from childhood. However, considering the uncertainties and unstable nature of the Niger Delta region, and the seeming resilience of the Somali government in a war-torn country, Nigeria has finally agreed to shift its seat of power to Somalia. This is the news coming from Nigerian government, the seat of poisonous and life-destroying jokes made by thoughtless elders and leaders of the giant of Africa. Anything is a joke, yet any news goes.

Does anyone understand any of these mentioned above: I do not. Can somebody tell me the meaning of these jokes, if they are? I deeply long to fully comprehend the times of Nigeria in the prophecy and countdown of all times. April Fools usually happen once every year, and in most cases, do not cause any harm. For all the years I have lived a Nigerian, I've come to discover that the government of Nigeria is fraught with April Fools; nothing seems as it sounds. Should we be more worried about Nigeria's intention to invest billions of dollars in a distant and disaster-ripped Indonesian soil, should we praise them instead; should we pretend it's yet happening in the limbo, or should we put up fierce resistance this time?

Indonesia, the fourth largest country in the world, with about three hundred and ninety million (390,000,000) in population, is situated in the Southeast Asia, and having common neighborhood with Papua New Guinea, East Timor, and Malaysia. Apart from the population of Indonesia which constantly threatens the living standard of its citizens, Indonesia is also known as a home for unusual natural disasters. These disasters, which have left everywhere in Indonesia susceptible, usually come unannounced. The population of Indonesia has almost turned the citizens into Nigerians-slaving for others wherever they may be accepted. Indonesians can be found in their numbers in Malaysia, Thailand, Saudi Arabia, U.A.E., and other countries, doing every conceivable odd job. An average doctor in Indonesia earns a peanut-salary. In other words, Indonesia is in a struggling situation; one which, perhaps, is worse than that of Nigeria when derivations and manpower are considered.

Nigeria has the largest number of unemployed graduates, yet we are building more universities. We would prefer squeezing parents dry of all their savings in other to train their children, and when it's job creation, we would rather create them for Indonesians and others instead of Nigerians. Nigeria has one of the best of lands, yet we would prefer to relocate our infrastructures to other countries. Nigeria mines oil, yet we would opt to refine them abroad, and then, ship a few back to the country-causing untold hardship on Nigerians. We have the human resources, but the concerns of our leaders have nothing in common with alleviating poverty; on the contrary, their aim is to make life unlivable for true Nigerians. There are several Nigerian graduates with every qualification and proof for success, but the government would prefer to work with those who bought their certificates, who drank and slept their ways through college, as advisors. If Nigeria is not safe and fit for Nigerian investments, which country would you expect to come in to invest? If the Nigerian government agrees to partner in a venture which would gulp our billions of dollars in other to provide thousands of jobs for citizens of another country, who would provide jobs for Nigerians? As it is now, another news has come out from the government, denying any involvement with the Indonesian plot. Then it's a joke, just like the Somalia joke; only, let's watch out how this joke becomes another incurable disease against Nigerians.

A bishop once called Nigerians: a “suffering and smiling” people; Pastor Tunde Bakare said that Nigerians are idiots ruled by fools, that “it takes idiots to be ruled by fools.” My question is: how elastic can Nigerians get? Has our elastic limit, our patience, our indifference not exceeded? Whose duty is it to tell the leaders to stop or step aside? Kerosene has long become a rich man's privileges in Nigeria, and one would budget specially for petrol while he budgets for a car; what then shall the ongoing “fuel subsidy removal” do to Nigerians? Crimes grow with unimaginable rates in Nigeria simply because no one remembers his duties to the leaders of this country, which duties include, first and foremost, calling them to order. Nigerians would prefer to become and remain individual thieves than to task the government to do what is right. It's no progress, no one should celebrate; it's a generational decay. I put it to you that a country with highly corrupt leadership yields nothing but highly corrupt businessmen, schools, religious leaders, relationships, children, and future. Until and unless Nigerians learn to live a true life, ours shall be worse than Sodom and Gomorrah. The labor union is a collateral damage. Only a mass call: from schools to markets, from labor union to teachers; from hospitals to lawyers and from religious places to mothers for A Sovereign National Conference would help the future we all are trying very hard to build and protect today. He who believes in God and reads that “sin is a reproach to any nation” but goes ahead to develop his personal fraudulent abilities as means to overcome the government callousness, instead of standing up, risking what has forever been risked, and shouting a big No to the government, such a man deceives his soul. A man has lost every excuse who does not strive to obey.