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Women are usually more mature and smarter than men in spite of what many think. But most men want their gut instinct about a woman to be right. If they think she is a good girl, they want to give her the benefit of doubt in spite of suspicious evidence to the contrary. In the case of women, they can spot irresponsible men from a distant, no matter how he hides it. It is different from falling in love with a bad boy, which is a choice. They already know what is in store for them, though may wish they can change him.

Irresponsible men are easier to identify as a young person but harder to spot a girl that everyone expects to be a good wife and mother. Indeed, there are certain women that are attracted to irresponsible men they call bad boys. Many of them may do well in life as long as they do not turn to illegal activities. Some of them are even married to the best wives anyone can wish for and no amount of pressure will keep them away from those bad boys.

There are men and women that always get into bad relationships no matter how many times they try. A few are so well known and people can predict how long the relationship is going to last. In some communities, investigations are made before marriage in order to avoid a philanderer. In spite of that, some marriages break because we hate to see or accept the facts right before our eyes. We are not talking about relationships that break because of bad economic situation both partners have no control over. It is about being tied down as a wife.

As for young men, they know the party girls in school that flirt with everyone and party all night. If you end up with her, do not blame anyone if she refuses to shed old skin. Others girls forget about fun old days and may decide to settle down because she already had her fill. Take home a lady your mother will be proud of. The amount of divorce amongst young people is nothing to be happy about because of the consequences on the children.

Older men thinking they have advantage with money, have been warned to be careful after divorce or separation when looking for another wife, especially in the younger ladies. Women are much better as a friend sometimes than turning them into wives. There are certain distance that command respect as a friend than becoming husband and wife. Friendships are much better to handle than unrealistic expectations that must be fulfilled in a second marriage. Fortunately many women that are not cut out to be a wife prefer it that way too.

It is not only men that cannot be a good husband and father, there are laws to make them pay if they leave a woman pregnant and bare footed. Unfortunately so are some women that are not cut out to be a wife. There is a difference though, most women are good mothers no matter what they are to their husbands. The problem lay on the expectation of family and friends in the community. If community requires most women to get married, parents do not want their daughters and friends out for fear of being odd. Yet, many good women cannot find a good man.

Unlike some men bolting out of family responsibility, some women that are not comfortable being a wife can be hard working, responsible and in some cases catering for men and their children. Most of the symptoms are there early for women but families and friends keep on hoping that these women will change. There are cases where even the women struggle to be a good wife trying to be what is expected of them. Others try to have it both ways: a good wife while philandering like some men. While many can be discrete, others have affairs close by.

It is like the case of natural homosexual that family and friends try to cure with medical means or prayer. Usually, it is a misdirected effort in futility. Just as we have come to tolerate a man philanderer, we may have to let a woman, not cut out to be a wife, be herself instead of fooling their husbands, friends and family. We have to understand that a compulsive behavior require more than community norm to cure if that behavior is not illegal. The husband or wife has to realize that no matter what, the spouse will not change and it may be better to move on.

The same is not true about women that are not cut out to be a wife. Many men like them as girlfriends from a distance or on the other side but never a center of their life. There are men that are willing to marry an ugly girl as long as they know she is a good girl but others marry a pretty girl that gives them reason to being wary. The problem is that other men thinking like them may like the same ugly woman for the same reason. Being beautiful or ugly has little to do with being faithful. Every woman is endowed in some ways. Until you try, may not discover it.

There are cases, where friends and relatives are deadly against the choice of a man because they know the woman either for some reputation or suspicion. When a man is in love, he hardly listens until he finds out what others know. In cases where others keep what they know from him, the joke is on his head. By the time a man terminates the relationship, it could be out of shame because of what others know or out of disappointment.

A couple had an argument and the wife, a home maker told the husband a physician, that he knew that she would not normally marry a man below her like him. Puzzled by the argument, further information revealed that the lady was a high class girl at parties of the rich and famous before she married him. He was warned not to marry her but he rejected their advice. He might have been right to marry her based on the promise the lady made to forget her past.

This could have been a lady that was not cut out to be a wife but forced herself into that role based on family, friends and community pressure. Fortunately for her, she stayed in the role of a good wife, travelled out of the country and came back with her husband. By the time she got older and could no more be in demand as a party girl, she was glad with the decision she made and lucky with her choice of man.

These stories of women not cut out to be wives do not usually end up being rosy. By the time good time party girl realizes she has to settle down, time has gone. But then if she is a cash madam, toys boys are also available to fit into her life style. In that case, there is no loser. The family and friends just have to understand that just as some men are philanderers, there are some women created that way too.

Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect those of The Nigerian Voice. The Nigerian Voice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."

Articles by Farouk Martins Aresa