THE WILD AND THE AGED
For those who threaten the public with their mode of dressing or make-up we have stringent standards which we enforce with our ever diligent fashion police. They need not scare our children all in the name of applying blushers for instance.
Do you remember Charles Darwin, the custodian of one of the theories of evolution? We have just invested in a time machine that would take offenders who don't know the difference between their bedroom and a public place to that era. We think they would feel better in that era as they won't need to wear clothes. We'll not tolerate fashion no-nos. With the help of the style secret service (SSS), our eyes are everywhere. So be careful o!
Desperado
When you dress like this in public what impression are you portraying? Honestly, does this make you look better or prettier than those who are fully dressed? Girlfriend, this is cheap and desperate. We hereby order you to dress in robes henceforth and you are to remain in our custody until you post
a bail bond of N6million.
Bomb scare
Intelligence reaching us reveal that you automatically became the belle of the party because of your generous display of 'kegs'. We were told that you got the men drooling and they couldn't take their eyes off them. Despite the bomb scare some guys were staring. Girlfriend, flaunting this is contrary to the moral code. But if you insist, we think it is better we purchase a time machine that would take you back
to the Garden of Eden. Pay
N5million immediately.
.
No, No
We almost missed this, but no matter how hard you try to tamper with evidence we won't let go. Madam, our investigation cost taxpayers so much because we had to call in the style forensic expert to take a second look at this. With the help of these experts the prosecuting counsel has been able to prove beyond reasonable doubt your guilt. Pay N4million fine.
Blushing mummies
Mummies attention please! Section 801 subsection 245a of the Beauty and Blush edict states 'Always complete the application of foundation, powder and all eye makeup before the blush. Smile and apply the colour on your cheekbones to your hairline'. For flouting this edict,
pay a fine of
N1.5million each.
Blushing mummies
Mummies attention please! Section 801 subsection 245a of the Beauty and Blush edict states 'Always complete the application of foundation, powder and all eye makeup before the blush. Smile and apply the colour on your cheekbones to your hairline'. For flouting this edict,
pay a fine of
N1.5million each.
.
Let sleeping boobs lie
When we saw this exhibit, we couldn't help but think about the old proverb: 'let sleeping dog lie'. In your case, we can't but ask why you never let your sleeping boobs lie in peace. You know so well that in the cleavage business, there is a plethora of boobs and in order to curb the influx of substandard boobs, the screening is stiff. For wasting taxpayer's money, pay the sum of N2.5million or go get help from Karen of Big Brother
Amplified..