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'HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME'

By NBF News

Njigirl,
I say without reservation that you are doing a great job. God bless you. I need your advice on the situation between my girl and I. Let me say that we both love each other. The problem we have is that she loves making night calls (which are free) and always insists we talk every night. On my part, I don't like it. If I don't talk to her she will get someone else to talk to. I don't know what to do.

• DANIEL
Hello Daniel,
When you met her, you knew that she had this habit right? Is this something that she suddenly developed? If not then it is something that you readily accepted when you met. It will be hard to get her to stop at this time but it is not impossible. Just let her know that; while you would love to stay all night and chat, you need to get your rest in order to face the morning. Does she work at night? In the beginning, I would say that you indulge her and then slowly ease off this trend. Put your feet down in what you want and don't want in this relationship but play it safe.

Nj
Dear Nji,
I am from Delta State. I had a girlfriend when I was 16 years. She wanted me to have sex with her. Stupidly, blinded by my money and the fact that I had other girlfriends, I asked her to leave my house even after she had undressed. But now, I need her back; I have tried to talk to her i have tryed talk 2 her bt no avail nt i luv/need nw

•FAITH
Hello Faith,
So, you rejected this girl when she was most vulnerable and now you want her back? Well, since it has been a while maybe she has found someone else or maybe she is reciprocating your rejection of her by rejecting you too. If you really want her, then pursue her with zeal and effort. Buy her gifts and call her to say hello. Send flowers to her job and ask if you can take her to the movies. It is possible that with persistence, she may open up to your advances. If she does not, do not force it just count your losses and move on.

NJ
Njigirl,
You have been solving other people's problem, so I believe that my own will not be different. Please I need your help. My own problem is that I am 26 and my boyfriend is 25 years. We have known each other for six months now and we have been very close to each other. I love him but I don't know if he really loves me or he just says so. When my in-law died I asked him to take me home with his motorcycle On our way to my house, I asked him what he would say if my people wanted to know from him what I am to him. He said: 'I don't know for you but for me when my mummy asked me about you I told her I love you and I want to make you my friend.' Then, the first day I visited him, I didn't want to spend the night with him because of sex issue but he noticed and assured me that I can join her mummy if am afraid of being touched, he said that he just wanted to have a chat with me. But I did not go to her mum's room; instead I stayed in his room. Though he maintained his promise and did not make love with me, we still caressed like lovers except that there was no penetration. Since then I have been spending nights with him as usual. But the problem now is that he has been making a demand for sex, but when I say I don't want that for now, he would tell me to permit him to find another girl if am not ready for sex - that when I am ready I should let him know that he will continue do anything possible to make me happy and this same person asked me to come and take back my picture. Simply because I refused to spend a night with him, he started calling another girl on phone right in my presence when I visited on one Sunday evening, but he later promised not to repeat such words again. That day I felt very bad. Please I want you to advise me on how to test this guy to know if he is really for me or not. He is the second person in my life and I don't want to make another mistake again, I don't want to be used and dumped. I want to test his love. How do I go about doing that? Please help me; I am confused. Thanks

• NGOZI
Dear Ngozi,
From what I gather here you are afraid that your man may not be serious about his intentions for two reasons. One reason is that he only introduces you as a friend that he loves and not as a fiance and the other is that he is now pressuring you for sex. Your question is: how do you know that he loves you? Well, for one he has initially respected your wish to not have sex with you (i.e. penetration) even though you have engaged in foreplay. Secondly, he was being truthful when he told his mother that he loves you as a friend. Sex is an integral part of a serious adult relationship and should be performed when both parties are ready. If you are not ready and your guy is, he should still be patient and wait for you. If he exerts unwarranted pressure for you to 'give it up' then he may not have the interest of a longterm relationship. I think you should stop sleeping with him lest you are tempted to have sex prematurely. If he truly loves you, he will wait for you to be ready.

Nj
Hi Njigirl,
I must say that you are touching people' lives with this column. I'm a regular reader of the Sunday Sun and I have not seen my request published. I don't know why. I'm a final year student in a university in the South East. I have been dating a girl for about one year. All of a sudden, she stopped calling and sending text messages. When I asked her, she said there was no problem until I found that she was seeing someone else. When I confronted her, she admitted and told me that she had got marriage proposals. We promised each other marriage because of distance. Let me not go into details. Just last week, her guy or husband-to-be called me asking to know I was; after much explanation on how close we are, he told me that both of us are dating one girl. He said that we should team up against this girl. For reasons best known to him, he said that he would poison her mind, saying that she would call just to insult me and not want to hear my own story and hate me and all that; He said that I shouldn't call her for a week. I don't know what they discussed about me. The problem is I love this girl from my heart and I don't want to lose her. Please advise me on what to do at this point. Thank you and God bless.

Hello,
Let me understand this. Your girlfriend is seeing someone else and talking about marriage with that person. Your girlfriend's fiance called you to discuss your girlfriend and fed you some lies about 'dealing' mutually with her perhaps to teach her a lesson? Well, you were taken for a fool because he is still with her and said those things to you to get you to back off. To make matters worse, he has also fed your girlfriend some lies about you hence the insults you referred to.

You need a reality check here; you no longer have a girlfriend. This girl has made her choice to be with the other person and not you. You must cut your losses and move on; she belongs to someone else.

Nj
Hi Njigirl,
I have actually learned a lot through your column. And feel a strong conviction to tell you my own story. I am a guy in my early 20's. Four years ago I ended a relationship with a lady who loved me dearly because of two reasons. One, she was too demanding when it comes to love, I mean, she was moving too fast for me. Two, I found a new girl who is prettier so as to say. The new girl and myself continued our relationship and indeed it was great. She has visited my house and very well known to everyone in my family. I have also reciprocated the visit. But about seven months ago I registered a Facebook account for her, which means I have all access to the account. Later I started seen some messages in her inbox from about four different guys. I tried to ask her about the relationship she has with them but instead she turned aggressive and would not pick my call since then.

Please advise me - I really love this girl and I don't want to become a laughing stock for the first girl.

• S.O.
Hello,
First of all, that you opened up a Facebook account for your girlfriend does not give you the right to choose her password. I keep talking about privacy issues in relationships because it is very important. Your girlfriend or wife as the case may be is an individual who has individual tastes and interests. Yes, at some point those tastes and interests become narrow so that you both find a common niche but they do not have to totally merge. There will still be an element or two that she solely finds interesting and wants to hold on to. This is the same for you. Both of you must learn to respect those elements without compromising your relationship or making them the core of your relationship.

Now, social network engines such as Facebook are tools that help us to connect. Once you get on them, people would find you. Your girlfriend is connecting with others through FB and you should not be upset. If you had a problem with her talking and connecting with others, you should not have opened up a Facebook account in the first place. So, two things: you must allow her a degree of privacy and do not bother about who or what she writes in FB. Trust that both of you are in a love relationship and can still maintain outside friendships.

Nj


Your future prosperity lies upon your present behavior.
By: Kwame Aduhene-kwarte