When I Become President Of Nigeria

By Prince Charles Dickson

History was made in Chile as 33 miners that spent 68 days 22 hours and 37 minutes were rescued, and that is how a responsive government should be, less talk, less rebranding and more of action for its citizenry. Unfortunately that is one thing that we lack. We are saddled with a bunch of blind leaders and for us citizens we are plagued with having to whisper to deaf people claiming to be making policies.

I am going to become President of Nigeria; it is not a matter of if I win, but a case of when I win. I shall floor Jonathan, beat IBB, defeat Buhari, and dismantle Shekrau, Tofa and Ribadu in just one abracadabra. In one sweep I will finish the Utomis and Gusaus and Sarakis. No matter the slide...I will win.

It will be a free and fair election, Nigerians will hail Jega when I resume at the Villa. Trust me plenty people will go to Jail...not for few months but for life. I will let Nigerians know that whether you are a government thief or armed robber, you are a thief and you will be made a sacrifice for all to see...no plea bargain.

Infact the fear of jail will make you do...the Chinese pill (kill yourself as result of shame). Infact talking of shame, I shall restore shame back to public and national life. That will bring back a sense of accountability and integrity (We wish).

Just so you know now that I am canvassing your votes. There will be no courtesy visits during my tenure. I 'll be too busy working and sustaining the developments that will come with my administration.

Nigerians will not only experience 24/7 electricity but will also enjoy the honour of formal announcements before power outages via radio and sms. I will reduce the current fuel pump price from N65 to N40. And trust me, more NNPC Mega stations will come on board almost at one per local government.

It will become a criminal offence for government officials to go abroad for treatment of boils they acquired from looting government treasuries. Public schools will once more become so attractive that no one will feel the need to attend the Bells, ABTI, Covenant and co Universities.

The word strike will only be operational when dealing with external aggressors. My government will bend MEND by providing quality healthcare, water, access roads and waterway, clear oil spills and ensure a high level of compliance by oil prospecting companies.

Infact, I will ensure that Oil is discovered in the North so that everyone can rest. I will banish quota, federal character and ban the use of public funds for pilgrimage to all lands whether holy or unholy.

I will de-abujalize abuja. States will be strengthened according to the capacity and pace of its people, no more cheating, it will be 'make your money, chop your money'. No more subventions or allocations.

Governors will in partnership with the National Assembly try so hard to impeach me because I will cancel security votes and then make the position of a legislator a part time job. Leaders will learn to live in fear of failure.

I will ensure that every Nigeria irrespective of creed and religion will work hard to find that milk and honey that keeps flowing only for a select few. My administration will cease to bake cake, we will focus on chin-chin and no more wines, rather Zobo and kunu will do.

Will I succeed, hmmmmmm, I can almost hear that whisper in your heart say impossible, because I shall be fighting forces both within and outside. It won't be easy because I'll be touching the very core foundation of a system ridden with rot.

I'll restore Nigeria's pride in sports...our U16 will be boys that are really 14, 15 and 16, not married, shaving stick men with green passports that have false ages. Who said that Nigeria cannot work...I will resuscitate that feel good factor about us. Nigeria will not just be part of the World Cup but will get to the final, boxing, lawn tennis and other sports will breathe again.

I have given it a thought I may as well change the name Nigeria, this is so because it really does not mean much, and holds nothing in meaning for us. We will seek a new name, for the new nation that will metamorphose from the cleansing.

My Nigeria will work, a new Nigeria that will celebrate thanksgiving for a new beginning not waste of resources celebrating failure.

We will be the envy of our neighbours who have lately reduced us to objects of laughter. We will not be the giant of Africa but the heartbeat of the Continent. We will restore pride back to our land.

Children will sing the national anthem again and march past their heroes with pride. Several social vices that bedevil us now will become unproductive. A strong Police that does not require force to function.

Under my administration Nigerians will spend coins again; we will have Nigerians of Ibo extractions, Yoruba ethnic origins and Hausas. Boko Haram will become lazy Haram, because no food for lazy man will be our motto. My administration will learn, borrow and use technology from other lands, not all the current anomaly of Chinese bakery, Lebanese eatery and Indian shops.

In bringing about change 70% of Nigeria that live in ABSOLUTE POVERTY in a population of 150 Million will know that bad roads, hospitals with drugs and schools with no sit, books or teachers does not discriminate whether you are from the North, South, East or West.

I will make sure that the resource curse also known as the paradox of plenty will be cured. There will be no oil wells for sale anymore.

I will win and change will occur because I will pull in the everyday people, who all of a sudden will have nothing to lose and everything to care for.

It is possible that water will run from taps again, that erosion will become a thing of the past, with my administration all these floods, issues of cholera will become confined to the past. My team is on ground, we can do it, you can do it, and I can do it.

Prince Charles Dickson
Editor, burningpot.com
Nigeria's 1st Online Newspaper
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