IF YOUR SPOUSE ADMITS BEING HIV POSITIVE ON WEDDING NIGHT
'May God bless the holy matrimony between you, Dennis and 'Ronke. You will multiply and be fruitful in all ways..,' said the officiating minister and the congregation responded with a loud Amen. It was a great day for 'Ronke, who had been dreaming of this day and praying it comes to reality.
Unfortunately, it became another ball game entirely for both after the wedding reception. Dennis called his wife in a soft voice, but stammering as he looked into her eyes. With tears flowing from his eyes 'come on baby, stop this, I know how you feel.
It's our happiest day,' said Ronke. I have a confession to make. I didn't tell you earlier, because I was afraid I'll lose you to another man. My doctor has confirmed that I have the virus…'
I do not understand…., what virus, asked Ronke whose countenance changed instantly. After Dennis explained to her , 'Ronke, the beautiful new bride collapsed and it took quite an effort to resuscitate her.
What would you do if you were 'Ronke or if your spouse confesses being HIV positive on your wedding night?
The first thing that might likely happen is to cry in disbelief and probably faint. After I might have regained consciousness, no matter the plea, I will report to his parents and family members and ask them what they want me to do at this crucial time before taking my own steps which might not favour him.
A man that could do such is a murderer. Just imagine the pains he would have put me through… everlasting sadness, depression and psychological trauma. I think such a man should be convicted for attempted murder and he deserves whatever verdict the court renders. Many would pretend to say their minds, but the truth is that no one would take that, no matter the initial love, except there was a blood oath binding both parties.
I think I will still keep my vows till death do us apart. The best thing to do is not to worsen his situation because AIDS is not the end of life. I loved him before I married him and nothing can change my love for him.
It is a life journey since we refused to do the necessary things before marriage. Ignorance is no excuse. Whatever happens should be taken in good faith.
If we failed to carry out any HIV test before marriage, I would say it was a silly mistake from us both. But all the same, relationship and courtship is a period of confiding in each other, irrespective of the circumstance. A lady who has hidden such secret from me is dangerous and evil. A doctor might not tell you to divorce her and likewise a pastor would frown at it. They will only advise you to keep praying to God for divine help. So what are we saying in this regard?
Without me saying anything, I believe the lady knows the solution to the problem she had caused.
May God forgive us all sinners, but I don't want to die prematurely.
It will be very sad, disappointing and evil even in God's sight, but it doesn't call for a divorce, except you agree never to re-marry till he dies. But may God help us all to take the right step at the right time and not take the right step at the wrong time.
There are some tests we should not even pray or think of. No matter how spirit-filled you are, if this happens to you, the flesh would want to lead you astray and take you over, thereby putting God's precepts by the side and operating on your own understanding.
It takes God's intervention, but God will not even watch you fall into that situation.
It's a serious issue and ignorance is not an excuse. No one should be blind with love. It's just stupidity, not love. It is love that should ginger both of us to undergo HIV tests. We are no longer in the dark ages when our forefathers suffered in ignorance . But whatever prompts me to marry blindly, I think, should still make me remain in the marriage.
May God not give room to the devil to tempt us . This is a serious issue, especially when it comes to church marriage. God is not happy with divorce, except one agrees to stay single till the spouse dies naturally. That is truly hard to handle and difficult to seek counsel on. You might eventually lose your friends and become an object of ridicule in your neighborhood. Is it the stigma you want to think about or what?
How long shall I continue to endure that?
May God have mercy. If both parties refused to go for HIV tests during courtship, I think it should not warrant divorce, because a stitch in time saves nine.
The truth is bitter, but we cannot please others at our own expense. It's not done anywhere in the world. Save your life before anyone else's.
We will settle it amicably and we have to call it quits, because the relationship was built on deceit. Even the court would justify my reaction and decision, except she wants her parents to know what she was hiding from everyone. In that case , no problem.
First, if we have had fun together before marriage, I would be sorry for myself. But if there was no intercourse between us before marriage and she happens to be a virgin and was confirmed on wedding day, even after her confession, I think I would respect her for that and take it that she contracted the virus perhaps through blood transfusion or un-sterilized needles. But I will still love her for being faithful and forgive her for not telling me the truth ealier.
It simply means she has so much respect and love for me, at least to have kept it secret all the while. That is why it is not good to engage in pre-marital sex, because there are many things surrounding it, beyond what we see. I have no other choice than take her the way she is . Love endures so many things. If I tell her parents, it will not change anything, so life continues. It is for better or worse. May God help us all. It is not easy to manage as we think, considering the psychological effect and your reputation.