Please Invite Us

Source: Anthony Chuka Konwea, PhD, P.E.

Dear Foreign Leader of,
Dear Foreign Governments, and
Dear Fellow UN member countries,
(excluding Ukraine).
Please extend invites for all your functions, to our Maladministration in Abuja. Your generous invites will be honored at the highest levels by the physical presence of our cheerful Misleader. No event is too big or too small for him. Mark you, all expenses will be borne by our Contraption. We are ready to bribe you, to invite us, to visit your country. Our Maladministration has thoroughly messed up our Contraption, with insecurity and hungry faces everywhere. Insecurity abounds, because our Misleader invited bandit-terrorists to force the people to give up their ancestral lands. There is palpable hunger in our land because everyone is afraid to travel to work, for fear of capture by bandit-terrorists. University students have not seen the four walls of school for six months and counting, because our contraption cannot pay their teachers a living wage. Corruption is endemic and rumors of mind-boggling corruption surround us even though our Misleader deceived his brainwashed followers that we are fighting it.

So, our Misleader is eager to get away from the gloomy faces of the citizens, as well as the rotten mess he created with his antediluvian policies, antiquated directives, and self-serving decision-making. Mark you at the going rate of one foreign travel per week, and with eleven months to go, his foreign travel slate has roughly 45 vacancies yet to fill. We are waiting with feverish anticipation to receive your invites, even as we struggle to keep him busy and preoccupied with endless foreign travel, 21-gun salutes, inspection of guards of dishonor, plus other sightseeing escapades, before he bows out gracelessly.

Remember, delegation is not in his dictionary. He must see the world with his own eyes, and enjoy to the fullest, the trappings of power, 45 more times, our last day in office, i.e. May 30, 2023, inclusive. He is not known to be a womanizer, so young girls in your countries are safe from predator-eyes. The same cannot be said for other members of our large entourage however, many of whom have roving eyes, fast fingers, itching loins, and fat wallets. Please keep your young girls at a safe distance from us.

Thanks for your kind consideration of our petition. Rest assured of our Contraption's friendliest wishes for your country.

Signed
Foreign Minister,
The Contraption,
Abuja
Anthony Chuka Konwea, Ph.D., P.E., M.ASCE, MNSE, FNIStructE, MNICE.

Disclaimer: "The views expressed on this site are those of the contributors or columnists, and do not necessarily reflect TheNigerianVoice’s position. TheNigerianVoice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements in the contributions or columns here."