What Is Not Wrong About Sleeping With Another Man’s Wife?

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It is not an exaggeration to advice that in this interactive age of the social media were most people post comments on issues that touch people’s emotional life, and even privacy, that those who know their onions should not join the bandwagon as ethics and decorum have blatantly being thrown to the dogs.

Against the foregoing backdrop, it may not be unfair to literarily compare the social media platform with some fast food restaurants where foods, no matter how poorly cooked, are served in neat packages with catchy labels; an impatient customer may erroneously think that he or she has gotten quality service but little nourishment.

However, some trained Journalists have been extremely meticulous on social media space not to bring their reportorial and editorial skills to bear on social media comments that revolve around people who are emotionally fragile.

It is against the foregoing backdrop that this writer has all this while restrained himself from commenting on social platforms or expressing his views on the sex scandal between Adam Nuru, MD/CEO of FCMB in sex a scandal with his married mistress, Moyo which started trending across news platforms in Nigeria within the last few days.

The reason for exercising restraints on the issue is based on my understanding that reportage on private aspects of a person’s life should ethically be done as it begins with that person’s expectations on his privacy.

For instance, celebrities know a loss of privacy is a cost of fame. The same applies to politicians, businessmen and public servants know that their lofty positions subject their conducts to public scrutiny, and they carry that awareness into many of the decisions they make. That does not mean, however, that either group does not complain at times about what they consider overzealous coverage of their personal lives.

At this juncture, it is expedient to advise my professional colleagues that when considering the disclosure of elements of a person’s private life, they should be mindful of any distress it might cause. However, the high public stake in the lives of public figures tends to result in more aggressive reporting of these people’s personal lives. Many journalists choose not to report on controversial issues that bother on people’s emotion, unless it is such an issue that borders on someone in the public eye as in the case of the MD of FCMB.

It is not an exaggeration to say that the last few days have not been the best of times for the managing director of the bank as over 1,000 people had signed a petition to the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), calling for his sack. This is as a source was quoted by the Cable that “The managing director volunteered to proceed on leave pending the outcome of the investigation of this scandal”. “Although it is a personal matter, the issue has gone really far and many allegations were made.”

Be that as it may, questions are already being asked on what could have influenced such a highly placed personality in the society to have descended to such an abysmal level of sexual indiscretion to the extent that the births of two children resulted from the illicit relationship. However, the truth is yet to emerge on this as it cannot be proved by anyone except it is subjected to a DNA test.

There is no denying the fact that given the tidal wave of office romance, that sizzling romance between a married person and a person who is not his or her spouse has been responsible for marriages that have been crashing in many homes. In disparate industries such as film, academia, restaurants, politics, news organizations and startups, women, and some men, news are finding spaces on media platforms informing people about how extra marital affairs that took their roots in offices are separating husbands and wives. No industry is immune; the damage is widespread and has infiltrated Nigerian culture as a whole.

Against the forgoing backdrop, it is expedient to make reference to Genesis chapter 20 verse 1 to 16 which narrates the story of Abraham emigrating to the southern region of Gerar, whose king is named Abimelech. Abraham states that Sarah, his wife, is really his sister, leading Abimelech to try to take Sarah as a wife; however, God intervened before Abimelech touched Sarah.

In verse 9, Abimelech’s expression of anger over the lie Abraham told him that he unknowingly took his wife from him clearly illustrates the fact that snatching someone else’s wife is a grievous sin before God; not to talk of allowing her to have children from the illicit and amorous relationship. In a most respectful and pious manner, the king expresses strong disapproval with him for bringing him and his people under curse, by withholding from him the information that Sarah was his wife; when, by taking her, he sought only an honorable alliance with his family.

He angrily said, “Deeds unto me that ought not to be done”: The confrontation between Abraham and the king attested to the grievous nature of Abraham’s actions. How humiliating for the prophet of God to be so rebuked by a heathen king!

Ostensibly carrying out seeming ablution to ward off God’s wrath, Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and women servants, and gave them unto Abraham to appease him, and in turn clear his own conscience. In a good measure satisfied with what Abraham was to him, the gifts were ostensibly given to him that he might observe, pray and intercede, for him and his family to be healed. Having understood by divine oracle that he was a prophet, he was faithful that if he prayed for him he would be restored to health as the erroneously committed made him and members of his household fall sick: and these were not given to bribe him or to give his consent that Sarah might continue the love tango with him. To this end, he “Restored him Sarah his wife”: Untouched by him, as he was directed by God to do. Abimelech was doing everything within his power to make this thing right. He did not want the wrath of God to fall upon him.

Given the scandalous nature of this story that revolves around the reputation of Adam Nuru, Moyo and her innocent children, one would have ordinarily not bothered to express this opinion when there are other pressing issues that are of national relevance. However, one cannot as the bank’s managing director is by no means in the position to make contributions to decisions that would no doubt shape the fortunes of both the bank and its workers, and by extension the banking sector of the economy.

As a communicator, what I fathomed out from those that have been opinionating that it was a consensual relationship is, “What is the big deal about having an affair with somebody else’s wife?”, “Did they not give their consent to the relationship?” As if these responses were not offensive enough, those I would in this context call “Facebookers” have been making comments that unarguably negates the tenets of marriage.

To my view, most commentators on the issue, particularly on social media platforms, are attempting to give what the MD has done a moral legitimacy, and had by that passed a wrong message to a generation of adolescents that are grappling with convoluted sexual issues.

In fact, one of the most fundamental principles of ethics, which in this context equally applies in business, is that moral responsibility in the small things of life is the only reliable preparation for larger tasks. Far from being trivial, minor tests of character are the best basis on which to predict future behavior. A line of Jesus’ parable about this principle captures the point: “You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things (Matt. 25:21 NIV).

More worrisome is that the MD is still in service where he is no doubt in charge of assignments that have direct bearings on the financial wellbeing of customers of the bank. Against the foregoing backdrop, he is bound, at all times, to be of good public conduct. Still in the same nexus, it should be noted in this context that a manager that lacks self-discipline and judgement in public conducts will lack it in handling the affairs of both the workers and customers that fall within his managerial purview. It is a matter of character!

To those who say there is nothing wrong for a public official to be secretly sleeping with someone else’s wife and in that bad light be procreating secretly, they should have it at the back of their mind that a manager that is in a leadership positions is expected, at all times, to have enviable reputations.

It is not an exaggeration to say that reputation is defined as the “beliefs or opinions that are generally held about someone or something.” It is further defined as “a widespread belief that someone or something has a particular characteristic”. It can also be defined as the beliefs or opinions that are generally held about a social entity (a group of people or an organization).

A good reputation, no doubt is an asset and it is the most favourable goodwill which any man ought to have. Jesus Christ at a point in his redemptive mission on earth asked his disciples in Matthew 16 verse 13, “Who do people say the son of man is?”

In the light of the foregoing, one is compelled to ask if VIPs do not carry out opinion survey from time to time to ask, “Who do people say I am?” Left to me, the answer to the foregoing question would be “No, they do not”. If they do, there is no denying the fact that they would always be guiding themselves in the quagmire of peccadilloes they always enmesh themselves in. They would have at all times be conscious of their reputations by exhibiting responsible behaviours.

To me, the scandal is detrimental to the development of the banking sector of the economy, and it is capable of projecting the sector in a bad light to international financial experts that ply their trade in various economies. It should not be treated with kid gloves. One is beginning to wonder with the responses of his supporters if they are not toeing the line of the former President of United States of America, Bill Clinton. Recalled that Clinton break seven months of near silence, and admitted that he had an inappropriate and “wrong” relationship with ex-White House intern Monica Lewinsky, but insisted he did nothing illegal.

To my view, no matter how fervently anyone may want to endorse “sexual indiscretion” that involves a bank’s managing director, by advocating that “It-is-nobody’s-business”, the advocacy would not take root. One may not be wrong to say that any leader that enmeshed himself or herself in the labyrinth of sex scandal has literally poured gasoline on a fire that threatens to incinerate millions of gullible youths that are invariably our future leaders. In light of this, can anyone conscionably say “It is nobody’s business?” to the now trending story that questions the private morality of a top banker? To crown the foregoing view, “What is not wrong about sleeping with another man’s wife?

Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of Isaac Asabor and do not necessarily reflect those of The Nigerian Voice. The Nigerian Voice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."

Articles by Isaac Asabor