TheNigerianVoice Online Radio Center

How To Know Stranded Politicians

By ONWUASOANYA FCC JONES
Listen to article

Politics is the most intriguing game after war and the most entertaining after comedy movies. It is in politics, especially, in our own African version of it that someone who is drowning in the ocean of political fireworks and about being consumed by the sharks who own the waters, would be smiling, telling his supporters that he is merely taking a voyage to the undergrounds of the ocean in order to kill the whales, the sharks and all the other keepers of the ocean, yet, when you look at him closely, you won't find even a kitchen knife, or even any substance that can harm the smallest sharks. Amusingly, the so-called supporters would moan on like a nymphomaniac who has got too many fast hands under her pants. They can't even ask questions. They believe everything they are told. For such kind of supporters, their thinking faculties have been put on hold in the name of political loyalty, some of them will even tell you that it is a way of showing their integrity. Listen, politics is not for idiots. If you may, try herding goats.

Politics, especially in a democracy, is painted before the public as a most civil way of taking political power. However, it could be more brutish than war. To effectively play politics, you must be able to stand up when you have to and sit down when you have to. Like in war, you must know when to fire a missile, to which direction you should fire such missile and the exact kind of missile you should fire. A number of Nigerian pretenders at power who pose as politicians are just like blind gamblers who go to a betting shop or betting website, do random selection of games, working with odds fixed by betting companies. Sometimes, their bets click, at other times they don't. Those who are lucky to have their bets click that way may hit it big and begin to see themselves as wizardly bettors, but we know that they are not.

A number of those we regard as successful politicians today are those who did a random gamble without any form of in-depth planning, punditry or analysis, and their games clicked. The more our politics matures, the less relevant such politicians become and the more stranded they get. Forget that they may have garnered a lot of money and political influence within the period they got into power with their random staking. They are still kindergarten politicians. That explains their strandedness, now that our politics has matured a little.

It is actually insulting to place Governor Rochas Okorocha on the same political scale with some people whose only claim to political relevance is that they got one big man in Edo State or the others who are now relevant because Okorocha decided to give them a breather in politics when their very stupid gambles had already wrecked them, politically. There will be a day to tell the story of Okorocha's political journey up to the point he is in now, and I will now leave it to good thinkers to decide on who is more adept at the political game and who is merely trying luck.

Politics is too serious an affair that you must place your chips on the right board before you can get any chance at winning. It is only a very dull and confused politician who would stay in the APC in Imo State and think he has a fighting chance with Rochas. Even in the most advanced democracies in the world, a Chief executive is already about 50% ahead in the contest for his Party's structure even before the first ballot is cast. We are in Nigeria, where politics is a lot more crude. If there are people who have any chance of making some headway in trying to upstage Governor Rochas Okorocha, politically, it is those with other viable political platforms. Those, who at this moment believe that they are coming to the APC to upstage Governor Okorocha and take over the Party are pitiable political neophytes who somehow got a lucky launch in politics after some random gambles.

The politically stranded are those who are even confused about what they want for themselves. You see them in every meeting, even those convened by those who are vying for the same position as themselves. They go to anywhere there is a gathering of their fellow stranded politicians, especially, if such gathering is targeted at releasing some bitterness induced communiques against Owelle Rochas Okorocha. They put their signatures in anything that is anti Rochas even when such things are coming under the banner of different political Parties.

Stranded politicians do not have any other project they are passionate about but to 'deal' with Owelle Rochas Okorocha. They sleep Rochas, they wake up Rochas and they even go to Church worshipping Rochas. Because they do not enjoy any other sermon from the pastor except the one targeted at Rochas. They do not go to Church, except they are sure the pastor is going to say something that is not very good about Rochas.

Stranded politicians are in the waters as regards what they should do to get ahead, politically, but because they are pathetic political neophytes, they can't seem to come up with the right ideas. Some of them have had their time in government, yet they couldn't do anything meaningful for the people. Because Governor Okorocha had raised the standards of governance to top heights, these men who were in top positions for many years, including been in the National Assembly, been governor at sometime and holding top positions in Federal Government, have suddenly realized the need to embark on road rehabilitation, even though, their positions in government do not give them powers to do such.

Stranded politicians are with everybody but with no one in particular. They are the cashcows of media hustlers and so-called political bloggers. In street parlance, they are their mugus. They just want to be in the news at whatever cost. A stranded politician does not know the most basic rules in political marketing, that a politician is supposed to have a media plan. They merely flow with the tide. They respond to everything every time. They do not know that there is a time to respond to everything and a time not to respond to anything.

The politically stranded is the most wasteful of resources. He is like a traveler who does not know the route to his destination. He would burn petrol and waste time traveling the wrong direction for a very long time and end up not getting to his destination, but a traveler who knows his way would burn less time, little money and will get to his destination in the nick of time.

A stranded politician is like an ill-prepared war Commander who does not have his own war strategies. He is lead by the tides, and when he follows the tides, he falls into a deadly trap that will not only consume him, but his troops, too. As someone with keen eyes on politics, I would rather walk alone than follow a stranded politician.