To You Terrorists, Rejoice!

By Dr Anthony Chuka Konwea, PE

A friend of mine once had a huge German Shepherd dog called Alaska. Now Alaska was something to behold. Big like an alpha wolf, furry like a polar bear and majestic like a roaring lion, Alaska had a violent temper to boot. It barked at and ran after any moving object other than its owner and his immediate family. Alaska’s bark could be heard almost a mile away. That Alaska terrorized my friend’s immediate neighborhood was indubitable. No body dared walk beside their fence. Except you were in a moving vehicle, every passerby took the prudent precaution of walking by on the other side of the road.

Naturally because of Alaska, I rarely visited my friend’s place. One day after much cajoling, I decided to pay him a surprise visit. As I approached his gate I braced myself for Alaska’s thunderous bark. I heard nothing. Luckily my friend was lounging on the greens. Sighting me he opened the gate and beckoned on me to step inside with surprise and joy written on his face. “Today must be a great day,” he called out to his wife. “Baby, come and see who is here.”

I refused to be lured in so carelessly. I remained standing by the gate, ready to bolt away at short notice. “Where is Alaska?” I said. “I hope you have chained that monster.” My friend’s answer surprised me. “Don’t mind that stupidbeast. See the idiotlying over there.”

Indeed, I saw Alaska lying on its belly with its chin and jaws laid flat on the ground as if it was sleeping, but its eyes were wide open. I had never seen Alaska in such a tranquil posture. Based on my friend’s insistent prompting, I took one tentative step inside, then another and then another, each time fearing the worst. I almost held on to my friend but for the presence of his wife who was looking at me with barely concealed amusement.

I did not want to look like a wimp before a woman. To conceal my fear and jitteriness, I summoned courage and with a hoarse voice which I could barely recognize as mine asked. “Is Alaska sick?” My friend replied, “it would have been better if the idiot was sick. No, it is not sick. It is just a useless coward. I did not realize that all its previous aggressive behavior was just to hide its cowardice.”

I flinched inwardly as my friend said this. I did not want him to provoke Alaska into a fit of anger and induce him into trying to exhibit his mojo orattempting to reclaim his lost pride by attacking my person. “What have you done to this poor dog,” I said with little conviction.

My friend was beside himself in anger.“Do you know that less than a week ago, armed robbers visited my neighbor’s compound around 2:00 am in the morning? Alaska was barking furiously as usual. Shortly thereafter, the robbers released a volley of shots into the air. Immediately everywhere was dead silent. I thought they had killed Alaska. The robbers continued to rob my neighbors for about 1 hour afterwards. From Alaska, I heard not a sound.”

“Thankfully the robbers left without branching here. In the morning I went outside expecting to see Alaska’s carcass. But the dog was nowhere to be found. It was my son who went to pick up his football beneath my old car that shouted. ‘Daddy see Alaska here.’ When I peeped under, I saw Alaska lying down underneath the knocked engine with its chin and jaws flat on the ground.

Since that day, except when it is eating or shitting, all it does is to lie down just like that. I am fed up with the dog. In fact, just yesterday, one of my neighbors came to condole with me. He said he heard that the robbers killed my dog. I did not know what to tell him. Out of shame, I have decided that one of these days I shall smuggle Alaska out at night and give him away to my younger brother. Afterwards I shall get me a real dog. The embarrassment is too much.”

As my friend said this, two passer-byes, both women, stood right beside his gate, almostgossiping. This was something unthinkable in the past. The women were relaxed with the full confidence that Alaska was no more. As I reflected on their brazen act, which effrontery was impossible just a few weeks earlier, I said to myself that those earlydays were truly Alaska’s finest hour. Alaska’s reign as the terrorist-in-chief of his immediate neighborhood was well and truly over. The days when Alaska would strut and prance like a canine potentate, surveying his captive territory were gone for good.

Today as I contemplate the gruesome acts of ethnic bleaching committed daily on innocent indigenous peasants in Nigeriaby the ‘Moamer Gadaffi trained and armed’ terrorist herdsmen (we have this on the authority of no other than Nigeria’s current President Muhammadu Buhari);as I marvel that these Gadaffi trained and armed terrorist herdsmen operate with impunity in NIgeriaunder the impotent gazeof the Buhari Administration and with the conniving hands of the Nigerian Armed and Security Forces;thoughts of Alaska the dog come rushing to my mind.

AndI say to you terrorist Fulani herdsmen, rejoice!Rejoice indeed.Now is your finest hour. The days are coming and they are almost upon us, when volleys of electoral shots shall be fired. And all of you terrorist herdsmen shallbe knocked off your perch. You shall run and hide under the bellies of the knocked political engines of your expansionist masters.

Anthony Chuka Konwea, Ph.D., P.E., M.ASCE, MNSE, FNIStructE, MNICE.

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