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Better Be A Single Broke Ass Than A Shafted Divorcee

By Farouk Martins Aresa
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Broke Ass Have Rights Too! You worked day and night all your life just to be able to have happy homes, wife and children, only to end up with a failed marriage. Your wealthy status changed if you can hardly support yourself, your new girlfriend, wife or new a family. A court can make it so difficult that by the time you pay for the taste of your ex-wife as if she was still married to you, child support and upkeep of the house you were kicked out of, you are left hanging dry. If you think this can only happen by court order outside of Africa, you better think again.

Shafted Divorcees also have right too! Actually, there are 3 sides to a story: his side, her side and the truth: determined as facts by a court. When we were growing up, a couple returned from London and later got a divorce. When they were studying in London, the husband became a lawyer but he was partially supported by the wife’s money sent by her parents. Whenever they had differences in England, there was an elder lawyer there, from their City that settled it.

Some of her friends had squealed to her parents that instead of studying in school, she got married to her boyfriend and both were raising children as a family. In those days, nobody sent you to school to go and get married. Africans did not meet one another on the street, families marry. You were supposed to come back home as soon as your study is completed unless you want to kill your mother. Most friends and family would start counting the years, as you leave.

If you do not return after four years, people would go to your family and ask why you were not back home. Oh, he has decided to stay back for masters, the parents would say. If it went beyond that, it was either you have become the Mayor of London or got lost abroad. Anyone that saw you in England would be wondering if you want to kill your mother at home. If they found out you were not serious, they would tell your mother to send you a ticket; back home!

Their mediator came back home first and later became a prominent judge. He had retreated from their family affairs as a couple since both had African parents to settle their differences. The wife’s parents were not happy that their daughter did not qualify since she spent her school fees on the husband. As a very successful lawyer in England and later in Lagos, the husband had another girlfriend that led to their separation. In short, they filed for divorce.

Guess who got their case as an Appellate Justice? The elder who settled their differences when one was a student and the other a dropout in England. Both were happy the elder that got their case was a member of the appeal panel; since he was fair in those days in England. The case went on for a while before it got to the Appeal panel of which the elder was a member.

It could have been better for the husband if they had settled out of court or never appealed the lower courts judgment. Most of the witnesses at the lower courts that were students with them in London supported the wife and recounted all the sacrifices she made for the husband to become a very successful lawyer. Usually, by the time cases get to Appeals Court, point of law raised matters more than the facts and credibility determined by the lower courts.

Nevertheless, the Appeal Court judgment was devastating to the husband. He lost so much to the ex-wife and children, he could barely support himself and his new fiancée. If he had to do it all over, he might as well have remained a broke ass than a wealthy married man that went back to being broke again. If this case had been decided in Britain or United States, we could have argued that it would never happen in Africa. Ladies now make fun of a broke ass divorcee.

Indeed, this happened in Africa, not lately but some decades ago. You must have heard stories of what happened to African men that married in Europe and America and how they lost cars and houses to their wives. Some of these, as girlfriends actually told their friends what they were going to do as soon as they gain a solid foothold abroad. There are stories circulating how some of these ladies later sent for their mother, father or siblings only to kick out the husbands.

One father even told a husband on his way to work to take a second look at his house because that would be the last time he would see the inside. Only a bias fellow would take all of these stories truthfully since there are three sides to a story. We hardly hear about nurses that were dumped by their husbands for different tastes or returned to old lovers. But there are enough documented cases of African wives using police and oyinbo’s law to displace their husbands.

Unfortunately, the pressure from work is taken out on their families when both get home. The last thing Africans want at home is stress; in a hostile environment. They need understanding and strong men or women by their side. These are the type of ladies that came out of Africa in those days. They were not that many around, but the few then, were very dedicated to their men. There were some trusted older men around acting as elders, settling differences.

What is clear is that black or African men are only respected in Africa just as white men enjoy privilege in Europe and America, Asian men enjoy privilege in Asia. African, black or mixed race enduring discrimination outside of Africa, are so frustrated, a few have taken a law, they do not believe favor them, into their hands. Husbands have caught wives with boyfriends red handed only for the boyfriends to call police on the husbands: for abusing his wife and assaulting him.

There are many reasons some guys do not want relationships with ladies abroad where they live. They expect a submissive African lady just like Americans going to Europe or Asia; wish for the same. When told by relatives that the girl he came to marry worwor, leftover for naive men abroad, he would ignore them once the girl claimed mischief or that the people were jealous.

These days, the question is: out of all the pretty African students and other ladies with you guys abroad, you could not find one to marry? Oh well, he could be looking for a nurse. They make good money and all the investment in a nurse would pay off. We heard about guys coming back home surveilling nursing schools for the most beautiful girls. Some guys look for girls with good sciences grades in high schools, they can send to nursing school in the United States or Europe.

If many of these guys have to do it all over again, they would remain a broke ass some ladies call them than lose all investment to become a shafted divorcee. But some girls countered that African broke ass men cannot afford them, not to talk of sexy dolls. What they forget is that African men improvise. Before those sex dolls, were inflatable big sized dolls! Lose investments to become broker than ever? Believe it or not, there are ladies still looking for just decent men.