The Broken Woman: Crawling Back To your Exes

By Blossom Obi

I keep recalling how he made me feel, the times we spent together, how he made me smile and why we split. Maybe I overreacted by saying I was done. My pride won’t let me make the call but I didn’t have much pride left so I went crawling back.

Many times we are so emotionally attached to someone that it feels like an addiction. We all have that one person we reach out to; sometimes the situation surrounding that person is not what we are really into, yet we still can’t help ourselves from bonding.

Although we might claim sometimes that this person brings out the worst in us, or in other words we are an open bottle around that person, with mighty flaws lying around in display and we’re still loved and accepted. To us that’s the important aspect of love. So that feeling of acceptance and strong comfortability creates a shield of dependency on the person.

This is because around that person we share our best and worst behaviours, which is not an everyday comeback, because not many persons can say they know us with all our flaws and limits and are still willing to stay and love us through it all.

Packing out from Your Past
This was difficult to do. Moving on! He was my husband and we had three kids together. I had loved him part of me still does, although he was certain he was done with me he never knew why we were married in the first place or at least that was what he said. So this is me moving on

Although this might appear very difficult but it is needed because just like the pain and the hurt are alive inside of you, ‘’ So Are You’’. Your alive and just like the saying goes when there’s life there’s hope, so pick up the pieces, whatever is left of it, raise your head high and tell yourself you’re going to survive this, you’re going to be fine.

The Problem
We’re mentally stuck in the display of yesterday, holding on and longing for changes to happen, we’re maybe in denial or resentment.

It is the past for a reason; it happened then and this is now. It is past and should pass. The moving starts when you realize that all this pain is hindering you from the present joy and relaxation. Accept that it’s the past and there’s a whole world (life) ahead of you. You just have to be the one doing the mental surgery. The pain can’t hold you back, it’s only you. So free yourself, embrace the moment and live in it.

When Am I Ready For The Next?
This can happen when you feel that you’re okay on your own and don’t need a relationship. Also that you feel you’re ready doesn’t mean that you are. When it comes to your love life, your behaviour is the first place to start when asking yourself if you’re ready for a new relationship. This is because your behaviour will reflect how balanced you are.

1) Outings/parties/church/clubs - There’s absolutely nothing wrong in going out to all these places but it is not a prerequisite for places you find someone you hope to get involved with. Just after the introduction, pick a place where you can meet again a different environment.

2) Why it didn’t work - Yes we might be quick to point the blaming fingers, forgetting that it takes two to mess up a relationship. When you’re really ready you can look back on your past relationships and see which behaviours were unhealthy and counter proactive; ones that were mostly hinted on. When you’re done with this listing, you’ll think of your ex you might feel a bit angry but not bitter.

3) You’ve retired from the Drama- not just that you understand why your past relationship didn’t work but also you can safely say that you’re done with all the unhealthy lifestyle a bad relationship can bring, and you’re ready for some serious adult relationship. So when your friends talk about their exploits with different guys, you can breathe and say ‘’Not Anymore’’.

To crawl or not to crawl
So here’s what I think, you need to discover for yourself who this beautiful person is which is you; what you actually want and need in a relationship. You have to do a mental check of all the things you can swallow and how far you’re willing to go with your tolerance limit. Also if you think it’s worth it then girl, go for it but if you can’t deal with it, don’t push it.

Although if you feel there’s no come back from this, give yourself some treats of love by investing in yourself to become a better you.

Blossom Obi writes from Owerri, Imo State. For comments and responses, reach her via [email protected]

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