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Men Share The Frustration Of Super Moms

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Can anyone have it all, men or women? Some brave women have come out against the labels that they are some super humans with great careers, bestcooks in the kitchen, finest maids in the house and some whore in bed. When a mother told her daughter she has to haveall that to be successful. She replied that she would hire a cook, a maidbut take on her career and be the whore in bed! We know mothers know best. You are not supposed to talk back to your mother.

Well, let us face it. Men prowess has been exaggerated over some centuries. Now that women are getting out of the house, the society wants to pile on all the responsibilities of men plus that of the mother on women. Those men that have decided to stay home as househusband have been ridiculed by men and disrespected by women who simply do not see them as real macho men. What is more boring than two women in at home or wife to bring home the dough?

The sight of men going to markets with children tied to their backs or following him get people wondering if he is stingy, abused by his wife or a feminist. Who does not know that children hate the food prepared by their fathers and would rather wait for mommy to get a good meal. In the meantime, they can survive on Indomie noodles, kwulikwuli and candy. There are all kinds of jokes between children and mothers about dads’ last generous efforts to cook.

However, when it comes to getting paid to cook, men are the best chefs. There is something wrong here. Even on the job, some women prefer their boss to be male than female. It points to the fact that cultural values even in this age still linger on very strongly. One of the lessons to be instilled in our children especially boys, is the ability to cook healthy mealsor pay dearly.

Most men hate to share their frustration like super moms. After all, any man that does not live up to his responsibilities are called sissy. It has never made much sense to call a man a woman just because he lacks certain expectations to work himself to death without complaining. A man that dies struggling empathizes the fact that he did everything for his family. It is an accepted way of life. Men that spend nine to eleven months in the mines did everything for their families.

A friend of ours had a professional job in the day and a part-time job at night. In between those hours, he had a shop managed by his wife. The problem was that he had to stock the store with or without the help of the children. The children were sometimes at home and sometimes away in colleges. Whenever they are home, not all of them like stocking or taking care of the heavy stuff. Our friend was also building a new house in the village.

This is what we all called a real man! He hardly complained except once in a while; threatened to cut off financial assistance to the children whenever they refused to help. Apart from his responsibilities to immediate family, he had extended families as well helping whenever he had enough. There are so many men like this but would not have the guts to complain like some of our super moms. We understand when supermoms complained but cannot stand whining men.

Unfortunately, this man had a heart attack and died. Everyone had nice words for him at his funerals. It was a beautiful procession. We wondered if he would have approved all those decorations. Only one or two brothers and sister expressed the fact that he worked himself to death. He never had much time for his friends because he figured that there would be more time to spend with his friends and families, especially when he retired to the cottage house.

Another friend insisted that a girl he met must go to college before they could get married. She told him, no problem. But she was not gonna go to school and work at the same time because she is no African! Oh, oh only Africans were supermoms and super dads?

We have to ask if we are inadvertently pushing supermoms to their graves the way we work some men to death praising them. Usually when we talk about supermom, we are looking at professional women with highflying careers. What we fail to realize or give credit to, are poor women forced into two or three part-time jobs because they hardly make above minimum wage and may have to raise their children alone.

Society looks down on single parent household. While there is enough faults to go around for the break up of families, even households where husbands and wiveswork minimum wage jobs are not better off. If they want to move out of poverty, buy a little house and get their children into good schools; they must get more than one minimum wage jobs. Some of the children are so compassionate, they help in their own little way to sell or deliver papers, peppers or cans.

Poor people spend so much time working, they never have enough time to think about better ways to benefit themselves in life: like take opportunity of dwindling welfare programs, grants or scholarships. The first disadvantage they see is the enormous amount it takes to attend colleges. These are people that cannot make ends meet, not to talk about saving for colleges.

Therefore, when supermoms and super dads complain or revolt; hard working poor people in two or three jobs raising kids are excluded. In most communities, the odds are stacked against them. Indeed, politicians campaign for their votes and exploit their circumstances by promising to make their lives better. The same political class that refused to pay them adequate monthly wages while they pay themselves outrageous salaries; appeal to their emotional weakness.

Since some supermoms have rejected the label, some men may start speaking out too. It is one of those factors that enable women to live longer than men. Men tend to hide their ailment while women are quick to seek help. Placing the burden of supermoms on anyone, men or women is unfair and may lead to exhaustion, nervous breakdown or even sudden death.

Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of Farouk Martins Aresa and do not necessarily reflect those of The Nigerian Voice. The Nigerian Voice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."

Articles by Farouk Martins Aresa