NIGERIAN ELECTIONS: CONSPIRACIES, STORIES, AND THE TALES BY MOONLIGHT

“Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.”― Frederick Douglass

From the assassination of John F Kennedy to the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. From Roswell, New Mexico, to Nasa's moon landings. From the bloodline of Christ to the death of Elvis Presley, or The 9/11 Cover-Up, Area 51 and the Aliens, Paul Is Dead, Illuminati and the New World Order, Holocaust Revisionism, the CIA and AIDS and Drug trade, or how they are the brain behind ISIL, Boko Haram.

How about the Reptilian Elite, or the Moscow Bombings, Iran's Lockerbie connection, Harold Wilson as a spy or Richard Nixon as a traitor? There are conspiracies, tales and stories about the recent missing planes.

In recent times there has been theories on how and what exactly Ebola was|is. Every major event of the last 2,000 years has prompted a conspiracy theory, or story.

Before you get bored, and wonder, what it is about the Nigerian elections and conspiracies–I would share my thoughts in the next few paragraphs.

Few years ago, there was June 12, the battle was between Moshood Abiola and Bashir Tofa, for students of politics, stomach infrastructure actually started in that era, with the “ABIOLA RICE, ABIOLA SALT, ABIOLA SUGAR AND MILK” but nothing stood out like the conspiracy of the holy book.

And I will tell you; the story was that Abiola was responsible for the sinking of several containers full of bible and the ship. Or that many stories of how he sponsored several coups across Africa, and ran deals for the Khaki boys.

No one can say which of these were true, concorted, or outrightly false. However one thing is a testament to fact–Forward to 2015, Nigeria is in an election year and month, and I dare say, an election that would define so many things for its statehood, and the conspiracy theorists are at work.

Did you hear the story of how IBB aka Maradona, helped GEJ in postponing the February love elections–after all there is a connect, when you look at Dasuki, former this and that to IBB and loyalists like Gusau, and the military chiefs.

How about that all the stories of PVCs selling for N10,000.00, my simple question is have you bought or sold one, and off course these are the days of tales of pastors and imams collecting billions.

I watched the Alimosho Local government dude, who was atop a horse, sprinkling blood and taking oath–The part I find really laughable is when he prays his “ancestors” to make EFCC forget and not see or chase him when he steals.

He only reminds me of the governor of one Southeastern state that was captured on Polaroid wearing a 'Hingis' panties at Okinja Shrine–He won the elections for the walls of Kirikiri Maximum Prison.

At the heart of the above tale,  is did Tunde Bakare sign a pre-resignation letter, and has Osinbajo equally signed one.

How about the theory that my people (The northern nation) are about to be “played” another “Yar'adua” by the South and in this case Tinubu?

I was in a supposedly intelligent gathering and while eavesdropping on the discuss, it was about how Patience has no child, and that those kids you see on the First Family Portrait are kids from Diezani's sister.

There are theories as the elections draw ever so close, like in Plateau, PDP candidate GNS Pwajok gave the outgoing governor Jonah Jang his kidney, but really who stole, is it Simon Lalong or Dariye, or no kidney missing, no money missing!

Do you know why Tinubu picked Ambode, instead of Sashore, or are you aware that Obasanjo is upset because of the fact that all his men have been relegated and enemies elevated?

How about that Islamization story thing, that Nigeria needs to get out of the OIC or the one about how Jonathan being a christian and his Christian brother from army chief Ihejerika planned and are carrying out the extermination of Northern Muslims.

Let me not bore us, on the NNPC missing monies, that is one conspiracy, true or false we never may know but it is as old as when Buhari was Petroleum Commissioner and those missing 2.something million dollars, and the PTF years.

How about the stories of how Mr. President, drinks a particular kind of brew and is half drunk–Before someone arrests me, I equally am told on one such occasion, Gen Danjuma retired, came visiting and barged in, on a drunk president. Okay that's not true.

Then it is false too, that Buhari has testicular cancer, Tinubu smokes weed, Amaechi is gay, Atiku is wanted, Sambo is corrupt. Tinubu is controlling, will control Buhari, just as Patience is controlling Jonathan.

Fani-Kayode, Fayose, and Okupe will all need medical attention, while Lai Mohammed, and his crew will be at the left hand side of Yaba.

Professor Wole Soyinka, and Niyi Osundare, myself, you, and Nigerians can lament all we want, but we are moving into a poll where all that may have been discussed are not more than hearsays, rumors, conspiracies and tales by moonlight, at the expense of the real issues.

The politicians have kept us busy, they have equally increased the stakes in political extremism, the issues at the core of governance has been removed from the front burner, and we are left discussing religion, faith, corruption, when the principal discussants are corrupt elites with no faith.

I end with James Morcan, The Ninth Orphan where he states, “Democrats and Republicans were essentially the same party with different faces and that was why, no matter how many promises each leader made, significant change rarely transpired.”

We are all talking at the same time, very little is being said, we are not interrogating the change we want or the transformation we have—except we change, nothing will change, are we ready—Only time will tell

Written by Prince Charles Dickson.