PAY UP IN MY PRACTICE....FOR GOD'S SAKE!

A plate of amala with goat meat may be very refreshing...especially on a hot afternoon....but not enough to make one lose his reason! And so kudos to this friend of mine belonging to some other profession who I once met in a "buka" sometime ago.

I had just wolfed down a sizzling plate of this meal and was about settling my bill when I asked this friend the cost of his meal. My intention was clear....to settle his bill along with mine. But he sternly declined my offer in response! His body language for such refusal was clear. He wouldn't broach any situation that would impair his ability to bill me accordingly if I ever ventured into his chambers in future! That was a lesson for me!

So, if you are my neighbour....or even my relation....intending to transfigure into my patient by visiting my practice, please be armed with your money. For I know no other way to earn a living than medical practice. I also know that if I trod the streets in torn clothes, other people would not even believe in my qualifications. And if I come to your shop, you would expect me to pay. Ditto if I rent your house.....even for medical practice! I know if I die from hunger, you would simply seek out another "nice" doctor!

Do not come empty-handed....for only a crook would use a product or service without ever intending to pay. Do not come there merely to pray that my clinic would prosper....for it would surely collapse if every patient deriving his health therefrom were to merely pray and not pay! Some fraudulent elderly patients offered me prayers over two decades ago that I would find a good wife....but that had no influence on the manner of wife I ended up with. As what matters in choosing a wife is realism....not necessarily prayers....and definitely not sentiment....as I already detailed in an earlier article! Besides, my clinic is not a church....as my signpost clearly signifies!

You know my calling is particularly difficult in matters of monetary compensation for service rendered....especially if my patient is "close" to me. A friend. A relation. A former classmate. A neighbour. A club member. A church member. It is within these ranks that we source our clientelle....so practically all our patients are "cloose"! In fact, patients not so "close" to us ab initio tend to enter the "close" ranks as years roll by. So your being "close" to the doctor should bear little significance in a seller-buyer relationship! So come along with your money. It's much easier than having to refuse you

.....and tidier...
.....in this life-saving job!
And if perchance we find it necessary to refuse you for want of money, allow us to freely walk the streets of the neighbourhood!

Allow us to live our lives...
And before I forget, strive to be consistent in your counsel to me....

Refrain from asking me to apply cold-blooded economics to medical practice by providing succour to only those capable of paying up....if the patient is not your loved one....

.....only to remind me of the Physicians' Oath when your wife is bleeding post-partum....your mother is extruding a procidentia....or your child is convulsing!

Dr Tosin Akindele is a Lagos-based Medical Practitioner, a former Secretary of AGPMPN Ikorodu zone, a former Secretary of the Quackery Committee of AGPMPN Lagos State Branch, founder of Analytical Minds, a good health advocate and public affairs analyst.