Matters Arising. Gender Equality. Ladies Eating Cakes And Having Same?
I try to avoid joining issues on matters of gender equality for they tend to imbibe as much of the dreaded proverbial opium as religion....and opium beclouds reason! While not suggesting or impuning that gender advocates are drunken to stupor, I find it necessary to state the following facts for the records...
I know that a man is a father to daughters....and a woman a mother to sons. As the wife of today is the mother-in-law of tomorrow, the husband of today is the father-in-law of tomorrow.
Every man has a woman as a mother. Every woman has a man as a father.
School authorities never asked me to pay less in fees for my daughter.....and the sheer fact that she would one day drop my name to be at the beck, whim and call of some man often leaves me with a sour tongue!
I had opportunities to watch this all-female TV show where ladies were meant to chat and chatter as they dwell on societal issues ranging from the serious through the light to the sublime.
But may I humbly submit that the host often gets carried away in her voluble comments as bent as they are!
For starters, why should her panel be 100% female?
An absolute preclusion of the male gender from this show (except an occasional invitation entended to some male professionals) deprives men of a veritable source of income!
And generally speaking: If society expects men to pick up bills incurred by spouses and kids, should we not be accorded priority in matters of empowerment? We know some women are earning an income to assist their familes....but that is just the way the society sees it....they are merely "assisting their husbands"! The job of providing for family needs still rests with husbands....so says the society! The same women who desire to be equally empowered like men expect us to pick up family bills and deem us irresponsible if we cannot!
How are male views gotten for balance (lest for scant phone calls that the host terminates if the caller says not what she likes to hear!)? A young lady on the panel is similarly halted each time she tries to bring a balance to bear on the discuss.
And who can blame the latter for she experienced first-hand the callous disposition of a less-than-responsible biological mother who abandoned her and her siblings for her father to raise....a job her daddy performed more competently than many mothers!
The host strangely waived this feat aside as she excused the abscondee on a platter of " divesting herself of any impediments to 'straightening' up her life so she could date other men"!
We must also state that some women are physically stronger than men....so, physical abuse is abhorent notwithstanding the abuser.
My fervent hope is that these gender advocates would not end up as "bad" if not worse than the males they critique if accorded power.
A woman who holds out her body for sale impliedly agrees that she is no better than a piece of merchandise which can be disposed of any time its owner tires of it! It matters not if she is a declared prostitute or a disguised prostitute...
I hereby admonish our women to "dress up the way they would like to be addressed". They must vie with men to pick up bills....pre- and post-nuptial! Equality comes with responsibilities.
My belongings cannot be "ours" while hers just remains hers! If a man achieves financial success, all....incuding his wife would likely partake in the spoils of wealth whereas if this wealth were to be sourced through the wife, the husband would likely be subjected to utmost disdain and ridicule....or shemed out of the union for filmsy reasons! Our statute books talk about "properties of a marriage". All items acquired by the couple singularly or in common during the course of the marriage belong to both parties!
Pre-nuptial issues also highlight the mindsets of women succinctly. Such kids brought in by the husbands would likely be subjected to harrowing experiences by the wife who goes the extra mile to instigate their father against them! However, kids brought in by the wife are most likely to be accepted and loved by the husband just like his own.
One more thing....wives should desist from poisoning the minds of kids against their fathers. Some odd 24 years ago, I accepted a pregnancy as a miserable house officer visibly lacking in means to sustain a family.... No house.... Scant personal effects.... I was not ensnared by "her" beauty, higher education, money, family name, fame, placcid temperament or kindness....as she possessed none! I only saw the need to live up to my responsibility... accepted an unplanned pregnancy...and married her! When my wife was schooling, I nursed my daughter as a toddler....nappies and feaces et al....as I refused to ignore wify's soaked underwear when washing up soiled nappies....as she grappled with ATS.
I shopped for groceries, cooked and warmed meals, sterilized baby cutlery....burning stews as I tried to attend to patients all at once!...my employers accusing me of divided attention as a resident doctor! Then, she moved on to law...soon after the second kid came....as I again grappled with toddler-care and house chores! She habitually invaded my clinic to make a scene and slap nurses around. Even after her call to the bar, she was never there for us...ever restating that I "spoilt her life" by her first pregnancy. So, she enrolled the kids in expensive schools to emasculate me financially....and promised to soil my professional reputation....as she vowed to ruin my life. She later said I had no money...ignoring whatever input she might have had in my penury....
She left....later kidnapped the kids. Despite maintaining contact, I only learnt of my daughter's call to the Nigerian bar on AIT!
What particular evil propels the womenfolk to behave in these particular ways is left to the imagination....
At no time did men summon a national conference to agree on ways and means of holding women down...or demeaning them....
....theirs are simply the logically-expected travails of fellows attempting the impossible....eating "your" cake and having it!
Dr Tosin Akindele is a Lagos-based Medical Practitioner, a former Secretary of AGPMPN Ikorodu zone, a former Secretary of the Quackery Committee of AGPMPN Lagos State Branch, founder of Analytical Minds, a good health advocate and social critic.