LAUTECH POLITICS: Of Zombies, Follow-Follows & Halleluyah Boys.

LAUTECH politics is a true reflection of the Nigeria politics. In Nigeria politics of today, there are the Yes-Men, Zombies and Follow-Follows– those Fela Anikulapo described as people, who march left, right, left, right in obedience to irrational orders without minds of their own- allowing themselves to be led blindly by others; they could sacrifice the masses (students) at the altar of a few greedy individuals.

The Zombies and Follow-Follows have no minds to call a spade by name and know when right is right and wrong is wrong. They follow with eyes closed, ears closed, mouth sealed and with blocked senses, just as Fela Anikulapo sang. In LAUTECH politics, as we have the Yes-men, Zombies and Follow-Follows, so we also have the Smooth talkers, Bootlickers and the Political Halelluyah Boys.

The Political Halelluyah Boys – they're those that God does not matter to as much as their myopic interests; the praise singers- they don't thank God, but channel their praises unto mortals for fulfilling their selfish interests. As the Holy Bible puts it, they are those “whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame” (Philippians 3:19). They are like the biblical 'James and John': those who selfishly desire power and prestige for themselves. They asked for the most prestigious and powerful positions in Jesus' kingdom (Matthew 20), not to help others, but to have their own egos inflated and fulfilled.

“They are greedy dogs which can never have enough; they all look their own way, their gains from their quarters” (Isaiah 56:11). They are those that have purposed in their hearts to defile themselves with the portion of the King's meal and His wine. To them, any government in power that can fulfill their selfish interest is okay, even if such interest is against the interest of the masses. The entire masses could be wiped out by abject poverty, insecurity and other vices for all they care. Their hearts are filled with deceits. Their minds and their consciences are defiled- full of obsequious deception, craftiness and villainy.

They fawning pests and parasites- persons who exploit people's hospitality and earn welcome by flattery. They, with their actions attract attention of the powers that be for their own personal gains; they are those that always prefer to introduce the Public Officials in public functions with their uncalled titles and incongruous honours and end up making the programmes last longer than necessary. Based on personal interests, they would invariably go out of their ways to sing praises to those in the corridors of power as a way of attracting attention to themselves.

They never criticize or correct their lords/superiors/bosses, being careful to be fawning pleasant. For them, it is better to swallow their pride, crash valued opinions, and play the second-fiddle to people in authority than to believe in themselves to make it to the highest level. They will be happy to go this way than to be honest and straightforward enough to speak their minds no matter the cost.

For them putting up a debate on an issue against the powers that be is not in their dictionary simply because they do not want to have written 'finis' to their 'career' when they can just quench their ideas and continue to enjoy 'honey and milk' within the corridors of power. They are enemies of transparency and accountability, the key attributes of good governance; they are threats to democratic process and are more a danger to our society.

They are self-seeking, service flatterers: they'll press around you, praise and flatter you; try to cultivate your friendship, look for your largesse to improve their own positions or that of their departments. Every of your actions and decisions they'll praise, tell you what unbeatable leadership traits you've got/shown/displayed, how smart you are, how wise you are, how brave you are, how sinfully handsome you look; deceive you with lush words that make you feel good. And for the most part, it works. Who doesn't want to bask in the adoration of others?

Their flatteries will confuse you as to making the right and wrong choices; which will make you prone to acting autocratically, because you begin to think all your decisions are wise and fair. Sooner or later, everyone thinks you're a fool and says so behind your back, but they continue to tell you how smart you are to your face. They are dangerous because it's so easy to fall for their lines. They make their victims profess wisdom even when they are robustly foolish.

Just as we have the Political Halleluyah Boys in Nigeria politics, so we have them in LAUTECH politics. Examples of Political Halleluyah Boys are numerous in today's LAUTECH. They are those who during elections canvass for support and votes for only the contestants that belong to their religion brotherhood or faculty/department, without minding their incapability and incompetency. They cast their votes based on sentimental dispose. They shift support based on promises rather than proven integrity, antecedents and most especially character. Anyone that doesn't belong to their socio-political organization is unfit to rule and must be blocked at all cost from emerging at the poll. They are people with get-power-at-all-cost mindset: the Machiavellian-Darwinian mindset.

They that shout: “crucify him, crucify him” to anyone that criticize the government that fulfils their selfish agenda; and says: “Hosanna unto him, Hosanna unto him”, to whoever belong to their corrupt and devious clan. They'll with phony salutes hail you: “My President”, “My Honourable Speaker”, “My Senate President”, “My Honourable SRC”, to curry your favour and your benevolence.

As they are in Aso Rock, State Government Houses, Local Government Secretariats, so we have them in Kudirat Abiola Building, Faculty and Departmental students' associations secretariats; they eat, play games, spend their time there; they dine and wine with the President(s) and other executive officers but fail to tell them the bitter truth when they are astray and negligent of their duties. They're those that prefer to “je DODO” rather than “so ODODO”.

As they are the numerous Special Advisers and Senior Special Assistants that form convoys around the President and the State Governors; they are the friends, appointed and self-appointed Personal Assistants who cruise around inside the Union Bus with the Student Union President. Reason the bus meant for the easy mobility of the union officials in time of struggle most time isn't being released to other members of the cabinet when duty/struggle calls; even when the security of lives and properties of those sworn to protect is at stake.

To them, you're the best, caring and the most active officer ever served in as much as they are exempted from paying their Faculty/Departmental Students' Association Dues; despite not paying, they'll have more than enough souvenirs in their lockers. They are the leaders and members of the socio-political and indigenous organizations who see nothing wrong in a government led by their cronies, as long as they buy them recharge cards, assorted drinks and quell their thirst for dishes their taste buds craves for, every now and then. Their seats are stably placed in Dunamis, Amazing Delicacy and Mama Consumer's lay.

The Halleluyah Boys are so many. They're in the Faculty of Agricultural Sciences, Faculty of Engineering, Faculty of Pure and Applied Sciences, Faculty of Environmental Sciences, Faculty of Basic Medical Sciences and Faculty of Management Sciences; in our Departments, Lecture Halls, Library, Students (indigenous, socio-political, volunteering, paramilitary, e.t.c) Organizations. They are on the streets of Under G, Adenike, Yoaco, Oke-Afin; they are in our Fellowships, Mosques, Hostels, Eateries, Restaurants, Cafeterias, Joints, Cool-Spots, Football Viewing Centres, e.t.c. They are just everywhere in our campus.

You must be very careful in dealing with them- The HALELLUYAH Boys! Beware: they are social pests and parasites; remember they are threats to democratic process and are more a danger to our society. The HALELLUYAH Boys are your friends, my friends, our friends; they are “YOU” and “I”. You're a Political Halelluyah Boy, so I am. YES! YOU & I!! YES!!!

Oluwatomilola Boyinde, TOMINIGERIA, PRO, Union of Campus Journalists (UCJ), & All-Nigeria United Nations Students' and Youth Association (ANUNSA), LAUTECH. [email protected], @TomiNigeria, 08032434218, 2AF2EB9D

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Articles by Oluwatomilola Boyinde