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AN OPEN LETTER TO AFRO CANDY

By KELECHI UDENSI
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Madam,
I am going to make it brief, and the reason is simple: you do not deserve wasting time on. The internet, for the past weeks, has been awash with an embarrassing self-debasement of your own womanhood; something every responsible lady holds dear to; something even ten year old girls recognise should be kept sacred. But I do not blame you. Fame is a good devil, you know.

Just to be known, you have sold your pride for nothing. You have brought disgrace upon your siblings, upon your immediate and extended family, upon your community, upon Imo state, UPON Igboland, upon Nigeria, and even Africa. You have brought disgrace upon women, and children. I am so sorry for your kids. I would not want to be them at the moment. You have forever made them objects of ridicule. Forever, they would be known as those people whose mother invaded an embarrassed nation with her female anatomy.

Everyone wants to be popular. You obviously wanted to be known as a popular actress, but let me quickly reveal to you that you are a horrible actress. Watching you is a torture. The only time I ever saw you on screen, you acted a minor role. Even then, my aged grandmother still noticed you were terrible. Saying you do not have a single acting talent would amount to committing a grave sin of understatement. Even attending an acting school would not remedy it.

I know you have no shame, else you would have noticed that Cossy Orjiakor, of all people, practically rejected your offer of a porn movie. That should tell you how bad it is. I pity you. Like a mad man in the market, only your relatives are ashamed. You say you are in your forties. I think you are arguably older than Ngozi Ezeonu, certainly older than Joyce Kalu, definitely older than Chinyere Wilfred, maybe even older than Patience Ozokwor. Yet they are doing much better, without showing even a little chunk of their breasts.

You have disgraced womanhood, of which my mother is part of. For that reason, I am going to use an insulting word on you; one I have never used on anyone since I started writing. You are an IDIOT.

Enjoy your popularity. It surely would not last.
KELECHI UDENSI