I Want To Surprise Him

Dear Nana Ama,

I am a lady of 26 and I am seeing a married man who is 34. His wife has no idea about our relationship.

We love each other dearly and we’ve been going out for the past three years.

He gives me all that I need but I’ve not given him anything before. I want to surprise him with a gift during his birthday, which is coming soon.

Nana, I want you to advise me.

Kate, Kumasi.

Dear Kate,

If you want to surprise your friends with gifts that they would love, you need to listen to them. Most people let out what they need or want as you interact with them and a friend who is alert will easily pick up such hints.

However, in your case, you may be looking for a gift which will not arouse his wife’s suspicion because you are carrying on the affair supposedly on her blind side.

You did not ask for advice on your relationship with the married man but, girl, you are asking for trouble ... big time! Although you appear to be enjoying the relationship now, it is only a matter of time before you wake up and see what is so obvious to anyone reading your story.

You sound like a nice, caring person and I hope that you won't have your heart broken. But I think you may be headed for emotional disaster.

The line the nice, married man might have thrown and which you appear to have swallowed is very familiar all over the world: A nice, married guy claims that he is unhappy with his wife and assures the single girl that he will soon divorce her.

The girl soon falls madly in love with him and stops seeing single men. The divorce he promised never happens, as he can't leave his wife because he has certain responsibilities, children and commitments.

The single woman often has to spend a lot of her time alone, waiting for him to call. She is later traumatised by the whole affair as she discovers that the married man merely used her to satisfy his lust.

Dating a married man can lead to a lot of problems and it does not make sense for a single woman to do it because it is a game that is often fraught with heartaches and you could be traumatised by it.

Don’t you think you must have your own husband too?