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Help there is a stranger in my bed!

By Kwansema Ridely
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They were in a sleek 2009 Honda Accord; to the uncritical eye, everything seemed rosy and enviable. However, I looked closer and realized that the gentleman was as stiff as a log whiles the lady who was beautiful by all standards had her eyes glued to the right and looked intently at anything that passed by on the outside. It was only a matter of minutes before I was able to tell that these two young people were married (the man had a ring on his finger whiles the woman showed hers off when she answered a phone call). As I patiently moved on their side in the heavy Monday morning traffic, I could only imagine what had transpired at home.

How can two enemies get married? Who dropped those two in the same vehicle? I kept on asking several questions to the point where, I was awakened by a loud honk from the vehicle behind me who was protesting that I had not moved some few inches ahead in the unbearable traffic. As I got to the office, Jane my colleague kept whining about her husband's inability to meet her expectations in several ways. Adoley the ever cheerful receptionist was in a rather foul mood for a Monday morning; when I enquired, I was let in on her little secrete. When Adoley makes peace at home, Adoley is extra cheerful! The compounding effects of these incidences left me in a state of reflection. Why do people seem to marry those they are not in tune with?

I could not sleep that night without digesting everything that went on during the day. Eventually sleep became the victor; I dozed off without any resistance. As I was turning to grab the extra pillow, my hand hit something (or should I say someone); for a moment, I thought I was mistaken, so with sleepy eyes I attempted to grab my pillow again. I screamed! Help, Help, there is a stranger in my bed! Help! “AJ what is your problem?” was the reply. It was only when I heard the voice that I realized that it was Kobby my Husband. But I thought he was on a day's training at Sogakoƒe? As I turned to Kobby, I stared at him with a look that exposed my fear. Do I really know him? Are we going to tow the line many couples have towed?

The way Kobby handled my stern look by making a joke out of it and cheering me up instantly brought me to the realization that our circumstances are different from that of the many couples I had seen. Thank God for Myers-Briggs Type Indicator MBTI® in our marriage. Kobby knows my short comings so much that he seems to always complement me whiles I am at my best at managing his slips. We were encouraged by our marriage counselor to take the MBTI® assessment as part of preparations before tying the knot. Although we seemed hesitant before, we showed up in the office of PMI First Consults in North Labone, Accra. Findings revealed that Kobby was a 'Feeler' who is subjective and lends his heart out more to others while I on the other hand was an objective 'Thinker' who thrives on objective analysis and not emotions. This among other revelations enlightened us to the fact that we have opposite personality types and needed to work at a successful married life. I must confess that every day has been a blessing because we have applied the invaluable knowledge gained.

If only married couples took advantage of this simple but reliable assessment tool, they would be saving themselves of all the heartache and pain that results from incompatibility in marriage. Many marriages fail because couples feel like strangers after the allure of a honeymoon evaporates! But this should not be so. Whether you are married or about to, take the first step today and you would be glad you did. Knowing each other's personality type has a trickling effect on your children.

Credit: Kwansema Ridely; Accra