The Case of Pa Olisa, BEATing FM and Citizen Adewunmi
What are you doing?”
'Practicing my jabs. This injustice cannot stand. I will not be alive and a fellow human being will be pummeled like that and I will siddon look and do nothing. No way.'
'So you are now a human rights activist? Never thought the day would come…'
'A man must answer his true calling. It behoves all of us to be our brothers' keepers…Adewunmi is my brother and I will be his keeper in this case! Olisa has a date to keep with fate today.'
'But it's funny, isn't it? How can Olisa beat anyone like that? Have you seen Olisa Before?'
'What do you mean?'
'Come on! Olisa is 59 years old. Or maybe 61. He's massive. He can't beat anybody. He can barely lift his arms.'
'So what happened to Adewunmi's face? He just woke up to discover mini mountains had sprouted on his face overnight, abi?'
'No. Here's what happened: Olisa came back from an event at about 2am and found Adewunmi asleep on the couch while he should have been keeping vigil for news like the resurrection of Osama bin Laden so he could edit for immediate broadcast because the 50 people who would be awake in Lagos need their news hot and fresh. In a bid to know why Adewunmi would commit such a heinous crime like sleeping on duty, Olisa's hands, without Olisa's consent, had a rapid dialogue with Adewunmi's face. Adewunmi, in true BEATing FM fashion, stood at attention and did nothing.'
'What? What do you mean'…in true BEATing FM fashion'? Are you saying that…'
'Yes. Have you seen the Beating FM Employees' Code of Conduct?'
'They have a Code of Conduct?'
'Of course! They prepared for days like this. Section 2, Part 2 says: “In the expected event of a senior colleague (especially if the said senior colleague is the Director of Programmes, Pa Olisa) pummeling a junior colleague, the junior colleague, if he/she likes his/her job, is advised to stand at attention, hands by the side and head raised, and receive the pummeling with grace. If the pummeling be merely verbal, junior colleague shall receive with same grace but with head bowed.'
'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Are you serious?!'
'What's there not to be serious about? Besides, let's be fair to Olisa: If a man so advanced in years and that massive takes the pains to raise his hands, we should be fair and let the blows land. It's the human thing to do.'
'So this is why Beating Fm can only suspend him?'
'Have they not tried? At least they have suspended him. What more do you want from them? You want them to sack him just because he used stone to redesign a colleague's face? I have told to you it was involuntary action. Besides, who would they replace him with? You want to condemn Beating FM listeners to Wrecks, Tools and Gbewon, abi? Come on, be serious; they need Pa Olisa to balance things. They can't sack him. Case closed.'
'Case open jor! And why are all those celebrities who usually form activists on twitter not saying anything? Ehn, why? Is there also a Celeb Code of Conduct given out by Beating FM before they interview you or play your songs?'
'Are you trying to call out people like Banky W, Sound Sultan, Lami, eLDee and M.I? What would their activism achieve in this instance? Besides, the celebs know where their bread is buttered. You want them to face hostility from Beating FM and Uncle Olisa over an issue that does not directly concern them? Please be fair.'
'Okay, what about Wrecks, Tools and Gbewon and the others at Beating FM? Was it just subs they could tweet? Are there no labour laws in this country?!'
'What about them?'
'Can't they speak up for their colleague? Can't they protest, go on strike or something? Can't they refuse to work with someone who can commit such a monstrous atrocity? There must be someone somewhere who can do something?'
'God. All others have agendas to protect.'
'God is his only hope. He should pray fervently to God, preferably at a crossroads at midnight, naked and holding a calabash filled with condiments for a sumptuous sacrifice. He should invite lighting and senility into Pa Olisa's life, through Sango and Ogun. He should plead that Olisa will once again abuse the girlfriend of someone like Jim Iyke and be dished a bigger beating this time. He should cry to God to fight for him for therein lies the only possibility for justice. This is Nigeria; people like Olisa can do and undo when mere mortals like Adewunmi are on the receiving end.'
'That is it…I am leaving!'
'Where are you going to?'
'Any where! Anywhere but here! Anywhere but this hell-hole we call a country where oppression from every possible angle and a few impossible ones is the order of the day!'
'Na today? Pseeeww. Godspeed jor.'