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I HAVE JUST BEEN APPOINTED ELECTION TRIBUNAL JUDGE

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Akin – My dream just come true o!
Bimbo – Na wetin happen?
Akin – The thin wey just come my life, eh? Mouth nor fit talk am.

Bimbo – Na wetin now, make you talk jare.
Akin – You remember say I dey pray to God everday say: one day go be one day. Man must become billionaire. Abi no be so I talk am?

Bimbo – Na true, I nor go lie. But I think say nay yeye talk be that. All the time wey you be judge I nor see the money wey you bring come home nao. Abi na Chinwe dey take am from you.

Akin – I beg nor talk that kin thin. Chinwe na respectable colleague of mine wey nor dey mess around o.

Bimbo – O.k o. That is why you dey mention her for your sleep.

Akin – Which kin thin you dey talk. Man say God don hear him prayer, say them don appoint am election tribunal judge and you dey talk about Chinwe. Na Chinwe we go chop?

Bimbo – You dey eat am too? I beg, make you no fex sa. My fear be say na Chiwe go enjoy all.

Akin – Na proper craze, na him dey catch you. You hia abi you nor hia. The day way I see you with Abdu, I talk?

Bimbo – Abdu na medicine man O. Him come sell us agumu dada ni.

Akin – He nor ask you if kosobo dido le?
Bimbo - Me, me me and that malam? Craze wey catch you no be small O. I beg make you get your head examine well well.

Akin – Abdu get medicine for that too?
Bimbo – I beg talk how we go spend our billion jo.
Akin – You know say this judge job na wahala. Na soso wahala I get because I be fair judge and I nor dey take bribe from anybody. But as thins be, it be like say na only me nor dey go overseas for small vacation. Even housu, I nor get there for common London nor to talk say America.

Bimbo – Where and how you think say your colleague dey get all those things now?

Akin – If them tell you say I steal million naira or person take million naira bribe me. Na lie o. But for this election tribunal eh? Them go know say no be craze I craze, na poor I poor.

Bimbo – If say we get money now, I for go look the kin house we want for London or America self. A whole judge like you. Your children dey go Jakande school. You nor dey shame self.

Akin – Na potential billionaire, na him you dey talk to like that?

Bimbo – Na joke na. Ah a! You nor dey take joke again? Abi na so billionaires dey behave?

Akin – Commot jo. Make I go visit mama. He don tey wey I see am.

Mama – Congratulations my son. I don see your name for paper. Me and your papa dey celebrate since. All the neighbors don come hia to celebrate with us. God don hia our prayer o.

Akin – Mama weythin una dey celebrate na, no be wahala work?

Mama – Make I warn you well well, I nor born craze pinkin. No be you be the only judge for this Niger. But na only you be the poor one wey I know. Na soso broke nahim dey you broke. Church self, armed robbers dey carry money commot. Weythin do you?

Neighbor – Akin, Akin de judge. God don butter our bread o. Money don come. How you do am? Na who you know?

Akin – I beg your padin!
Neighbor – He don start with big grammar o. Na soso grammar na him he dey blow. All him colleagues get children and housu for Britain and America. Those wey nor go abroad, get children for international school. Na Jakande school him pinkin dey O!

Akin – Na how much be dem pay wey them fit send children go international school for Niger not to talk about Britain?

Neighbor – Mama, na craze don catch am. Me nor know who put craze for gari giv'am. He be like say na that stupid Bimbo.

Mama – No be Bimbo, na Chiwe dey do am.
Akin – Who be Chiwe?
Papa – My son, my son. Just be careful. I never stole a penny in my life, never stole a thousand, never stole a million but a billion naira na good money o!

Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of Farouk Martins Aresa and do not necessarily reflect those of The Nigerian Voice. The Nigerian Voice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."

Articles by Farouk Martins Aresa