WOULD YOU TAKE BACK A HUSBAND THAT ABANDONED YOU?

It is said that in marriage, women are always at the receiving end. But education, civilisation and western culture, which have completely changed the equation and in the process emboldened women to take steps, which hitherto were considered taboos.

For instance, in time past, men could leave their wives for as long as they wanted and whenever they came back, their wives would still warmly receive them. In that long gone era, it was considered a taboo for a woman to be abandoned by her husband. Besides, a woman was respected because she was living with a man, who was her husband.

Today, all that has changed. Women could comfortably live on their own, without their husbands and not care a hoot. Women now have the boldness to reject their 'prodigal' husbands, preferring to remain as single mothers.

In the wake of last week's Sunday Sun report about Funmi Idowu, whose husband travelled to the United States on special assignment for his paper, but decided to stay back there, abandoning his wife and their two children here in Nigeria, and even proceeded to remarry after divorcing her, without her consent, we asked some women if they would welcome back their husbands who had abandoned them for ten years or more and got very interesting responses.

Excerpts…
TOCHI - I'll take him back only if I have a male child for him

If I have remarried by the time he came, there is nothing I can do because I cannot divorce my new husband. However, if I have not remarried and his people were taking care of me while he was on love journey, I may consider him. And that is also if I have had a male child for him. But if I have not had any male child for him, even though his people took care of me while he was away, I will not take him back as my husband.

I am not saying that I won't forgive him. I will forgive him but I won't take him back as my husband any longer depending on the situation like I have earlier said.

But you should also know that even if I decide to take him back, he would have to meet with my people and apologise to them for the pains and insult he brought to them. Then, we will face the medical aspect of the possible unhealthy baggage he brought back from his love journey. It is only when he has been certified 'clean' that he can come close, if you know what I mean.

LILIAN - He could be under a spell, so I will take him back

Well, I know it will be very difficult the first time he would come for such reconciliation, but when you consider that you have children for him and you wouldn't want to have children for different men, you will accept him back.

But, this is more so when you know that he has shown sincere remorse for his actions.

I will take back for the simple fact that in the first instance, he may not have abandoned my children and I in his normal sense. He could have been under spell. Yes, it is possible that another woman who may have been secretly admiring him could have gone to the extreme, in the African way to cast a spell on him. I think it is only a stupid woman that would stubborn refuse to forgive such a wayward but repentant husband. You see, you don't just want to lose what you have worked for all your life to another woman, who was not there when you were struggling with your husband to build the very material success that attracted her.

I need to establish the reason behind his action but I always know that such men don't do such things with clears eyes. So, I will take him back and we will renew our love for each other and carry on with life.

EAZY LIZY - It depends on whether I am still single

If I were already married when he came back, I would not give him a listening ear at all because he had his chance, but lost it for life. But if I am still single, he has to go extra miles to prove to me that he has really come back with a sincere heart. He has to involve my family, his family and friends.

Afterwards, I would forgive him and take him back considering the fact that he must have a good reason to come back after so many years. I strongly believe that after he had gone through the rigours of several consultations, he would try his best to ensure that we remain solid like never before and I would be better for it. So, I will forgive him and give him another chance. After all, God forgives us our sins, so who am I not to forgive my fellow human being? If not for any other thing, at least for the sake of our children, which I see as a life bond, I will forget about the past and together we will forge ahead.