I NEED A LOT OF LOVE----- STELLA DAMASUS ABODERIN
Stella Damasus Aboderin, musician, actress and widowed mother of two has announced a come back to entertainment after taking a break following the death of her husband Jaiye Aboderin. Aboderin who is also running a fashion house and a wedding planner outfit describes herself as a total theatre artist. She sings, dances, designs and creates. Speaking with Rachel Ogbu, reporter/researcher, Aboderin opens up for the first time about how she feels being a widow, press reactions to her life style and her new man. Excerpts:
We know it has been hard for you since your husband, Jaiye left you and the kids but have you opened up your life to let someone else in?
Aboderin: I have friends that make me happy.
Obviously, but we are talking about that special someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with. You know there have been a lot of speculations?
Aboderin: (Sarcastic laughter) Na me know who my relationship partner be. Nobody can tell me who he is but I have a friend who is very special to me. I am not getting married, I don't know what they are writing about or anything like that, and I am just living a good life. I have somebody who likes me, I like him and that is the most important thing. We make each other happy.
Do you have special moments you share with this person at romantic spots; the relationship seems to be very secretive?
Aboderin: Romantic? I don't know about that for now, I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my life.
We will be glad if you can be more specific about this person because everyone who likes you out there wants to know the truth about what is going on in your life and how you are coping?
Aboderin: Well, as I have always said, that would come when God says it's time. Everybody needs love, every woman needs it, and I need it. I am not super human or a robot, I am human, I need a lot of love but right now the friend that I have is really showing me a lot of affection. I won't talk about romance because I am not sure about what the concept is about romance but I know that I have a good friendship with someone who is very nice to me and very nice to my children. And that is the best I can say for now. This is why I don't want to say something I am not sure of yet, I am just trying to pick up my life, I am trying to know people, I am trying to know and understand him, that is if we are right for each other but I mean I can't tell you that oh I have a relationship, I have a boyfriend.
So how long should we wait before we get invited to a wedding?
Aboderin: No, not soon because that is not my priority. I am not ready now.
What are your priorities?
Aboderin: My priority is actually knowing and finding myself again. You know, I was married for a long time, I had children, I was a family woman but now I am a single parent. I have to actually stabilise my life as a single parent, that is what I mean by trying to find myself again, now as a person as supposed to being a married woman, I am Stella Damasus now. I have to take care of my children the best way I can.
How are the children doing?
Aboderin: Oh! They are great, they are fantastic.
How old are they again?
They are going to be eight and five this year. For me the most important thing is to work hard, take care of my children, make them happy and then find happiness.
Would we see you more often now on the screens, you have been away for quite a long time?
Aboderin: Yes, the ban is over; I am going to start working again. I took time off because I had other business I was working on, so I am just trying to make sure that the other things I was doing are stabilized and can run on their own.
How about your music career?
Aboderin: Well, I am still working on that, I don't want to rush it because I have been singing for about ten years, so I don't want to come out now and do something that is not nice. So I am taking my time working with different producers to come up with something good.
You were known first as a musician before you became popular as an actress and one would have thought by now you should be way up the charts in your music career, Why the switch?
Aboderin: Yes, I would have more than this because my husband and I had actually started doing an album; we even got a CORA nomination for one of our songs. We were about to finish it when he died and when that happened, I just had to take time off to actually know what I wanted to do first before going back to that.
So what is your reaction to the stories the press has been oozing out on the tabloids about your life after Jaiye?
Aboderin: Of course, there are two sides to it. First of all, they are doing their job but then again, there are some people that don't actually do investigative journalism. There are others that don't understand that there are some things that are derogatory. This is not America where anything goes, this is Africa where people have families, where people have people that are hurt by some things and I just wish that some press men will actually wait to find out what is going on. Because a lot of them just write based on what they have heard from sources that are not always reliable.
But have you ever countered any report against you, especially the ones that were outright insulting?
Aboderin: I can when you are given a chance to be spoken to like, you are giving me the chance to speak now but when you just wake up in the morning and find something written about you because some one else has gone to give them a story, then there is nothing you can do about it. And then how many of such stories do you want to go back and raise dust. It's not everybody that you can raise such issues with. So sometimes, it's just better to live your life and just move on, people that are more important to your life know the truth about what is going on.
Do you feel comfortable always talking about Jaiye, I mean it's been two years now and people always bring it up.
Aboderin: I love Jaiye, he is always in my heart and I don't have any regrets talking about him because I always say positive things about him. He was the best man I had ever known and before now I used to feel very hurt and sad when they mention his name but now, instead of crying all the time, I decided to start celebrating him because he is worth celebrating.
What plans are you working on in the effort to immortalise him?
Aboderin: There are so many things that I am doing right now and there are so many people that are working in collaboration with me, I really don't want to talk about it until it starts to happen. Then people will see what it is that I have done. Because by the time I start to say it, they will now try to decide how it should be done or when it should be done but it has to be at my pace because I was the one who was married to the man and I know what he was about and what he likes. So I will rather do it like that.
You have been very strong for widows out there and they look up to you as a woman that has been able to keep things together despite the tragedies. Where does your strength come from?
Aboderin: God. I just pray to God to give me strength and wisdom and that is what he has done.
Who is the new Stella now, after all the phases in life you have gone through?
Aboderin: Stella is stronger, more mature, more dedicated, more business minded and more focused. I will continue to do my best no matter what.