I have to catch some sleep, but I don't know how. Seems like I suddenly forgot how to sleep, I twist and turn in pain from the things I've seen. The mutilated lives, ripped with blunt brutality. Their very blood dripped out on the grounds; their voices wail every day, like ghosts on the streets, living; yet dead and hopeless. I wonder when all this is going to end. The greed I see around is incurable, seemingly incurable. Everyday, there are new ways to loot, call it invention, yes; I only wish our inventiveness will find its place in better useful area, beyond self-satisfaction to building a better nation.
Yes… I want a shot of Valium; so I could sleep. My thoughts continually race across the lines to the deep cries of pain within the hearts of the people. You may say I have what I need, so I should be comforted; but comfort surrounded by pain is a slow path to death. You can only hide behind your riches for a while, but the air of the horror outside soon creeps into your house.
Mankind, Nigerians, living as enemies, hating and being hated; Sacrifice is seen as cowardice, love perceived as weakness, honesty as foolishness, humility as stupidity. What is our destination? Where do we want to end up, as a people, as a nation, as humans living on this one planet? Will we gain if everyone outside our own fence died of hunger? Will we love to put the sword to every throat and end the life of everyone that bears a different name? We care only for our own household, our own children… sometimes we don't; the wickedness and greed have eaten up every sense of reason, every sense of responsibility. Many young people have been abandoned by their fathers, who have strayed away with young and beautiful heartless women. Many mothers have been pulled away from their natural hearts of compassion to wild minds; confused and wanting; constantly tempted by promises made by ruthless men, who have in turn left their own homes to lust in the arms of a stranger.
Untold wickedness; it's funny; we've had democracy for the length of time that a child born then will be in secondary school; but that child's life has probably been in continual pain and expectation; always having to confront the reality of not having enough or even the basics; constantly taunted by the children of undisciplined, rich parents; parents who have sold their responsibility and morality for gold. Maybe it's worth the exchange, but hey! See what your kids have become; see what society has degraded to become.
I think I really need that Valium now, staying awake and punching these painful lines is going to get the best of me. I wonder what will happen to our children. What will the next generation become? Is there anything good left for them to learn? What do the teachers teach? Will students still pass their exams without intervention? Will there be any useful knowledge left for the next generation to develop this country by? Will our children have any compassion on this nation or will this cycle of 'chop and chop' persist? Why should it end? After all; there has been no punishment for those who have led this country to this dark pit. They walk proud and envied; loved by many, loved by the young. Their money used to buy the minds of the many; now they desire that which they have not labored for. What a mess!
It's hard to imagine the level of deception and power-lust within our government. Round after round of unimaginable afflictions poured out on the people like vials from hells darkest parts. No compassion for the children, the mother, the father.
Who can I call tonight for just a few pills? But, maybe I need to write this out for the benefit of many; to question the wicked and comfort the pained. You're not alone, I feel you right here, with every beat of my heart.
It's like we haven't moved an inch, like the world has left us behind. We were once the giants of Africa, but now it's a title we even mock at ourselves. We've achieved a lot, except that it's all about fame for being a country filled with evil men and women, a country ruled by thieves and murderers. A country where gifts die and talents are thrashed in the mud. Like our eyes are blindfolded from seeing what we're missing by leaving ourselves to drop into the darkness, deeper and deeper. It's so bad, that the Western world now perceive us as a bad smell, pungent, nauseating and totally dangerous. Our air is as poison and when we appear on a scene, it calls for caution. It's an omen, a disaster.
This appears like poetry, but within the lines I speak truth. Sit back to think of where we are as we approach October 1, another year; 50 years; yet we still have untold poverty in almost every corner of the nation, a country supposed to be great. We still have slums beside expensive estates; the poor still seek to survive amidst the plenty of the rich within yards of him. It's a sore to the heart.
Sometimes I wish I had a magical blink, something that just takes it all away. Something to sanitise our decayed minds; but we're all men; and I'm just a man who needs some sleep tonight. Well, who cares if I sleep or wake, who cares if I live or die? See how they left us stranded. I wonder how people rise to face every day with little or no hope; I wonder how they manage to stand every morning, jump on that crowded bus and bear the horror for many years? But it inspires me, the resilience, the hope, the need to survive, it's there and it's precious. My only hope is for this survival instinct to become the fuel for a move for change; when everyone will join their hurting hearts and make the heat a fuel for the fire that will burn away the many evil things that droop over us.
Aha, I do remember, yes! Valium, one left in my jacket pocket, it's 3.42 am, still some time to get a night's rest, sleep; some hours of comfort, cut away for a moment from these thoughts… though sometimes they still plague you as nightmares, but it's easier to bear than this constant stabbing; Valium; Yes.