I’m indifferent to gossip –Bakky Adeoye
With a theatre arts degree from Obafemi Awolowo University , it was a foregone conclusion that Bakky Adeoye would make a bee line to Nollywood. Art is his life and he has become a notable Nollywood producer and director.
Little wonder then that he met his lovely jewel, Ireti Osayemi, in the movie industry. In this interview, he speaks about the sustaining power of his marriage.
What is it like being the husband of a Nollywood actress
I think the first thing anybody that wants to marry should sit back and ask himself if he will be able to study, understand and completely accept the person you want to marry.
Working in Nollywood as a “star” is like working anywhere as a teacher, a banker, a journalist or as a market woman because as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't change anything about you. That you are a star does not mean you should keep unhealthy company. My wife is responsible, men could call her, she doesn't have a secret. Because I know my wife, I don't have issues with that, there are no challenges about that and there is no going extra mile because she lives a normal life and she is just like a normal woman to me.
What are the advantages of being the husband of star?
I don't know because we live our normal life. Of course, I recognize that if a person is engaged in particular kind of job, the person may be at a disadvantage. I usually tell my wife that her being a Nollywood star basically evokes three things from people, whether they are outside the Industry or within it: anger, joy or indifference. Some people will see the star and be happy and like her; sometimes being a star opens doors for you.
Meanwhile, some envious people would just dismiss the successful Nollywood actress as a prostitute, saying all kinds of stupid things about them. Some would even call the actress a husband snatcher. I have become indifferent to the all the rubbish said about Nollywood actresses. My wife is good, successful actress and I bother myself about the trash people say about her. Now coming back to your question, oftentimes I am recognized as the husband of Ireti Osayemi. Doors have opened for me because of such recognition. It feels good, it is just nice, and this is normal.
On the other hand, what are the disadvantages?
I'm yet to have any disadvantage or any regret about that; before we got married, we had been working together on locations. In fact, we were living together before we eventually got married. Sometimes if I miss my wife so much, I will go and meet her at the location and then come back home; and if she misses me so much she will come and meet me at the location.
Anyway, let me repeat that if you want to marry somebody who is in a particular vocation, you should know the challenges people in that vocation face. Being psychologically prepared that way, when you are married there won't be problem coping with the challenges of the person's job. So, for me, it is normal. For instance, if I am invited to work on a project and I have to go on location for about a week, I just go, so long as the money is coming in for the family, I have no problem.
Have you ever followed her into the labour room?
Yes! Actually during the delivery of our last baby, I was in the labour room with her but the delivery took long. We were in the labour room for three days. I was there. Funny enough, soon as I just left, the hospital called me back that the baby was coming. I ran back and she delivered while I was there. I just entered as the baby was coming out and that was our last child.
Let me tell you two major things: I always believe that our God is good; I'm a Christian and I have unblemished trust in God that he will always be there for us, though sometimes, you might face challenges. While we were in the labour room for three days I'm sure that I felt more pain than she did and funny enough the day she gave birth was my birthday.
I was supposed to be in Abeokuta for City People Award on 14th June. So, I couldn't celebrate my birthday and we were both in the labour room. I didn't even remember it was my birthday. She gave birth to the baby later in the evening and I was quite happy that my only girl came on my birthday and about the same time I was born and it was fun.
What special gift did you give her?
(Laughs). In my family, everyday is like Christmas. I give her gifts everyday.
Don't you get scared of the 'sleeping-with-this or that person' stories that swirl around Nollywood, and that this marriage could collapse one day?
I don't get scared. I won't deceive you I hear stories about people in Nollywood sleeping around. What you hear is that Mr. A is sleeping with Mrs. B. I mean, this thing is usually done in a room without a third party. So how will know which is true? Except the story is confirmed by the people I don't bother about such tales. Then again, there is really no need for you to be scared if you know your spouse.
My simple mantra is this: you know your wife, you know your husband. A man should be able to know what his wife can do. I know my wife. I'm very sure that if you chat with my wife, she will tell you some things I can never do. I know my wife will not for any reason in the world sleep with a marketer or another actor. I believe she is satisfied with her marriage, so she has no need looking for what is not lost. In short, I am not scared.
Though sometimes when certain artists who are also involved in the industry or are married in the industry are talking about what happened in there home, what they experienced, what I do in most cases is to advise them, suggest solutions. It is not as if I have done certain things to make sure she doesn't do what some of these girls are doing. I think there is a lot of understanding going on between us and there is really no need to fear that this marriage could break down. Anyway, we are still human beings, but basically I have no fear.
How do you know that you have given her everything?
When somebody is satisfied, it not about being given everything; it is about the person being contented with what is given. I know she doesn't have everything; neither do I have everything. But we are contented with what we have; even in my home if we don't have N10 and you see us, the way we will be bubbling you would think we have millions in our account. Then again, it is not about money, it is not about gift, it is about what is between you two. It is not about giving her everything, it is about being contented with whatever, no matter how little or how much you have. I would say emphatically that my wife is contented with what we have.