Who is Nigeria's Father?

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In a country where good news is scarce and bad news is commonplace, a nation where the political class and elite are the harbinger of all sorts of rascality, epitome of crass misgovernance. We were anxiously waiting for the next drama to occupy public space. Happily yet unfortunately the Paternity scandal, and it’s ante-dent DNA drama sprung up. And the bastion of democracy USA also brought along with Trumpism, a once in a lifetime epic.

For Moyo, Tunde Thomas and Nuhu Adam, FCMB and their friends, these were not interesting times. For the purpose of my admonition let me refresh our memories.

There was an allegation that his Moyo told late Tunde Thomas her two children were fathered by First City Monument Bank FCMB MD, Mr. Nuru Adams. An allegation already denied.

Family sources say the allegations about the paternity of Tunde’s children with Moyo Thomas are unsubstantiated and malicious, adding they were intended to portray Tunde as an uncaring father and thereby rubbished his reputation.

The MD has since taken a leave to allow for an in-house investigation to see if he has run foul of any law.

A release by a family source said “Neither Tunde nor any member of his family raised any dust about this matter. It is very wrong and totally unacceptable for an alien entity to seek cheap publicity at the expense of a gentleman that has gone to be with the Lord. Grieving friends and family members (surviving mother, siblings and wife) should not be caused further hardship.”

According to the news making rounds, the knowledge of the alleged paternity of the children led to the death of Moyo’s husband Tunde.

Moyo and Tunde had differences leading to their separation and eventual relocation of Moyo to the USA.

“Tunde is the father of the 2 children and Moyo never told him he was not their father. Moyo and Tunde clearly worked to ensure the differences they had did not affect the relationship they respectively have with the two children.

“Tunde had a mild stroke in 2018. By the grace of God, he was able to fully recover from this and carried on with his life. He was obviously doing well at his job and was in another relationship with a lady who was pregnant before his death.

Nigerians in their sabi-pass shares as received did not think about the innocent kids as their pics were splashed all over social media; FCMB became the butt of all kinds of jokes like other banks or corporate organizations were any better. We became sanctimonious saints on adultery and fornication matters.

This entire episode stinks, reeks of Nigeria, no one knows really what is the truth. Tunde is dead, we will never know his side of it all, even if Moyo speaks we will deride her, friends of Tunde, foes and friends of Mr. Nuru, FCMB will have their say. After a while the story will go, as all things Nigerian.

The kids look like the MD of FCMB, we all are now visual DNA experts, we have again temporarily engaged in moral norms and declining cultural facades. Like Mallam El-Rufa’i and property destruction, we feign controversies like it’s not in the same country that the Nigerian Customs destroy and burn rice and poultry products when IDPs and Orphanages litter the landscape.

We pretend that we don’t know that our system of banking and banking hall and service morality is peculiar. Same population that secretly and openly watched, cheered, voted and enjoyed the entire Big Brother Naija cluster are all screaming this world is wicked, the man is wicked, it’s what they do in the banking hall, as if many of us don’t engage in sex like party as was attempted in Kaduna.

Is sex party not being in a room with my bae, (isn’t what they call women these days or sidechicks) popping champagne, music playing, we are naked and if you know; you know the rest.

So who ‘born’ Nigeria, who ‘be our papa’ who ‘we resemble’, we love controversies, nothing is ever what it seems because we refuse to address our paternity, so we are helpless and hapless orphans, killed, maimed and violated daily while friends of Nigeria watch and debate how to tackle our countless issues.

Almost every facet of national discourse is laced with opium. In our DNA years back a complete ship disappeared on Nigerian waters, tractors were blown away by wind in Bauchi state. With a life expectancy age of less than 40 years these days there’s no time to see our full DNA.

If you are not hacked down by some drunken cop; robbers do not shoot you down. You are not stolen and you do not disappear, you are advised to check your paternity while thanking God for the gift of life in the nation of the once happiest people.

It is not in our Senate’s DNA to be really upset for the common man, they are always in jolly mood, exchanging banters, collecting their remunerations after which they go on recess.

Even when the nation is on fire, our Federal Executive Council still manages to give away contracts, they do not fight, they are all smiles as they lie to us about a 2021 budget, when the 2020 budget was barely 20% accomplished.

May I end this way, two men met, and struck up a conversation. One was telling the other about some family problems he was having with one of his many kids. After a while the other guy said, "You think you have family problems? Get a load of my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. "Also, my wife became my mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather. sheeesh!

These days when one wakes up, the first thing I do is to call colleagues, friends and foes alike to find out if we are still safe, if our politicians have not sold us back into slavery. I try to find out if we are still Nigeria and Nigerians. You do not want to blame me for that. The opposition is trying to put up front and yet then swim in the same mistakes of those they want to change. The fact is simply put; there is something about the nation Nigerian. The leaders are terrible; the led are an abridged version of terrible.

I end this admonition by saying let us do a paternity test! And pray that the Almighty Allah helps us realize the reality of our grim circumstances of existence. The fact is that there are still lice in the Nigeria fabric, serious issues are still amusing. If we continue like these whether we will still find it funny and laughable only time will tell.

Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of Prince Charles Dickson and do not necessarily reflect those of The Nigerian Voice. The Nigerian Voice will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."

Articles by Prince Charles Dickson