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Why was everybody hyperventilating over Ogbulafor? What was all that crying more than the bereaved for? When exactly are we going to learn to let PDP worry about PDP troubles? How many times have they told us to mind our business? Just last Saturday , Pa Obasanjo reiterated it again. What we call PDP crisis is actually PDP family affair, he said cheerfully. My deputy, Dan Alabrah is the only one who understands Baba.

He summarised it in one sentence, ' Obasanjo is a family man.' Now, can you think of a better way to describe Baba? So, no shaking. Everything is under control. He is a thorough family man and right now he seems to be the Olori ebi (family head) of PDP. They will sort themselves out. They will hold as many family meetings as it takes. They will scream at one another, blackmail one another, even slap one another if it will help their family cause but , trust me, PDP will remain a family. All that talk about PDP imploding is BS, bullsh-t. PDP is and cannot implode, least of all explode. It is a family that has recognised that every big family must have its fair share of thieves, pimps, lazybones, rebels, assassins, kidnappers, prophets (fake and original), stupid men, greedy boys, precocious daughters and even paedophiles.

They know in PDP that they have problems, serious family issues but the beauty of that party is they always have ways of solving their problems. I have also noticed that they thrive on problems. If there is a lull in their problem sector, they go to the opposition parties and set up problem branches there. Unfortunately, the other parties are not families. They do not hold family meetings and are all thumbs when it comes to resolving their issues. So they, opposition parties, are usually pawns in the hands of PDP. PDP loves to stir up a storm ever so regularly and watch smugly as the poor folks are toss to and fro like leaves in the wind.

The PDP is not just a big party, it has a large heart. The family is not worried about its members decamping or straying from the homestead. They know that they cannot survive for long away from home. So, the fatted calf is killed each time a prodigal son returns and they more often than not do. Except a few lion-hearted, disciplined ones like Orji Kalu and Audu Ogbeh. Or haven't you noticed?

You don't have to like PDP and they don't care if we all hate them. They are even immune to our curses. One thing you can't take from them is when it matters most, they present a common front. When it's time to gang up against us, they forget their differences and take us to the cleaners. Why for instance are we just hearing that N104 m got lost years ago under the watch of Sir Prince Vincent Ogbulafor? Did the auditors just discover it? Did the ICPC just see it? You see, when the money took flight all those years ago, it was not in the interest of the family to look for it.

So they looked the other way. That dusty file they just dug up was not because some people just found it in their dark hearts to look for missing taxpayers' money. No such luck. That file had to be hurriedly put together to remind Ogbulafor which side his bread was buttered. It was all about pulling the ears of Mr Party Chairman and letting him know who put him in the saddle and who can remove him. Remember, the the governors' breakfast meeting which preceded the dinner where they passed a vote of confidence on everybody.

Ah ah, if you believe those votes of confidence then IBB is no longer gap-toothed. If you think Ogbulafor has survived then I'm a virgin. The PDP has served Sir Vincent Ogbulafor a quit notice and no matter how long a tenant stays in the court exercising his fundamental human rights against his landlord, he is still a tenant. He still must leave.

When PDP family elders decide to throw Ogbulafor out, they will do it in the blink of an eye. The ICPC case is their Plan B in case the old man wants to talk law and recruit SANs against his employers. For now, he has been boxed into a corner. If the family elders tell him to jump now he can only ask 'how high?

The greatest lesson I have learnt from PDP is that politics is not activism. It is a mean game and those people in PDP are the masters of the game. And my heart bleeds for the opposition parties who spend more time criticising the PDP than putting their houses in order. Years ago, I warned that writing press statements on every evil PDP did would not make the smaller parties bigger but did they listen to me? I told those who were 'cursing' PDP for organising fund-raising dinners to wake up and smell the coffee, organise their own breakfast, lunch and supper fund-raisers instead of press conferences whose statements only end up as riders on the inside pages. Now the elections are upon us again.

The tribunals are still on and the oppositions don't have back-ups. Meaning? The parties still locking horns with PDP at the tribunals and Appeal courts are going to lose those states and PDP will sweep more states, more seats. The goons have it all worked out and what will AC, ANPP and the others do, form Governments of National Unity again next year? Why can't the other parties join forces, forget their egos and do something different so they can get a better result?

The Yoruba say a man waiting for the crab to blink will be at the bank of the river for a very long time. Waiting for the PDP to implode is like waiting for a crab to blink. Didn't PDP vilify Obasanjo to no end before the last election? What names didn't we call him? Did he not become a pariah? Has he not become a rallying point again? Has his Ota home not become a political Mecca again?

Today, are we not afraid Jonathan is listening to Obasanjo and worried that their combination is heavy duty trouble for us? The PDP family will settle its differences as usual because cultists don't fall down when the uninitiated are looking. That is the lesson Nigeria's opposition parties are yet to learn.

PDP!!!! Share theā€¦? Whatever.
Sai Yerima's spokesman
Koko: Did you hear Mr Ayogu Eze when he said you are 'throwing jabs in the air' over your protests against Sai Yerima's baby bride?

Kaka: Point of order.
Koko: Order what?
Kaka: He is Senator Ayogu Eze, not Mr.
Koko: He's a Senator? And he said me, and 150million Nigerians are throwing jabs in the air? Are you sure he's a Senator? How undistinguished is that?

Kaka: He is so totally not cool, if not downright arrogant and he is the spokesman of the Senate of the Federal Republic.

Koko: Lord have mercy! That's the man who speaks for all Senators and he uses such expressions? What are we going to do?

Kaka: We will report him to President of the Senate.

Koko: Didn't Mr Eze learn anything from Senator David Mark? The old man always measures his words.

Kaka: And we should also report him to his governor, Sullivan Chime.

Koko: How can a man have a governor who rarely speaks and a leader who measure his words have the effrontery to tell Nigerians they are throwing jabs in the air?

Kaka: Maybe he is spokesman for Yerima and not the Senate.

Koko: I think that is a job he is cut out for and he is doing it so well.

Kaka: Then we can adjourn till another back page day.

Koko: Motion supported.