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SEX IS DESTROYING MARRIAGES

By NBF News

'I had polio as a two-year old but it has never affected my relationships, whether with my husband or professionally. Most people I have had cause to relate with are often bowled over by my wit and intelligence that they pay little or no attention to my physical disability.'

Most marital problems arise from sex, because men are more sexual than women and they always feel their urge is not satisfied, that's why they look elsewhere, but as a man you don't have to, you can always get what you want in your marriage, if your woman knows how to do it the right way.'

Having about four to five engagements in a day, for any man or woman could be quite a task.

But for Mrs. Yemisi Mafe, an events planner and lately publisher of Graceful Heritage, a Christian, family-oriented magazine, it's all in a typical day. Be it from her business engagements to volunteer services with a couple of charity organisations and her church, having a physical challenge is not an excuse for not to making the most of one's potentials.

Struck by Polio at the age of two which affected one of her legs, she said that disability has never kept her down given that she grew up in a loving family which has helped her to develop into a confident young woman, whom her husband, Oluwole Mafe could not resist at first sight.

'I had polio as a two-year old but it has never affected my relationships, whether with my husband or professionally. Most people I have had cause to relate with are often bowled over by my wit and intelligence that they pay little or no attention to my physical disability.'

Blessed with a wonderful mother (though late now), a father (whom she calls outstanding) and adorable siblings, she said, '…Together they made me have the best of growing up without feeling inadequate in any way. This prepared me to face the world because from the onset I had people who cheered me on against all odds.' Her husband whom she met at a fast food restaurant was equally bowled over by her charm and wit, and sure didn't see her leg. According to her, they became friends and over time he would just not let her go. 'And my husband has stuck with me through it all because according to him, he loves me too much to let me go', she says.

'For this reason, shall a man leave his mother and father and cling unto his wife' so says the Holy book, the Bible, but the reality of our times is that men (and the women) are no longer clinging to their spouses, and the 'till death do us part' dictum has become mere rhetoric.

From reasons ranging from sex, money,and adultery or even in-laws, many couples are throwing their, 'Yes I do creed' into the bin for divorce. But with Yemisi Mafe, God created marriage, and as such should fulfill the, 'and they lived happily ever after' ideal for every man and woman united in matrimony.

THE BIBLE, THE MARRIAGE MANUAL
Long before setting up her company, Truly An Event the English graduate from the University of Ilorin had stints in notable PR outfits like Quadrant, The Shop, Insight Grey to mention a few. Yemisi's simple disposition regarding marriage is that whatever the issues may be in any marriage, God who created marriage has the answers to those issues. No matter your creed or faith, Mafe believes the Bible, which is God's word is the perfect manual for marriages.

'…you can proffer solutions that can endure for weeks or months but one needs a solution that is long lasting because marriage is meant to last forever, till death do you part. And you can only get that from the manufacturer's manual, which is God's word, the Bible, since He created marriage.'

MARRIAGE…A GRACEFUL HERITAGE
For Mafe, the good news must be published for all who have ears to hear, thus her ingenious publication on the subject matter which is called, Graceful Heritage. Her words on the inspiration for the all gloss family(marriage) magazine;

' Graceful Heritage is a bi-monthly (every other month) Christian magazine designed specifically for couples.

If you don't know the reason behind something, you might not be able to face that thing, but if you know what is behind it, you'll see it as a walkover even before it consumes you. So I made up my mind that I will come up with something creative, a forum where people can always unburden their heart, people who have gone through similar situations, we bring them on, to talk about it and how they are now living together against all odds.

While marriages are ordained by God to last till death, the reverse is often the case as more marriages are crashing by the day.

Even with various educational institutions being established daily to meet the various needs of people, it is so unfortunate that there is none that caters to the need of the oldest institution created by God; marriage. That was why we came up with an info-tainment publication where couples can pick up relevant tips and guidelines on how to make their marriage a heaven on earth as God intends it to be. This vital need is what we are out to fill as we create a medium where couples can learn the secret of living happily together ever after.'

Having been married for about a decade, and written on relationships under a pseudonym, as a columnist in a national daily, she however does not claim vast knowledge on the issue of matrimony, rather shared experiences.

'Nobody is qualified enough really, but you know there is a way God gives you grace that even people that have been there before you might not have gone through what you went through. But because of some things you have gone through, you are better equipped and because of some things people have shared with you over time, you will see that you are better equipped based on your background and your talents as well.'

While not sharing her personal experiences, she says she believes they are for a purpose and that there is no perfect marriage.

'Whatever I've gone through is for a purpose, and it's not peculiar to me, as many other people would have gone through the same thing. No marriage is perfect, every marriage has its own challenges but what makes the difference is how you tackle it. I might have gone through things that if any woman out there hears, she would say if any man should ever dare this with me, I'm moving out , but that is not the solution. I have gone through things that some people would say, I can't take it, and I have gone through things that people would say, 'what has she gone through, I've gone through worse things.'

We all have different temperaments, and we all have different ways of handling things. And over the years from talking with so many friends and other people that share their marital challenges with me, I've come to realise that it's not as bad as we always feel it is. What we need is to get the right knowledge to tackle it.'

A PUBLICATION IN TOUCH WITH REALITY
Giving a peep into what Graceful Heritage has to offer she says each edition of the magazine will feature credible Christian couples who are willing to share their marital experiences.

'There will be various exciting columns like Grace To Serve (Editorial), Healthy Grace( Health Page), Graceful Looks(Fashion), Single and Married(Archives of Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's articles), Discovery For Men, Stepping On It(Step families), Tasty Grace(Cuisine) and many more.

For instance different marriages poses different challenges. The step family is not the same thing as that where both spouses have never been married, so I believe people in step family situations also need a column that can talk about the challenges they go through.

There is also the Hot Bed, which will deal with issues of sex. Most marital problems arise from sex, because men are more sexual than women and they always feel their urge is not satisfied, that's why they look elsewhere, but as a man you don't have to, you can always get what you want in your marriage, if your woman knows how to do it the right way.'

Just out with the maiden edition, Mafe believes it will go beyond the shores of Nigeria, as it is already circulating in at least 20 states of the federation.



While trusting God to reach all the West African countries by the end of the year, she however admits that like any other new publication, it has met with its fair share of challenges.

'The first challenge is the mindset of the people believing that it's just one of those magazines that will fizzle out very soon, and secondly getting people to believe in your dream that it's something that will last beyond now. Then again, people ask why Christian, and I would say because God created marriage and has the manual. You may believe in anything but when it comes to marriage, the way to make it work is through the word of God.'


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