Going back to your ex?

By The Mirror
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A relationship is a high risk business. Few lovers are able to sustain a relationship while the majority fail. However, after break-up many, regret their action and think of going back to their former lovers.

Why think of going back?
Most lovers leave relationships based on emotions but not on logic. It is only when emotions are down that they wonder if they took the right decision. It is known that 80 per cent of couples who divorce regret their actions and some think of going back.

Some leave relationships only to find their former lovers are better than they thought. Some get lonely and want company. They feel the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

When not to go back

Don't go back as a rebound relationship - one made to hide past hurts or impress a former lover that you found someone better.

It is also surely not advisable to go back when you are in a serious relationship or are married. Most married people, especially women think they made the wrong choice when things go bad in their marriage. They look at the good side of their former relationship and think life could be better.

Fact is, all relationships have their unique weaknesses and moments of pain. The fact that you see problems does not mean there is anything wrong with it. You are only being human. You can always brighten your corner and restore your relationship.

You must also appreciate that second marriages fail faster because partners carry emotional hurts into it. The twists and turns in life could change your former lover completely. The one you loved and trusted yesterday could disappoint you. Going back does not guarantee your happiness.

When to go back
You were in love but for some unknown reasons, you lost touch, but kept the flame alive. Your parents rejected your lover and therefore you were forced into a marriage that didn't work. Now they regret their actions or you are single, divorced and fantasising the old love. You left for a habit you couldn't cope, but your lover has improved himself. For example, if your lover was a womaniser or an alcoholic and has stopped because he is truly born again, you could have a better relationship now.

Sometimes, a lover leaves a relationship for frivolous reasons. He or she later feels guilty of causing the break-up and thinks of going back to make up.

How to go back
Allow yourself time to get over any confusion, hurt, anxiety and sadness. Then, decide if you really want to go back and why. Creating space can help you decide if you need him or her.

List the bad and good qualities of your ex. Draw a balance sheet and decide if he or she is really your solution. It is very important you are certain you can cope with the problems that led to the break-up.

Keep friendly contact but don't appear desperate. Find out quietly if he or she is available and accessible. Also, find out his or her past relationships and activities to make sure he has improved himself.

Put aside your ego and talk about what hurt you with an open heart. Let him know certain issues hurt you.

Listen to his side of the story with empathy. Resolve your differences, apologise or accept apology where necessary. Your true act of forgiveness is the single most important key that opens the door to delight your old flame.

Going back to your ex may not ensure your success because past mistakes may haunt you and, therefore, the love you share. It could also be an opportunity to breathe new life into your life.

Going back or not is not the matter.
It is mutual respect, trust, commitment, honesty unconditional love, care, support and prayer that ensures a fulfilling relationship. Going back to your ex?

You choose. You are the choices you make in life.

Credit: John Boakye/The Mirror [E-mail: [email protected]]