Try To Win The 'war'

Dear Nana Ama,

I am 30 and he’s 35. We’ve both completed SSS and I’m a health worker while he is a driver. We’ve been in a relationship for five years now but we got married two years ago.

Before we got married his family objected to our proposed union but he insisted on marrying me. Ever since we got married, he’s resorted to not staying at home, going out daily and even on Sundays when he is supposed to rest. When I complained, he said that was what he had to do before we could have our daily bread.

Recently, when he was receiving one of his numerous phone calls I overheard the person asking him whether he had eaten and many other such things.

When I asked him why that particular person was so much interested in his welfare, his answer was that the person was very caring, very dear and a customer to him.

There was a funeral at his home town and when we went, he brought along a girl he was trying to hide from me. When I questioned him about the girl, he said she was a friend.

Nana, since then, he has stopped sharing ideas with me and has even taken all his money from the room we share together and given it to that friend to keep.

Fortunately, I am three months pregnant and I have told him but he said I should abort it because he is not ready for a baby.

Nana, do you think this man is a good man for me? Please help.

Bernice, Abor.

Dear Bernice,

If there is another woman involved in your husband’s life, you must play your cards right to ensure that you win the war.

Try not blow up and pick up a quarrel with him over her as this will only drive him further into her arms. Most women who go out with married men have usually done it before, so they have experience with this type of situation.

She is obviously playing her cards very well so try to stay as calm as possible in the presence of your man. Do not fly into a full blown rage when he returns late or goes out on weekends.

Be determined to win him back by doing your best to show your husband respect even if you may not think that he deserves it. Remember you are trying to win back your husband and keep him.

One of the leading concerns or complaints from men unhappy in relationships is the fact that they do not feel loved or worthy. Although they may seem tough, men usually want to feel needed and useful.

So in order to keep a good relationship, smart women have learned that they must stroke the ego of their men. Why don’t you make good use of that?

If you have been nagging him and bringing up past hurts and misdeeds, try to let go by refusing to nag as doing so does not really change anything, but rather drive him away.

You are the woman he married even in the face of opposition from his family. This means he found in you certain qualities he was looking for. Look back on your relationship and begin to do those things which endeared him to you in those early days.

If you play your cards very well and refuse to describe him as, ‘this man,’ I believe you can win him back.